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The plight the Reader

Image: Chicago Reader/Digital enhancement PV Bella

“The Reader is kind of like an artery in Chicago,” its publisher, Tracy Baim, said. “It’s part of the last 50 years of the heart of the city.” (Washington Post)

Chicago’s alt newspaper, the Reader’s plight, hit the national news. The Reader was established in 1971. They do some long-form journalism along with culture, food, entertainment, and other interesting stories about Chicago and people in the creative community. Their coverage of Chicago culture is always more accurate and honest than those comic rags, Chicago Magazine, and TimeOut Chicago.

Reader Columnist Ben Joravsky became an accidental expert on Tax Increment Financing and the uses and abuses of TIFs. The Reader covers communities and people who would otherwise not have voices or exposure underserved by legacy media.

Like many alt newspapers, the Reader was struggling. Print advertising was falling due to the Internet. In 2018 the paper was bought for one dollar by attorney Leonard Goodman and developer Elzie Higginbottom.

“We have been kept in the dark about vaccine safety and efficacy by our government and its partners in Big Pharma… As a parent, I will demand more answers before simply taking their word.” (Leonard Goodman/Reader)

Goodman wrote columns in the Reader to express his opinions on various issues. (You can scroll through here to see his columns)

In November, he wrote a column on COVID vaccinations for children expressing his skepticism over them. The piece was published. Several staff members were appalled at the assertions made in the article. Publisher Tracy Bain was concerned and hired a fact-checker. The fact-checker debunked the claims’ accuracy, and the so-called experts cited.

Bain wanted to either pull the article or publish the fact-checkers results. Goodman was angered about being “censored.” Reader board members aligned with Goodman raised concerns about free speech.

“If they think it’s journalistic par-for-the-course to rewrite and edit an article because it’s unpopular, they should go back and review the First Amendment,” Reader board member Sladjana Vucovic told The Washington Post.

Sladjana Vucovic is an attorney. Maybe she should take a remedial course in Constitutional Law for Dummies. The First Amendment prohibits government censorship, not individuals, private entities, social media, etc. Newspapers can decide to censor whomever they want for whatever reason they want. Maybe she got her law license in a Cracker Jack box. Stranger things have happened in this city of scoundrels. She should also study journalistic standards. If misleading or false information is published, a news media entity is responsible for correcting or rebutting it.

Angering your owner and ultimate boss or his pals on the board is never a good idea and might be hazardous to one’s continued employment. Leonard Goodman acts like a terrible two-year-old, screaming, stomping his feet, and pounding his chubby tiny fist. He needs to take a Chill Pill™. (I checked with noted physicians, scientists, researchers, and government experts on the effects of the Chill Pill. There are no harmful side effects. The only warning is if you experience giddiness for over four hours, you should see a psychiatrist. No one should be that happy or silly for so long.)

Goodman’s non-sense cost the publisher her job and threatened the transfer of the Reader to non-profit status. Goodman is even demanding a say on who will sit on the new non-profit board. He still wants revenge and control.

This whole kerfuffle is not about free speech or censorship. It is about Goodman’s over large ego, ignorance of vaccines, and childish need to be right even when he is wrong. Reading his piece, I thought I was reading conspiracy theories. All that was missing were space lasers, the Gazpacho Police, vaccination fraud, or cries of freedumb.

It is hoped Elzie Higginbottom can talk some sense into Goodman before the whole non-profit situation blows up and the Reader disappears.

Disclaimer: I did not write this piece because I am a fan of the Reader. I disagree with many of their political opinions, especially about Chicago. However, I believe that this city needs alternate news entities. The Reader provides an alternate voice in Chicago, just like CWBChicago does on its accurate crime and court reportage.

Він воскрес

Image: PV Bella

“We believe in the victory of life over death…No matter how fierce the battles are. There is no chance for death to defeat life. Everyone knows that. Every Christian knows that. (Volodymyr Zelensky/AP).

I would like to wish my brethren in the Orthodox faith a blessed and joyous Easter. I ask that on this day, they say a prayer for Ukraine.

Easter is the holiest holiday in the Orthodox faith. There will be no Resurrection celebration in Ukraine today. There will be little joy due to the war unleashed upon the country by Russia. There will be suffering and mourning.

The world is watching this immoral war Russia is waging in Ukraine. Every day the news, photos, and videos are heartbreaking. Putin’s orcs are massacring people and destroying towns just because.

