Author: pvbella

“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.” — Henry Van Dyke

Thanksgiving is on Thursday. The Christmas shopping season- Black Friday- starts the next day. Thanksgiving is the only holiday that celebrates gratitude.

Humans have celebrated a “holiday” related to gratitude since ancient times. After the harvest, people celebrated the bounty in various ways. That whole garbage about the Pilgrims and Native Americans being the first Thanksgiving in America is pure horse droppings. Native Americans had been celebrating a harvest festival for ages. They just celebrated that one with their new neighbors. The feast was wild game, fish, and whatever the Pilgrims and Native Americans cultivated.

Let’s remember why we celebrate. Forget the history, legend, lore, or myth. We should ignore those imbeciles who want to change the name to something more socio-political accepting to assuage their made-up group guilt.

We celebrate once a year to be grateful for what we have, no matter how much or little. As a friend used to say, “If you have a roof over your head and a loaf of bread under each arm, you should be thankful.”

“The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we all can agree so vehemently about?” — Nora Ephron

We dedicate the day to food. It does not matter what you prepare for the feast, no matter how lavish or meager. You are sharing the love. There is no rule that turkey must be on the menu. Make whatever you want. It is your choice how you celebrate. Just do not forget why we celebrate. To thank God, some other deity, the Great Comedian, or your friends and family for whatever you are grateful for.

Every year I think of all the things I am grateful for. It is a list of little things. It does not change much from year to year.

I am grateful for everyday I wake up, take a breath, my feet hit the floor, and live another day.

I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful to still have a somewhat sound mind.

I am grateful for living in Chicago, the best city in the nation.

I am grateful to have the bare necessities of life, food, shelter, and clothing.

I am grateful that I can still cook the feast with family and friends.

I am grateful for my friends and acquaintances from all walks of life, beliefs, or lack thereof.

I am grateful for our police, firefighters, and EMTs, who keep us safe 24/7/365.

I am grateful for the emergency utility workers who respond to outages no matter the weather.

I am grateful for the medical professionals working in hospitals instead of celebrating.

I am grateful for all the restaurants who sent turkeys and hams to the police stations while we worked on Thanksgiving.

No matter your station or status in life, there is always something or someone(s) to be grateful for.

This Thursday, celebrate gratitude, then enjoy the feast, family, and friends.

“The just-announced DiGiorno Thanksgiving Pizza takes a thick Detroit-style crust and piles it high with turkey, rich gravy, diced sweet potatoes, green beans, cranberries, two kinds of cheese, and a crispy onion topping.” (Food and Wine)

DiGiorno is tapping into the moronic lemming market. The same drooling zombies who cannot wait for and line up outside for over a block for fake pumpkin spice crap from Spewf**ks.

A Thanksgiving pizza? The idiots do not have to wait in long lines to get this garbage pizza. They can order it online every Wednesday until November 22^nd. It is enough to make you blow chow.

Not to be outdone, Salt and Straw has five Thanksgiving flavored ice creams, including Cheesy Potato Casserole, Turkey Stuffing, and Cranberry Sauce. This too is probably flying off the shelves for the braindead consumers. Jumping Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I want to vomit.

It appears the more disgusting companies can make food or drink, the more hugely popular it will be. American consumers are a bunch of gullible people. If the food people created a chocolate-flavored manure spread (Chocoshit?) the schlubs would be out there buying it for their morning toast. There are millions or billions to be made from the stupidity of the average American consumer. These are the same idiots who are allowed to vote.

I was shocked, shocked I say. The Chicago Sun-Times finally wrote a piece on the McCaskey Ken Dolls that was not a slobbering love letter. Unlike the rest of the corrupt sports media in this city, they stated what I have been saying, the McCaskey’s are to blame for the team’s p**s poor performance. “What ails the Bears? Call it the Curse of the McCaskeys.” While they do not scorch the McCaskeys, they hit the nail on the head. It is not journalistically appropriate to scorch people who deserve scorching in this new age of supposed Chicago journalism.

