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The UNIBITRI+ Community

Terrorist cyclist illegally riding through a pedestrian plaza/Image: Peter V. Bella

“There’s always going to be dangerous drivers, distracted drivers and blind spots. We need infrastructure that slows traffic down and prevents people from running over cyclists,” Whitehouse said. “It just feels like it’s just like one right after the other.” (Bike Lane Uprising founder Christina Whitehouse/Block Club Chicago)

Correction: There will always be dangerous, distracted cyclists and blind spots. We need to hold them accountable to protect them from themselves and to protect pedestrians and dog walkers.

There are reckless drivers. They are held accountable for their recklessness. There are reckless pedestrians. It is surprising in this city that they are not slaughtered on a mass scale by responsible cyclists and drivers. There are reckless cyclists. They are never held accountable. If killed or seriously injured, they are held up as holy martyrs. Why? They are a community. Communities get to make their own rules, and the rest of us must cater to them.

I wrote about my disdain for cyclists before. They are whiny terrorist crybabies. If they did not blatantly violate traffic laws and the laws of physics, I would have a modicum of empathy for those injured or killed. As long as too many act like one, two, or three-wheeled terrorists riding their weapons of mass pedestrian destruction, I will continue to demean them and their so-called “community.” Yesterday, I saw one weebling and wobbling in heavy traffic with his phone plastered to his face while trying to control his bike with one hand. Like drivers, cyclists should be forbidden to use phones while riding. They should be cited and heavily fined. I am tired of almost being run down on sidewalks or by cyclists refusing to stop at STOP signs.

If the cycling advocates criticized the lawbreaking and reckless cyclists in their “community,” I would take a different tone. Cyclists will get no empathy, pity, mercy, or support if they tolerate recklessness and the city ignores it. I will not be an ally.

The cycling “community” is the new distressed, disenfranchised victims of systemic institutionalized something or other. They are the new alphabet people, the UNIBITRI+ Community. Will they have their own flag? How about slogans- Bike Pride? Bike Lives Matter? Say it loud, we bike, and we’re proud?

Will the UNIBITRI+ community create new words denoting prejudice and hatred? Bikism, cyclistism, pedalism, bike phobia, cyclistphobic, etc. Will people who disagree with their unreasonable demands will be labeled as ists, phobic, and haters? The Great Comedian forbid they get some celebrities to endorse them.

 Of course, they will demand a Bike Pride Parade. The silly Chicago politicians will participate, celebrating the UNIBITRI+ community. Those floats pulled by teams of cyclists will sure look great.

The cyclists are already winning. The city refuses to remove their illegal litter and blight, the ugly white bike memorials all over the city. They commemorate people who were killed while cycling. It is their only claim to fame.

Will the UNIBITRI+ Community attempt to cancel and deplatform anyone who disagrees or makes fun of them through humor? Will they claim humorists are punching down- whatever that means? Will they demand respect for their choice of transportation? “My bike, my choice.”

I used to be a cyclist until it got too dangerous. It was not cars or trucks I was worried about. The reckless cyclists almost caused me to crash because I followed the laws. I had to threaten one on the lakefront. I was riding with my daughter when she was young. We were too slow for his taste. He kept yelling at me. Cyclists cannot slow down. If they do, their cardio pump will drop, causing death or incapacitation, so they believe. I finally told him that if he kept ranting and raving, it would take a team of proctologists to remove his bike from his ass.

A terrorist cyclist almost injured my dog while speeding down the sidewalk in front of my home. I lost count of the times I was nearly struck by terrorist cyclists riding on sidewalks. The worst are those who try to navigate the crowded sidewalks downtown, yelling for people to get out of their way.

It is past time for a fair solution to the cyclist issue. If they keep demanding the city accommodate them, they should be held responsible and accountable for violating traffic laws. Cyclists should be cited for violations with steep fines. This would protect the public, including pedestrians, and protect cyclists from themselves. Since cyclists are considered vehicles by state law, the law giving them the right of way should be repealed. They should be treated like all vehicles.

The city could make a boatload of money citing cyclists for violations since a majority violate traffic laws. If a cyclist is injured or killed and the accident is deemed their fault, they should have no claim. Auto insurers should not pay claims to cyclists or their families if accident investigations find them at fault, and the courts should not find in their favor over lawsuits.

Of course, none of that will happen. The cyclists have an alphabet “community” now- UNIBITRI+. Communities, especially alphabet communities, give them a loud voice. The blissfully ignorant news media in Chicago slobbers and drools all over “communities.” The cowards who run this city are terrified of “communities.” So, the whiny crybaby terrorists will get whatever they want with no repercussions for their recklessness.

Welcome to Chicago and the new urban order.

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