Vladimir Putin is the personification of evil. Yet, the West is allowing this evil. They are letting Putin be Putin. What help they are sending is too little too late. They knew Putin would invade Ukraine months before. The West did not want to believe it. It was never a matter of if, only when.

Before the invasion, Europe and America could have provided arms, planes, defensive systems, other weaponry, and equipment. They did nothing. There is a humanitarian crisis that is worsening. All the West does is talk and encourage Zelensky to negotiate. Negotiate what? You cannot negotiate with a monster. With the West’s blessing, Putin will get whatever he wants. They let him do it before and will let him do it again.

The West has a habit of letting Putin be Putin- Georgia, Chechnya, Crimea, and the brutal, inhumane bombing of Syria. If Putin pushes west to take the other smaller former Soviet satellites, like Moldova, the West will let him. Hell, if he wants Alaska back, he will get it. Sara Palin could shake hands with Russians in her backyard.

The West would prefer Zelensky to surrender, flee, and give Putin a victory. Then, things can return to normal. They can be pals again, sucking up Russian oil, coal, and gas while they blather their hypocrisy over climate change.

Putin is more intelligent than all the Western leaders put together. He knows they do not care what he does, so long as he does not do it to them. Putin knows he can get away with the worst atrocities, and the West will just sigh, “Well, that’s just Vlad.”

Ukraine president Zelensky did not and is not asking for troops. He is begging,  hat in hand, like a peasant, for materiel to defeat an ogre and his orcs. The West stalled until it was almost too late. It is a pity seeing Zelensky keep begging for the same things he needs over and over again while Putin’s orcs commit atrocities, war crimes, relocations, and genocide.

Since the West did nothing to stop Putin, they have no right to advise tell Zelensky how to negotiate, what he should negotiate or concede, or if he should bother. If Zelensky wants all lands taken back, including Crimea, the West should either support him or butt out. They do more harm than good. They always have when it comes to Putin.

Say no to vigilantes in Chicago

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A Chicago Police spokesperson urged CTA riders —would-be security volunteers or otherwise —not to step in as vigilantes and instead call 911 if they witness a crime or something suspicious… “The police do not need private citizens taking law enforcement matters into their own hands,” CPD spokesperson Tom Ahern said.” (NBC 5 Chicago)

Vigilante:: a member of a volunteer committee organized to suppress and punish crime summarily (as when the processes of law are viewed as inadequate) broadly: a self-appointed doer of justice (Merriam Webster)

It was only a matter of time before vigilantes would crop up like weeds to “fight” crime. It will be only a matter of time before vigilantes seriously injure or kill someone.

Vigilantes are not new in Chicago. The city and CTA allowed a vigilante group, The Guardian Angels, to patrol the Els years back. Why? Curtis Sliwa, the vigilante group leader, is a shameless self-promoter. The news media fell in slobbering love with his group of vigilantes. The city and CTA caved into the drooling media mob.

The Guardian Angels did little to mitigate crime, but they shore did look purty with their cute little red beanies. All they needed were propellers.

One of Chicago’s greatest self-promoters, Tio “P.T. Barnum” Hardiman, formed a vigilante group to patrol the CTA Red Line. Naturally, he held a press conference. The puerile Chicago news media showed up drooling all over him instead of ignoring or opposing him. Once again, the city and CTA will allow vigilantes to “patrol” the El system with no accountability, liability, or transparency.

This vigilante group consists of volunteer licensed security guards trained in the martial arts and others trained in de-escalation- whatever that means- to patrol the north and southbound Red Line trains eight hours a day.

What can go wrong? Who will be accountable and liable if the vigilantes seriously injure or “accidentally” kill someone? Will the taxpayers be on the hook for a lawsuit settlement? Will the vigilantes be held criminally responsible? Suppose one of the vigilantes gets shot or seriously injured. Will the news media make them a hero of the republic?

See the video at the end of this post where the vigilante Guardian Angels tried to detain a man, who had obvious mental health issues, for smoking pot on the El platform. He was leaving the station. All they had to do was follow him to make sure he left. Instead, they escalated the situation. Appalled bystanders protested their violent action. The vigilantes made the whole thing look heroic, the man look like a violent criminal, and the bystanders looked like fools. He was smoking weed. He was bothering no one. He was leaving the station.