My friend, Bob Angone wrote this piece for the Beverly Review- “Mind-boggling increase in crime awaits answer.” He discusses the huge rise in armed robberies in Chicago. He quotes former Attorney General Bobby Kennedy- “Every society gets the kind of criminal it deserves. What is equally true is that every community gets the kind of law enforcement it insists on.” Bob is a retired Chicago Police Lieutenant.

Chicago communities and some alderpersons are in an uproar over the Brandon Johnson regime, not involving them in deciding where the migrant tent cities are going to be placed. Winter will be here before one tent is pitched. If Johnson was smart- which is a stretch- he would have put the first tent city in Austin, where he lives. Then he could tell the detractors if it is good enough for his neighborhood, it is good enough for theirs. It is called leading by example. Johnson is not bright enough to realize this.

The Cubs replaced manager David Ross with Craig Counsell from the Milwaukee Brewers. Counsell will be the highest paid manager in baseball. Counsell worked in various capacities, including the front office, so he knows the game and the business. He is known as one of the best managers in baseball. The Cubs could not pass up the opportunity to grab him.

It may anger Cubs fans over the quick firing of Grandpa Ross, but they will get over it by the season opener. Milwaukee fans are furious over the loss of Counsell. In major league sports, anything can happen and will. Professional sport is a tough s**t business. Winning is everything in. Losers go some place else.

The season of the dreaded winter overnight parking ban is approaching. Yesterday’s snow reminded me of this. Starting December 1^st, parking is prohibited from 3a.m. to 7 a.m. on over 100 hundred miles of city-designated streets until April 1^st. It does not matter if there is snow or not. The city will tow your car. There are also 500 miles of streets that prohibit parking if there is two inches or more snow. If you park on these streets overnight, your car will be towed. Check for those signs, people, or trudge down to the pound to pay the piper twice, once for the ticket and then the tow. In the city of Chicago, it is all about the Kachingo$. City Hall does not care about streets or plowing. City Hall only cares about cold hard cash.

After a heavy snowfall, Dibs is holding a shoveled-out parking space by putting barricades in the street to claim the space. Dibs is a decades-old winter tradition in Chicago. Some people claim Dibs all winter long. Some do not wait for the heavy snow. They claim their parking space when there is little snow or even a threat of snow.

Some get creative to the point of setting out a dining table set with plates and silverware. There are plastic Christmas religious statues, inflatables, children’s plastic playhouses, nativity scenes, standing frozen pants, and other unique items. The usual things are milk crates, sawhorses, or lawn chairs, some with boards stretched across.

Technically, dibs are illegal. According to the municipal code, streets will not be obstructed with items including “crates, boxes, or hogsheads” (Barrels). Like many in Chicago, including our politicians, no one cares about laws. The only law in Chicago is the Eleventh Commandment, “Thou shall not get caught.”

Dibs is controversial. Dibs can lead people to damage cars, arguments, or even violence. Violent crimes committed over Dibs should not be a worry as our Cook County State’s Attorney, Kim Foxx, will not prosecute crimes of mutual combat. Our lenient judges will probably throw the cases out if she approves charges.

Columnists and editorial boards have written pro, con, and humorous articles about the practice over the decades. Former mayors supported the tradition. Former Mayor Lori Lightfoot discouraged Dibs, though she understands it- whatever that means. We do not know what Mayor Brandon Johnson’s view on dibs is. I am sure it will be a nonsensical statement filled with terms like equity, snow justice, and other inanities.

How popular is Dibs? There are social media pages about the tradition. There is a Facebook page too, Chicago Dibs. Dibs is a form of tolerated subversiveness in Chicago. People take to the streets with their shovels and snow blowers to clear a parking space, then put up the barricades. They worked hard for it, risking the widow making heart-a-stroke. They earned it. That space is theirs. “Whose streets? Our streets.” Why should some lazy, low-life motherless mook, mameluke, or jamoke be entitled to reap the benefits of their hard work?

