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COVID’s Dirty Little Secret

Image: CDC artist depiction of COVID

COVID cases are inching up again in Chicago, Cook County, and rapidly spreading in the wide swaths of the country where vaccinations and mitigation are low. The Delta variant and its evil twin, Lambda, are more contagious and worse than the original COVID-19 virus. 

Florida, Missouri, Texas, and other Bubba Land states are experiencing high numbers of infections. California is also experiencing rising spreads of COVID.

There is a worse variant spreading in this city and country. It is more contagious and deadly—the Chazos variant. The Chazos variant is the extreme form of the virus, as it quickly and efficiently spreads to and infects the brain.

The symptoms are horrific. Denial, inconvenience, non-compliance, conspiracy paranoia, self-destructive behaviors, wild rantings and ravings, spittle flying when speaking, and drooling when silent.

Identifying humans infected with the Chazos variant is simple, and we should avoid those people like the plague. If ever there was a case for mandatory quarantine on some island or sanitarium in the middle of nowhere past where Christ lost His sandals, the Chazos variant is it.

Experts I consulted claim the Chazos variant evolved side by side with the original COVID-19 infection, though it did not escape from a lab in China. It is purely an American variant of COVID. It is American as apple pie, mom, God, guns, country, flag, and evangelical constitutionalism. 

It arrived in this country before the spread of COVID. The CDC and the NIH kept it a secret, even from the White House. The institutions were alarmed at the contagion and feared making it public would cause panic and hysteria. Further, there were reports that some of the first cases of the disease originated from the White House. The medical experts knew that former President Trump exhibited early symptoms of the Chazos variant, and from his behavior, his symptoms are getting worse.

The variant spread through the House of Congress, and some senators were infected. Those exhibiting the worst symptoms are congresspersons Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Lauren Opal Boebert. Senators Rand Paul and Paul Gosar are also exhibiting severe symptoms. Governors Ron DeSantis, Greg Abbot, and Kristi Noem are afflicted with symptoms of the Chazos variant.

Chazos creates sociopathy in infected humans, placing normal humans in danger. There is talk of classifying Chazos as an incurable mental condition. It destroys the mind, turning normal unintelligent people into less-ons (Lower than morons).

Chazos is infecting the population so fast it is hard to keep up with it. There is no vaccination. There are no preventative measures. Masks and social distancing will not prevent the spread of Chazos. There is no cure. People infected with Chazos will be long haulers for life, carrying the disease to the grave.

After spending too many minutes chasing down information on the variant, I found the solution. There is even a phrase for it, stuck on Chazos. Since the nine known variants are based on the Greek alphabet, it was only proper to use a Greek word for this variant. Chazos (χαζος) is Greek for stupid.

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