It is time the city and CTA grew a pair and ban Hardiman and his group of vigilantes or any others, including the Guardian Angels, from patrolling the Els or any place else in Chicago. If Mayor Lori Lightfoot has the biggest d**k in the city, she should demonstrate she also has the biggest b**ls. Ban vigilantism in Chicago.

What if groups of concealed carry holders decided to form vigilante groups to patrol the Els or the streets? Will the mayor allow it? Would the horny teenaged news media fawn over them as they did over Tio Hardiman and the Guardian Angels? What if some lone armed vigilante decided to take matters into their own hands and hunt for active criminals?

The real problem being ignored by the news media is the inept leadership of Superintendent David “Tex” Brown. When crime spiked on the public transportation system, he should have beefed up patrols on the trains and platforms. Instead, he keeps fumbling and bumbling, having no idea what he is doing. He should have been fired long ago.

The hormonally charged news media need to stop fawning, drooling, and slobbering over vigilante groups formed by charlatans and frauds whose only goal is self-promotion. People like Tio Hardiman should be ignored. He did nothing to improve conditions on Chicago’s streets except to promote himself. Tio’s “Greatest Show on Earth.”

There is a sucker born every minute. The Chicago news media is breeding them every minute. So are City Hall and the CTA. So are the citizens in this city of fools.

Chicago needs solutions to the crime issues plaguing the city. We do not need bumblers and fumblers like Tex Brown. We do not need vigilantes. We do not need mountebanks and quacksalvers like Tio Hardiman.

Note: The original video when published did not have the text justifying the vigilantes’ violent actions. It must have been added later.

YouTube

Nitpicking over Daniel Solis sentence

Image: PV Bella

Chicago Alderman, Daniel Solis, is set for a sentencing hearing over his plea deal. Solis cooperated with the Justice Department’s investigation of Alderman Ed “The Big Tuna” Burke.” Solis wore a wire, taping conversations that led to Burke’s indictment. One could say he helped the Feds land the “Big Tuna.” As an aside, aldermen should have nicknames, like members of what little is left of the Chicago Outfit.

Solis had a truly American story. As a child, he came here from Mexico, attended university, became a Chicago Public School teacher, and involved himself in community work, including school reform. Former mayor Richard M. Daley appointed Solis to two municipal boards. After Alderman Antonio Medrano pleaded guilty to corruption charges, Daley appointed Solis to fill the seat. In a special election, Solis won 77% of the vote. One of Solis’s first actions as alderman was to present a plaque and reward to a well-known and vicious Chicago Outfit boss, Angelo “The Hook” LaPietra, for his “community service.”

Solis was eventually appointed Mayor Pro-Tem of the City Council, sitting in for the mayor when Daley was unavailable. Solis concentrated on job creation, improvements in his ward, and cultural issues, including the expansion of the National Museum of Mexican Art and the Ping Tom Memorial Park. He also involved himself with senior housing issues and significant business issues in his ward.

Solis got bent somewhere along the journey, or he was already bent but did not get caught for years. When caught, he flipped like a gymnast and agreed to cooperate with the Feds, including wearing a wire. His attorneys and the Justice Department crafted a generous plea deal. The Chicago Tribune called the agreement “Unprecedented.” Solis would serve no time, and if he behaves himself and continues to cooperate for three years, he will have a clean record.

Mayor Lori Lightfoot, a former federal prosecutor, is unhappy with the deal. She ordered her Law Department to file a victim impact statement with the court, listing the City of Chicago as a victim.

Solis’s successor, Alderman Byron Sigcho-Lopez, is not happy either. He sent a letter- victim impact statement- directly to the federal judge handling Solis’s case. He requested she consider Solis’s rampant corruption “…he urged the judge to consider “scaled and appropriate penalties” that reflect the seriousness of Solis’ conduct.” (Chicago Tribune)

All this is political theater, a comical stage play. It is laughable that the mayor and an alderman would weigh in on Solis’s sentencing. Solis must cooperate with the Feds in upcoming corruption trials. His cooperation is critical for them winning a conviction against Alderman Ed Burke. Burke is the most powerful Chicago politician indicted by the Feds. He is the longest-serving alderman in the city council. He has been an alderman since 1969.

He also served the longest tenure as the City Council’s Finance Committee. His full-time job was running a law firm dealing with property tax reductions. His clients were a Who’s Who in Chicago’s commercial real estate and business worlds. One client was the Trump Organization.