There is a Judge Dibs in Chicago. He is as wise beyond his years as the ancient Greek philosophers. He decides dibs cases based on the rules and the situation, the“Dibstitution.” Judge Dibs is tough but fair. He once named me the Lord High Chamberlain of Dibs. I would have preferred Lord High Executioner, but Illinois eliminated the death penalty. I was honored to have such a title bestowed on me. But I do not have the time to execute my duties. I have my own problems with people blocking my side driveway because Illinois issues driver’s licenses to blind people.

Some claim Dibs is uncivil. They believe people who toil should not reap the fruits of their labor. According to these apostates, we should be kind and understanding towards each other. A few go so far as to suggest people shovel out parking spaces for their neighbors or even the whole block. It is an act of kindness and a neighborly thing to do. Those people are Communists. There is one problem with this line of thinking if you call it that. Chicago, the “City of Neighborhoods,” does not have Mr. Roger’s neighborhood. I don’t know if they noticed, but Mr. Roger’s is dead.

Winter is coming. Snow is coming. Dibs is the natural order of things. Let there be peace on earth and Dibs in Chicago.

As Judge Dibs states:

“Respect Dibs.

Revere the Dibstitution.

And love thy neighbor, baby.

So let it be written. So let it be done.”

Once again, the McCaskey Ken Dolls of the NFFL- National Fake Football League- lost another game Sunday Night. A few former pundits expressed they might- might being the operative word- only win one more game this season. Because of their miserable performance and horrid owners, I have a modest proposal.

Since Mayor Brandon Johnson does not have the cojones to go into federal court to stop the unlawful filtration of migrants from Texas Führer, Greg Abbott, Johnson should use his emergency powers to cancel all Ken Doll home games.

Soldier Field should be used to build a tent city to house the migrants. It is the perfect facility. It has space, it is not near a neighborhood so no residents will be against it. The facility has restrooms, food concessions, and the home and away locker rooms have showers. The city could provide the migrants with meal ticket books. They could reimburse the concessionaires for food consumed by the migrants.

Volunteer agencies could replace those offensive tailgaters, providing nourishing food to the migrants instead of that moldy swill they are getting from that politically connected staffing agency bilking the city out of millions of dollars.

Since the communities are rightfully up in arms over Johnson not involving them in the process of tenting migrants in their neighborhoods, this would eliminate public anger over his dictatorial edicts.

Johnson refuses to inform or seek input from the communities. He and his regime just do what they want. Meet the new mayor, same as the old mayors. So, if they want to do what they want, take over Soldier Field. Screw the McCaskeys, their team, and the drooling, bark chewing, knuckle dragging, brain dead Ken Doll fans.

This would be a benefit because communities would be mollified. Ken Doll fans would not have the embarrassment of watching the team lose at home. The other benefit is not having Ken Doll fans in drinking establishments on the canceled game days. Intelligent people can drink in peace without seeing all their offensive clothing and listening to them cheer for losers. We can watch other sports like soccer and rugby, you know, real football.

This modest proposal is a win-win for the city. They have a safe environment for the migrants. They can provide decent meals and sanitary restrooms. The migrants can be contained to receive social and legal services in one place. Soldier Field is a safer alternative than the neighborhoods. Everything is in one place for these people.

The only people who would suffer would be the McCaskeys. But turn-around is fair play. They caused enough suffering and emotional distress with their horrid ownership and management of the team. So what if they have to forfeit games? It does not affect the city as a whole. It does not affect the team because they are not going to the postseason, anyway. Oh, and they would have to refund ticket holders. The McCaskeys deserve to lose the money.

The only people who may be affected are the Chicago sportswriters, who are bigger cheerleaders than the fans. Chicago sports writers should be required to wear colorful uniforms and carry pom poms so they can be instantly recognized. Their few criticisms are so mild they sound like compliments.

Once again, a simple solution to a simple problem.

Fixture: a familiar or invariably present element or feature in some particular setting especially : a person long associated with a place or activity (Merriam Webster)

Shelley Howard was a fixture on Rush Street and in Old Town. He was dubbed the Mayor of Old Town. Shelley Howard knew everybody and just about everybody knew him. If people did not know him, they knew or saw his work. He provided the posters for acts that played in various Northside clubs, especially Jam Productions.