The Feds usually take care of cooperators with lenient sentences, or in Solis’s case, wiping the slate clean if he keeps cooperating. Solis crimes were the typical grubby and greed-based stuff the Chicago City Council is historically famous for. As a former federal prosecutor, Mayor Lightfoot knows the Feds have to make lenient deals with minnows to catch “Big Tunas.” The “Big Tunas” are the worst of the worst.

Image: PV Bella

Solis violated two of the Da Twelve Commandments of the Chicago Way, “Thou shalt not get caught and Thou shalt not talk.” His real punishment will be banishment and reprobation. He will be condemned, and his name will be considered an obscene vulgarity. His friends will flee him if they already haven’t. He will be alone in the world, wearing the mark of a mortal sinner, a traitor. He will carry the title of the “Rat” for the rest of his life. When Burke’s trial is over, Solis will be forgotten. That may be punishment enough.

As to Alderman Sigcho-Lopez, his letter is somewhat disingenuous. Unlike the mayor, he did not file the letter with the court. He sent it directly to the judge and the Chicago news media. He got a nice headline for his deed, which is all he cares about.

The municipal election cycle is coming up. Lightfoot and Sigcho-Lopez can demonstrate their “reformer” chops in their quest to keep their jobs. Ha! Former alderman, Paddy Bauler, was right decades ago when he said, “Chicago ain’t ready for reform.” It is as true today as it was back then.

More Bear’s misinformation

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Chicago deserves what the city failed to deliver. They deserve a domed stadium suitable to host a Super Bowl, a Final Four and a college football national championship game. Such a venue would host concerts, big-time soccer events, Wrestlemania and maybe even the Chris Rock-Will Smith rematch. (Mark Tupper/Herald and Review)

The Herald and Review, a Decatur, Illinois newspaper, published an op-ed by Mark Tupper. a retired Executive Sports Editor.

Tupper is cheering the McCaskey Bear’s potential move to Arlington Heights. The piece is misinformation, lousy historical research, blissful ignorance, or all three by Mr. Trotter.

First, Arlington Heights is not Chicago. Secondly, Chicago did not fail to deliver anything. Going on four decades, the McCaskey’s had ample opportunities to build a new world-class domed stadium in the city. There were vast tracts of available vacant land. There were large tracts along the Chicago River to put up a riverfront stadium. The problem was never the city or its political leaders. The problem was the McCaskey’s.

The McCaskey’s inherited one thing from their grandfather, George Halas, the cheapskate and chiseler gene. They squeeze a penny so hard they make old Abe scream. They did not want to put up money to even purchase the land or go into debt. They did not want to partner with some deep-pocket investors or developers. They expected the city and state taxpayers to finance the whole thing.

The City of Chicago could and would have intervened and facilitated the purchase of land from the owners/future developers. There may have been an opportunity for partnerships. The McCaskey’s refused. They were too cheap, just plain too stupid, or a combination of the two.

After the 1986 Superbowl win, the McCaskey’s were in the catbird seat. Yet, they did nothing, zero, zip, nada. Their intention for four decades was to leave the city. They are suburban and ex-urbanites. They never had any love for the city or the fans. They never had or displayed any civic pride.

Most of those large tracts of land are now being developed into massive residential-commercial-entertainment areas the size of small towns. A few are being proposed for Chicago’s casino-entertainment area. Everyone knew- the city, the McCaskey’s, the people of Chicago- that the Soldier Field renovation to suit the Bears was a fiasco. Yet, the McCaskey’s signed off on it. They, and they alone, are to blame.

The miserly McCaskey’s are solely at fault for not having a world-class domed stadium built in Chicago. Their overblown sense of privilege and entitlement is to blame, not the City of Chicago or other government entities. The McCaskey’s wanted a stadium for free or as close to free as possible. They also wanted out of Chicago.

With their pending purchase of the Arlington Racetrack property, they may get their wish. Arlington Heights already is discussing concessions for taxpayer funding. There may be other funding available, including from the NFL.

The miserly McCaskey’s will fund little of the total price tag for their gleaming brand-new toy. The new stadium will boost the bottom line of the team’s value, speculating a cashout, allowing the McCaskey’s to live a life of Champagne and caviar dreams.

If the McCaskey’s were not such notorious cheapskates and chiselers, they would have had a world-class stadium years ago. Chicago would have hosted Super Bowls and other mass stadium events. It would have been a win-win for the McCaskey’s and the city.

I can understand Mr. Trotter’s misinformation. Decatur is in south-central Illinois. Far away from the big city. His inner fan-boy over the McCaskey’s got the best of him and he failed to do the necessary deep research.

Once again, the only blame for the Bear’s potential move to Arlington Heights, or anyplace else, rests with the McCaskey’s, not the City of Chicago. As I said before, if the McCaskey’s want to move, I hope the door kicks them in the arse on the way out.

Uptown Update is the voice of precious privilege

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As we understand it, there are up to 12 different laws being broken every day the homeless encampments stay in place (the Americans With Disabilities Act, Illinois statutes, City ordinances and Park District Code). (Uptown Update)

The anonymous* oh-so-precious overprivileged people at the Uptown Update have their silk knickers in a wedgie over the homeless encampments on Lawrence Avenue under DuSable LSD and in the park between Lawrence and Wilson. There were fires in the encampments, over the past weeks, causing propane tanks to explode.

They probably wrote this piece while sipping their 14-ingredient soy latte, with multiple syrups, whipped oat cream, and sprinkles on top. Or maybe some kind of chai. It must be nice to pound their chests and keyboards with their snooty class privilege. Uptown Update is a shining bad example of gentrification.

For whatever reasons, homelessness is a growing and increasingly severe problem in Chicago. There are other larger and smaller encampments throughout the city. Chicago has been ignoring the mass homeless problem for years. Occasionally, the city goes out with the news media in tow to highlight the issue and show what they are pretending to do about it. The media laps it up and showers praise on City Hall.

The syphilitic parasitics at Uptown Update, like the two aldercritters, Cappleman and Osterman, do not care about the plight of the homeless so long as they are gone, poof disappeared. Voila!

Uptown Update cites laws that are being broken. I bet they do not cite laws being broken daily with abandon by the two-wheeled terrorist cyclists, endangering pedestrians, and themselves. It is also a good bet Uptown Update never cites laws broken by the criminals on public transportation who think buses and trains are their private dining areas or cafes. Many lawbreakers probably live in Uptown.

Who knows? Maybe some or all the anonymous people at Uptown Update are desperados, breaking those laws with impunity. The terrorist cyclists, diners, and sippy cup sippers on public transportation do not follow the law, are not being asked to, and are never cited for their criminality.

While many issues cause homelessness, including alcohol and substance abuse, mental illness, or financial reasons where people give up hope, no one chooses to be homeless.

For decades the city ignored impoverished people. Now, they ignore the homeless. Solutions were offered to mitigate the problem through the decades. None were tried. So far, my enlightened solution has been ignored.

Most shelters fill up quickly before nightfall, and the homeless must be out by morning. Others have strict rules that make it difficult for people suffering from substance abuse or mental handicaps to comply with.

Uptown Update may be fed up and want to give voice to their readers, but who is giving voice to the homeless? All over Uptown, gentrified housing developments are being built or planned, with the gleeful willingness of the aldercritters and celebrated by Uptown Update. Yet, no transitional housing with social, educational, medical, mental health, or other services is being planned or built to assist the homeless. Not in Uptown or the rest of the city.

The prim and proper obsessive diaper sniffers at Uptown Update and the aldercritters are the NIMBY people- NOT IN MY BACK YARD.!!! If there is something that will help someone else, they are against it. They are all for one, one for all, and everyone for themselves.

The final solution the NIMBYs at Uptown Update demand is for the city and state to apply the law- “…drive the homeless from public land.” Where are they going to be driven off to? Are the homeless livestock? Are they advocating for a human cattle drive? Or do they want them driven to another neighborhood, making them someone else’s problem? , it is the right thing to do for the community at large and for the people who are living in extremely dangerous conditions.” Hitler did, and Putin is doing what they thought is the “right thing,” too. They drove and are driving people like cattle to other places. It is called atrocity.

Spare me the faux outrage over the Hitler and Putin comparisons. When you advocate treating humans like animals- driving them- you are no better than those two villains. You are evil personified. I don’t think Uptown Update and the neighborhood residents know who the hell they are. They look at themselves in the mirror and see nothing. If they do happen to see someone, they expect the image staring back at them to say hello first.

Uptown Update and the residents of Uptown are merciless, cruel, and bear ill will towards anyone not privileged like them. After them, everyone else comes first.