During the 1980s, Shelley Howard created Video Dancestand which presented music videos for a dance-club audience. Video Dancestand appeared in various clubs and venues drawing thousands every weekend.

Shelley Howard had a presence on social media. His pet peeve was people misspelling his name. He had to remind them it was Shelley with an e. I met Shelley several years ago in Gibsons. We would run into each other at various events and a friendship was formed.

On Saturdays he could be found holding court with friends, eating Sushi or at Topio Gigio in Old Town, sipping a Martini. He was also a Rush Street denizen, usually at Tavern, Carmines, or Gibsons. Sometimes it would be all three. Shelley was also known for his birthday parties, usually at an upscale venue. He could also be found at various events throughout the Near Northside. If there was an open party, Shelley would be there.

Shelley remembered birthdays and posted them on Facebook with the message, “You’re not getting better, you’re getting older. Or is it the other way around. I kinda get confused at my age. Happy Birthday…”

Shelley was a devoted gardener. He posted pictures of his plants and lawn throughout the spring and summer months.

He was a devoted father and grandfather. His son, Sean, posted this on Facebook- “It’s with a heavy heart today that I say goodbye to my best friend. Dad you were an absolute legend and I don’t know what I’ll do without you…. You brought so many people together and were loved by so many. You will forever be the strongest person I’ve ever known and thank you for making me the man I am today. RIP Dad I love you forever.”

Friends and acquaintances posted their sympathies and memories throughout the day on Facebook and Instagram, some on Shelley’s pages. He was a friend to many and will be missed. Like a mutual friend posted, “He was our guy.”

Farewell Shelley. May your memory be a blessing. See you on the other side when I get there. Have the Martinis ready.

“The proposed ordinance also stipulates only “organizations, not-for-profit entities and licensed businesses” would be eligible to receive the necessary permit to build a bookcase on city land under the legislation.

Private individuals would not be allowed to construct the structures on public property at all, Lopez confirmed this week.

Libraries on private property, like a front yard, would not be impacted.”

Lopez did not directly answer a question about whether neighbors who have built Little Free Libraries on public property would be allowed to keep them. But he said they should “get ready to have that conversation” about the structure’s future. (Block Club Chicago)

In the realm of you gotta be f***ing kidding me. The Chicago Circus Council has nothing better to do than to “regulate” the Little Free Libraries that dot the city landscape. The concept of the Little Free Libraries is to place books in a small structure. People are encouraged to take a book and, if possible, leave one. Some provide non-perishable food items or toiletries for those in need.

In this age of book and language banning from the extremists on the right and the left, our alderclowns want these libraries to obtain permits if they are on the parkways. Only organizations, non-profits, and licensed businesses would be eligible. Individuals nope.

“So what this ordinance does is just basically creates a permit that will serve as a way of registering these in the public way.”

This is an ordinance Alderclown Ray Lopez (15^th) proposed last week. It will move to the full Clown Council this week for passage. It is hoped there are enough alderclowns who will vote this preposterous idea down. But, too many of them think alike when it comes to power of Circus Hall to stifle great ideas. It means they are not thinking.

What next? The contents of the libraries need to be registered too to assure “objectionable content” is not in the free libraries? Will people leaving food and toiletries need to get a license? Will the city demand architectural drawings for the permits along with inspections by the Building Department? How far will this go?

These structures do not pose a threat or danger to citizens unless Lopez thinks the ideas in free books are dangerous, or providing sustenance and comfort to those in need is perilous. Every one of these libraries I have seen is well constructed. They can be bought as kits or pre-built all over the internet and they are pricey- 2–3-hundred-dollar price range.

People do all kinds of things in their parkways, including ripping out the lawns and replacing them with types of gravel or stones, encasing them with barriers and planting gardens, and other decorative effects. They put signage on or decorate trees, which are owned by the city. They place lawn signs on the parkways. No permits are required.

What does alderclown Lopez have against free books? Why does he want to regulate books? This is one of the dumbest ideas out of the many dumb ideas to come out of Circus Hall over the decades.