*On the Uptown Update site there are no real names of “reporters” on the pieces. There is no name of an editor or publisher. There is not even an About Page. It is a total anonymous publication. Makes one wonder who is really behind Uptown Update, and who they really speak for or promote, and who pays them off. What are the cowards at Uptown Update afraid of? Exposure? Inquiring minds want to know.

Good Friday

Today is Good Friday. For the faithful, Good Friday commemorates the death of Jesus Christ. It leads us into Easter Sunday, celebrating His resurrection.

For three days, Thursday through Sunday, believers commemorate a feast, the capture, and suffering of Christ, His Crucifixion, death, burial, and resurrection. The Easter weekend also symbolizes the transition from winter and death to spring, beginning a new life.

A local harbinger of spring was the birth of the first bison of this year at Fermilab. Fermilab has a herd of over 30 bison on a reconstructed all grass prairie established in 1969. Every spring, new calves are born. Other signs of spring are flowers and other greenery blooming, despite the yo-yo weather.

The four seasons celebrate life, death, rejuvenation, and rebirth. It is the nature of the Earth. The exception to the life-death cycle is the human species. The Fifth Commandment states, “Thou shalt not kill.” The actual translation is “Thou shalt not murder.” Somehow, through the millennia, humans have not adapted.

There is no resurrection, no celebration of life’s rejuvenation. To quote John Prine, “And I always will remember these words my daddy said. He said, ” Buddy, when you’re dead, you’re a dead pecker-head.” (When I get to Heaven)

Humans consider ourselves the superior species, yet we are the only species on Earth that keeps killing its own, whether it is murders or wars. Some superiority. For some reason, we just cannot stop murdering or trying to murder each other. Animals are the only species that obey the commandment.

Between 2020 and 2021, over 1500 people were shot and killed in Chicago. Their families commemorate them. Thousands more were wounded. It was two years of relentless violence.

War is raging in Ukraine. Thousands of innocent people are being slaughtered by the murderous Russian army on orders of its blood-thirsty leader. Millions more were driven from their homes. Unknown thousands were taken to Russia and placed in “filtration” camps before being taken to undisclosed locations in the far north. History is repeating itself.

So, that’s what they wanted: lies. Beautiful lies. That’s what they needed. (Charles Bukowski)

Humans keep making excuses for murder and the mass murder of war. Guns, drugs, gangs, poverty, racism, economics, covetous, nationalism, mental health, and a host of other issues. They are all lies. Beautiful lies we need to believe in our supposed human superiority. The beautiful lies make us feel better about our so-called humanity. Some of the lies we tell ourselves, others are provided by politicians and their propagandists. More beautiful lies are made up by mental health “professionals” to allegedly explain behavior.

Our propensity to murder proves humans are not humane. As a species, we are devoid of humanity. Humanity is another beautiful lie we created to make us feel good about ourselves.

Between Chicago and Ukraine, the Grim Reaper and the Angel of Death are working overtime together. There are no legions of Archangels to protect or rescue us from ourselves. We are our own worst enemies.

Easter celebrates renewal and the promise of hope. Unfortunately, human society is hopeless. We do not practice what we preach.

If you go to Good Friday services today, say a prayer for Chicago. Your life may depend on it. Say a prayer for Ukraine. Their existence depends on it.

Easter and Peeps

Image: PV Bella

It is that time of year again when a disgusting holiday food item appears. It joins the list of disgusting things like Pumpkin Spice and Candy Corn.

The disgusting Easter treats are Peeps, those neon-colored chicks or bunnies. They are popular with children. They look tempting but are just as disgusting as Candy Corn. It is claimed they are almost indestructible. Supposedly the eyes are indestructible.

When my daughter was in first or second grade, she was going to a play date around Easter. She said they were going to assassinate Peeps. You put them in the microwave and “assassinate” them. It is about all they are good for.

Peeps are made with sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, and dyes. Peeps were originally produced by Just Born, a candy manufacturer in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Other candy companies make similar confections. They are all horrible.

Peeps have only one use, decorative. They have no flavor except sugar. The texture is anywhere from chewy to sandy, depending on their age. Like candy corn, I cannot fathom why something with no flavor is so popular. Maybe people’s imaginations run wild, thinking they taste something other than pure sugar.

Easter will be celebrated next week by sects of Ukraine Catholics and the Ukraine Orthodox Church(s) in Ukraine. Bogged down in an unprovoked invasion with death, destruction, displacement, war crimes, and genocide, it is difficult to comprehend how Ukrainians can celebrate the joy of Christ’s Resurrection.

The Ukraine people are suffering and fighting a relentless, heartless, soulless enemy. Worse, their president must literally beg the supposed free world for weaponry to fight to save his nation and the lives of his people.

While celebrating Easter, if you are a believer, pray for Ukraine. There will be no joy for them this year.

A Monday modest proposal

Image: PV Bella

I was in a saloon Saturday watching the Cubs and White Sox games. Other televisions had the Masters Tournament on. Who in their right mind watches golf on television, especially in a saloon? Golf is the most boring sport in the world next to curling. It is the equivalent of watching paint dry or waiting for a fly to die on someone’s face.

People who watch golf live dull, meaningless, and worthless lives. Avid golfers are psychotic. Maybe someone could come up with a conversion therapy for those poor souls.

Golf courses are a massive waste of valuable real estate and create environmental problems with all the chemicals needed to keep all that useless grass green and healthy. Some years back, a study linked certain cancers to people who lived next to golf courses due to the chemicals.

Golf courses use copious amounts of water to keep the grass growing. What a waste of a precious resource. Then, there is the maintenance, mowing, raking, etc. Another waste of time. Golf is a wasteful sport with no redeeming social value.

This brings me to a modest proposal. We have a severe problem with homelessness in Chicago. City Hall would rather we overlook the homeless camps, people living on the El or in the El stations, the underground Wacker and Michigan Avenues, or other places. They pretend the homeless do not exist. They would rather the homeless stay invisible.

No one in this city of political and social service dullards can come up with a solution to mitigate homelessness. They are not even trying. They cater to the two-wheeled bicycle terrorists and rental bike, and scooter corporations. Our local news media treats the homeless population as if they did not exist. They are the spokes weasels for the city, hyping whatever the city tells them to and ignoring real issues.

George Carlin came up with the perfect solution to homelessness. (Video below) Turn golf courses into housing for the homeless. Golf courses are a waste of property for people who dress funny to hit little white balls around the grass. Nine Chicago golf courses can be legally turned into communities to temporarily house the homeless, assist them, and transition people to employment and permanent housing.

Small to medium manufactured homes could be inexpensively built, including social service, centers, educational, job training, medical clinics, dining, and recreation facilities. The homeless can be sheltered, assisted with whatever problems they are suffering from, seek employment, and eventually transition to their own housing. The city could even offer training programs to transition people to city employment. City Hall could partner with other experienced providers like The Salvation Army.

Some of the acreages of the courses could be turned into organic farms and greenhouses to grow food for the inhabitants and sell at onsite farmer’s markets.

Chicago Park District golf courses could be easily transferred to the city. Privately owned golf courses could be taken through eminent domain. They would be considered blight- useless waste of property and ecologically unsound. There is probably a way to get state and federal funding for such an undertaking.

Converting golf courses to communities to assist and transition the homeless is a way better and more humane use of those green wastelands. There would still be a few city courses left, as the land cannot be built on for esthetic or legal reasons. Golfers also can go to the burbs to play with their little balls.

If Chicago is to be a humane and compassionate city, turning useless golf courses into housing, social services, job training, and transitioning centers is the best use of those properties. The NIMBYs will protest and cry foul. No one should care what they think. They are not coming up with simple solutions to issues. Screw them.

Carlin was ahead of his time and right. Hey, mayor Lightfoot, get on board and grab all that real estate to assist the homeless. Chicago does not need golf. Homeless people need help. It is a simple, elegant solution.

Here is a list of the golf courses that could and should be converted to assist the homeless:

Columbus Park

Robert A. Black

Billy Caldwell

Edgebrook

Marquette Park

Douglas Park

Indian Boundary

Beverly Country Club

Ridge CC

Give Royko* a statue

Image: Chicago Tribune

“Find a writer who has something American to say, and nine times out of ten you will find he has some connection with the Gargantuan abattoir by Lake Michigan- he was bred there, or got his start there, or passed through there when he was young and tender.” (Henry L. Mencken/American Mercury 1933)

Mike Royko had something to say, a lot to say. Finding a writer with something American to say is harder and harder these days. Journalists or columnists who know the streets, saloons, alleys, Els, working stiffs and the real people who make this city great are rare. Finding one who can talk like and appeal to them is even rarer. Oh, there are a few still out there, still barely hanging on. But for how long?