The Little Free Libraries harm no one. They are not unsafe or unsightly, like the ugly ghost bikes chained all over the city on parkways or other city land. Those do not require a permit. They are put up with no permission from the city. They are unregulated. Worse, they are litter and blight. Yet, the city refuses to remove them. Hmmm? Maybe the alderclowns get hefty donations from the whiny bike people and their crybaby organizations. It is the only reason I can think of that these ugly displays are allowed.

This is Banned Books Week (10/1-10/7). Banned Books Week started in Chicago in 1982 through the American Library Association, headquartered here. The week draws attention to national and local efforts to ban books in libraries, schools, and bookstores. According to the ALA, 2022 had the most attempted book bans on record. 2023 could be the next record year.

The first banned book in America was New English Canaan by Thomas Morton in 1637. It was a harsh criticism of Puritanism. The Puritans were the dominant political and religious force in the Massachusetts colony. Book bans along with other bans on published materials have come and gone throughout American history. In the 1950’s there were attempts to ban comic books, as they were accused of deviance or difference from established cultural norms, including stories of forbidden crimes, passions, and identities.

Social activists- whatever that means- successfully banned certain books for offensive language or offensive depictions of people that were deemed racially insensitive. They are still trying to keep these books off the shelves. Some publishers are rewriting the books. Do not buy these rewritten books. By them used. Two examples are Huck Finn and To Kill a Mockingbird.

Once again book banning is raising its ugly head. Extremist politicians like Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and their proxies like Moms for Liberty are pushing- sometimes successfully- for book bans in libraries and schools. Moms for Liberty focuses on removing what they deem as inappropriate books from school libraries. There is one title for these book banners like Moms for Liberty, hate groups.

No books should be banned. People choose to be offended. Society, schools, and libraries are not responsible for people’s personal choices. The rallying cry of the banners is protecting children. Politicians and groups like Mom for Liberty do not care and never cared about children. They only care about their narrow-mindless pseudo religious beliefs. These people are not Christians. They are heretics.

We should value schools and libraries. Activists and politicians have no value when they try to ban books or ideas. These narrow mindless people believe their views are shared by most Americans. They have been proven wrong time after time.

There are too many activists who believe in making America great again- whatever the f**k that means. They would start with books, then art, then television and movies. These are the American Nazis. Like their brethren, they would confiscate and destroy “objectionable” materials. They would ban anything they deem objectional. There are people on the left who hold the same ideas of banning “objectional” material. It is history repeating itself. We cannot let that happen.

The country is constantly changing. Values and morals change. Society changes. There is always a small vocal antediluvian dodo bird minority that fights changes. They want to go back to the Puritan era of ignorance. They use religious zealotry and made up “American values” as a reason for their mindless thinking.

This week buy a banned book or a book the left or right zealots want banned. Read it and pass it on. To learn more about book bans check out the Banned Books Week website or the Pen America Freedom to Learn series.

Chicago is where sports fans hope for championships go to die. While the Cubs were winning against the Brewers, the Marlins beat the Pirates, clinching the last Wild Card playoff spot. The Cubs lost their last game Sunday, falling to the Brewers, 4-0.

The Cubs had a roller-coaster season. They started out strong, went into a losing slump, came back strong, and slumped again. The Cubs lost too many games this season. That is the bottom line, the reason they will not be in the playoffs.

The blame game has already started on social media. Management, coaching, players, game rosters, and a list of other supposed issues are being blamed. Maybe some or all of the issues are to blame for the team’s failure to go into the postseason. The team will do a thorough examination and make the changes. Cub’s fans will have to live the motto, “Wait till next year.”

The White Sox held some early season promise too. They went on a losing streak and struggled throughout the rest of the season, losing 100 games. It’s just the fifth time in franchise history the Sox have lost 100 games. “They’ve only had four 100-loss seasons — 1932, 1948, 1970, and 2018.” (Chicago Tribune) Hope died earlier for them than the Cubs.

The McCaskey Ken Dolls did not fail to disappoint their suffering fans, losing 31-28 to the Broncos. This is their fourth consecutive loss this season. The spread was 3 points in favor of the Broncos. The Broncos came off last week’s humiliating 70-20 loss last week to the Dolphins to beat the Ken Dolls. People I know on social media are throwing in the towel. One is as disgusted as I am and no longer a fan. It must be liberating for him.