In 1963 the Chicago Daily News gave a gawky goofy looking guy a column of his own. That guy went on to enrage, enlighten, and entertain Chicago for over 30 years. That guy was Mike Royko. There is a petition on Change.org to erect a statue of Mike Royko. “Chicago, the greatest city, deserves a statue of Mike Royko, its greatest columnist.”

The Chicago School of Journalism started its slow death on April 29th, 1997, when Mike Royko died. All that is left is to give Chicago journalism the last rights, drive a stake through its heart, and cremate it.

Royko was the best columnist in the country when he was alive. He was the preeminent chronicler of Chicago, its politics, people, and the Chicago way. Any and every topic was fodder for a Royko column. A former colleague and friend was the subject of one of his columns. (Subscription may be required.) No one did it better at the time.

“Dijareadroyko” was on the lips of many Chicagoans daily. On public trans, in the workplace, on the street, in the diners and bars, and whispered in City Hall. No matter how big or powerful, he could and would sting you. No matter how low or insignificant, he could champion your cause.

Like our mayors, politicians, and bureaucrats, Royko was a guy people loved to hate and hated to love. He could make you laugh, cry, or get angry, sometimes in the same column.

Royko, like most Chicago artists, was prodigious. Royko wrote a column five days a week for over thirty years. His columns were syndicated in more than 600 newspapers. He wrote over 7500 columns. He also wrote a column for Reader’s Digest called “That’s Outrageous.”

He started his column with the Daily News. When that paper folded, he went to the Chicago Sun-Times. He eventually landed at the Chicago Tribune, a paper he said he would never work for. He left the Times because it was bought by someone he thought was odious.

Royko was fearless. He did not care about the powers that be or being “offensive,” whatever that means. Being offended is a personal choice. Others are not responsible for the choices people make. Mike Royko was human, which means he was not perfect. As the Son of the Great of the Great Comedian once said, “Let he who is perfect cast the first brick.”

Mike Royko was a son of Chicago. Many thought he was a son of a something else. He was born, raised, and lived his life here until he moved to the leafy suburbs, where people go to wait to die.

Aside from his political columns, Mike Royko was a champion of the little guy, the oppressed, the victims of the Chicago way, the blue-collar ethnic working-class, and the poor. He gave people who had no say a voice.

Royko’s good friend Studs Terkel summed up his legacy:

“He was possessed by a demon. How else to explain the tavern keeper’s kid, in a world he never made, a world compressed into one, cockeyed wonder of a city; of “haves” kicking the bejeepers out of “have-nots”; of Jane Addams and Al Capone; of Florence Scala, a neighborhood heroine, and Richard J. Daley- and of Slats Grobnik, for God’s sake. Royko was the right one in the right city at the right time: to tell us in small tales what this big, crazy world in the last half of the twentieth century was all about. And the devil made him do it.” (The Best of Mike Royko One more Time/University of Chicago Press)

There is a statue of a mere gossip columnist, Irv Kupcinet, and statues of beloved sports announcers, Harry Caray and Jack Brickhouse. There is no statue for another beloved Chicago columnist, Ann Landers (Eppie Lederer). It is past time for her to have a statue too.

Royko was a devotee of 16-inch softball, the only softball in Chicago. I still do not know why 12-inch softball is not banned in this city. By the way, who wears gloves to play softball? I guess the powers that be do not want to offend the Wussie community. They might cry, protest, and band together to form an organization- Little Balls Matter, LBM.

Maybe a statue of Royko holding a sixteen-inch softball aloft like Hamlet holding the skull of “Poor Yorick” would be cool. Royko would appreciate the Shakespearean element. When I shared the petition on Facebook, a friend, the Geriatric Genius, stated the statue should be in front of City Hall, with Royko giving it the finger. It could be put on the ugly Daley concrete flower partition in the middle of the street.

Mike Royko deserves a statue and an honorary street named after him wherever it is erected. Royko Road has a nice ring to it. If not a sculpture, a permanent mural or mosaic mural would be lovely. Chicago has great artists who would do justice to the project.

If we can erect a statue of a mere gossip columnist, we should have one for Royko, who contributed so much commentary, laughter, anger, and entertainment to the people of this city. Then, we can talk about a statue for Ann Landers.

*For those who came to Chicago from someplace else, calling people by their last names is a long-held and cherished Chicago tradition.