The Ken Dolls are the worst sports team in Chicago. They have no talent, poor coaching, and apathetic owners whose only concern is to count the kachingos$. Piss poor is too kind to describe this horrid team and their management. And please do not tell me about Justin Field’s stats or his “record-setting day.” Stats are meaningless if the team does not win games.

Hockey and basketball are in the preseason and hopes will be high for the Blackhawks and Bulls. We shall see if hope dies or if there is a postseason for those teams.

No matter how high our hopes are, we are prepared for disappointment. Even with disappointment, Chicagoans are loyal avid fans of our teams. We attend or watch the games at home or in saloons. Many buy branded clothing and other paraphernalia wearing or displaying it proudly.

It would be nice to have one champion or division-champion Chicago team this year. Go Bulls and Hawks.

“…X formerly known as Twitter.” The morons in the news media keep using that phrase. Twitter became X in April, five months ago. The moronic news people think its readers are illiterate less-ons- lower than morons. Geez, how many times do they believe they have to remind us over and over and again that Twitter is X?

The McCaskey Ken Dolls did not fail to disappoint their mentally handicapped, drooling, slobbering peckerhead fans. They lost to the Kansas City Chiefs 41-10. I cheered Ken Doll’s loss with gusto. The only more humiliating game was the Dolphins beating the Broncos 70-20. The record for most points in a game is 72 points by Washington in 1966.

The McCaskey’s do not care about winning. They only care about making the big bucks and spending as little as possible. The best thing they can do for the Ken Doll fans is to sell the team to people who want to win. The McCaskeys took the Ken Dolls from the Monsters of the Midway to the Sob Sisters of Soldier Field.

The Cubs so far have a wild card slot for the postseason. They will arrive in Atlanta on Sunday night in possession of the third and final National League wild card. FanGraphs’ projections give the Cubs a 55.5% chance of making the playoffs. The Miami Marlins, who are one game back, are at 52.5% Six games separate the Cubs and a return to the postseason… They must rack up wins against two teams already locked into the playoffs. The Cubs made things harder on themselves with a dreadful two-week stretch leading into their final homestand but are still where they want to be.

International soccer star Megan Rapinoe will leave her national team career a winner. The captain of the US Team played her last game here in Chicago at Soldier Field. The US beat South Africa 2-0, capping off a terrific career for Rapinoe. Rapinoe won gold medals with the national team in the 2012 London Olympics, scoring three goals and a team record of four assists. She is the first male or female player to score a goal from a corner. She did it twice.

I do not care about her politics or activism. She is an outstanding athlete and a star soccer player. Playing her last game in Chicago was an honor for our city.

Unlike fake “professional football,” soccer is a real sport. It’s a tough sport. Not one NFL player would last over fifteen minutes on a soccer pitch. Soccer players are athletes. Football players are actors. The only reason they call it professional football is because the actors get paid.

PHOTO: Chicago Tribune

Today, Mike Royko would have been 91 years old. I reprised this column to celebrate his birthday.

“Find a writer who has something American to say, and nine times out of ten you will find he has some connection with the Gargantuan abattoir by Lake Michigan- he was bred there, or got his start there, or passed through there when he was young and tender.” (Henry L. Mencken/American Mercury 1933)

Mike Royko had something to say, a lot to say. Finding a writer with something American to say is harder and harder these days. Journalists or columnists who know the streets, saloons, alleys, Els, working stiffs, and the real people who make this city great are rare. Finding one who can talk like and appeal to them is even rarer. Oh, there are a few still out there, still barely hanging on. But for how long?

In 1963, the Chicago Daily News gave a gawky, goofy-looking guy his own column. That guy went on to enrage, enlighten, and entertain Chicago for over 30 years. That guy was Mike Royko. There was a petition on Change.org to erect a statue of Mike Royko. “Chicago, the greatest city, deserves a statue of Mike Royko, its greatest columnist.”

The Chicago School of Journalism started its slow death on April 29^th, 1997, when Mike Royko died. All that is left is to give Chicago journalism the last rites, drive a stake through its heart, and cremate it.

Royko was the best columnist in the country when he was alive. He was the preeminent chronicler of Chicago, its politics, people, and the Chicago Way. Any and every topic was fodder for a Royko column. A former colleague and friend of mine was the subject of one of his columns. (Subscription may be required.) No one did it better at the time.

“Dijareadroyko” was on the lips of many Chicagoans daily. On public trans, in the workplace, on the street, in the diners and bars, and whispered in City Hall. No matter how big or powerful, he could and would sting you. No matter how low or insignificant, he could champion your cause.

Like our mayors, politicians, and bureaucrats, Royko was a guy people loved to hate and hated to love. He could make you laugh, cry, or get angry, sometimes in the same column.

Royko, like most Chicago artists, was prodigious. Royko wrote a column five days a week for over thirty years. His columns were syndicated in over 600 newspapers. He wrote over 7500 columns. He also wrote a column for Reader’s Digest called “That’s Outrageous.”

Royko started his column with the Daily News. When that paper folded, he went to the Chicago Sun-Times. He eventually landed at the Chicago Tribune, a paper he said he would never work for. He left the Times because someone he thought was odious bought it.

Royko was fearless. He did not care about the powers that be or being “offensive,” whatever that means. Being offended is a personal choice. Others are not responsible for the choices people make. Mike Royko was human, which means he was not perfect. As the Son of the Great Comedian the once said, “Let he who is perfect cast the alley apple*.”

Mike Royko was a son of Chicago. Many thought he was a son of a something else. He was born, raised, and lived his life here until he moved to the leafy suburbs, where city people go to wait to die.

Aside from his political columns, Mike Royko was a champion of the little guy, the oppressed, the victims of the Chicago Way, the blue-collar ethnic working-class, and the poor. He gave people who had no say a voice.

Royko’s good friend Studs Terkel, summed up his legacy:

“He was possessed by a demon. How else to explain the tavern keeper’s kid, in a world he never made, a world compressed into one, cockeyed wonder of a city; of “haves” kicking the bejeepers out of “have-nots”; of Jane Addams and Al Capone; of Florence Scala, a neighborhood heroine, and Richard J. Daley- and of Slats Grobnik, for God’s sake. Royko was the right one in the right city at the right time: to tell us in small tales what this big, crazy world in the last half of the twentieth century was all about. And the devil made him do it.” (The Best of Mike Royko One More Time/University of Chicago Press)

There is a statue of a mere gossip columnist, Irv Kupcinet, and statues of beloved sports announcers, Harry Caray, and Jack Brickhouse. There is no statue for another beloved Chicago columnist, Ann Landers (Eppie Lederer). It is past time for her to have a statue, too.

Royko was a devotee of 16-inch softball, the only softball in Chicago. I still do not know why 12-inch softball is not banned in this city. By the way, who wears gloves to play softball? I guess the powers that be do not want to offend the Wussie community. They might cry, protest, and band together to form an organization- Little Balls Matter, LBM.

Maybe a statue of Royko holding a sixteen-inch softball aloft like Hamlet holding the skull of “Poor Yorick,” would be cool. Royko would appreciate the Shakespearean element. When I shared the petition on Facebook, an acquaintance, the Geriatric Genius, stated the statue should be in front of City Hall, with Royko giving it the finger. It could be put on the ugly concrete flower partition in the middle of the street.

Mike Royko deserves a statue. If not a sculpture, a permanent mural, or mosaic mural would be lovely. Chicago has talented artists who would do justice to the project.

If we can erect a statue of a mere gossip columnist, we should have one for Royko, who contributed so much commentary, laughter, anger, and entertainment to the people of this city. Then, we can talk about a statue of Ann Landers.

*For those who came to Chicago from some place else, calling people by their last names is a long-held and cherished Chicago tradition.

*Alley apple: Any hard thing found in an alley. Bricks, pieces of concrete, chunks of coal, stones, etc. Anything that would break windows, heads, or bones.