Peter V. Bella Posts

Chicago politicians are treated like ancient Roman deities. They are revered, worshipped, and more importantly, feared.

I do not understand why people idolize politicians. Idolizing a politician is like believing a stripper or prostitute loves you. Living in Chicago, I realized why the Great Comedian only let Noah only put animals on the ark.

In Chicago, there are too few politicians to idolize or admire. Most are deserving of disrespect and derision. They give low-lives a good name. Some elected officials provide entertainment and comedic relief when they are not plundering our pockets with taxes or grabbing graft.

Our politicians are also noted for their colorful hyperbole. Mayor Lori Lightfoot topped the cake when she remarked about her d**k size.

It is not just politicians who deserve derision. The Superintendent of Police and First deputy Superintendent are the best comedy team in town. They are running the Chicago Police Department like the Keystone Cops.

Getting angry over how this city is being run into the ground is futile since the voters have pea-sized brains. They keep electing and reelecting these people. There is only one thing to do, poke fun at them.

Chicago politicians and other notables are known for their colorful nicknames like our former outfit characters. There were Hinky Dink, Bathhouse, Gray Wolves, The Undertaker, Fast Eddy, and Big Bill, to name a few.

Columnist John Kass took things to a more academic level by using Latin nicknames. First, it was Commodious Maximus for Governor Pritzker. He recently named Mayor Lori Lightfoot Phallus Maximus due to her bragging about her d**k size.

The mayor and governor are not the only ones who deserve Latin appellations. Others in this Ventosus Urbs should have Latin nicknames. A few more than one.

So, let’s play the Nomen Ludus, The Name Game.

Populus Chicago Quiritium, amicique et cives mei, benigne me attenteque audiatis.*

Mike Madigan

• Holoserica Malleus/Velvet Hammer
• Torva Serpens/Grim Creeper
• Crypta Custos/Crypt Keeper
• Inclementia Caesar/Merciless Emperor

Cook County Board President Toni Preckwinkle:

• Machina Bulla/Machine Boss
• Magnus Maculus/Big Stick
• Tace Malum Maga/Silent Evil Magician

Chief Judge Tim Evans

• Dominus Ito Per/Mr. Go Along

State’s Attorney Kim Foxx

• Minima I Adsignatos/Mini Me Minion

Regina de Mortum/Queen of Death

Alderwoman Michele Smith

• Aureum Sibilus Ceraula/Golden Whistle Blower

Alderman Ed Burke

• Maximus Thunnus/Big Tuna

Superintendent of Police David Brown

• Bovis Puer/Cowboy

First Deputy Superintendent of Police Eric Carter

• Equus Asinus/Horse’s A**

Alderman James Gardiner

• Vitiosus Canis/Vicious Dog

Alderman Patrick Thompson**

• Maximus Corripio Manus/Big Stealing Hands

Alderman Scott Waguespack

• Dominus Mundus/Mister Clean

Alderman James Cappleman

• Dominus Scire Nihil/Mister Know Nothing

The Feds

• MaximusCurrus Legio/Big Chariot Legion

Last but not least, Chicagoans

• Stolidus Cives Vet/Stupid Citizen Voters

*People of Chicago citizens, and my friends and fellow citizens, listen to me kindly and attentively.

**Thompson resigned due to his indictment for financial crimes.

“At #BarTucci Homemade Italian Food, we are a FAMILY made up of Italian-Americans, Asian-Americans, African-Americans, Latino-Americans, but most importantly a FAMILY made up of just plain old great HUMAN BEINGS.

The BarTucci Family and #BarTucciGivesBack have always led by example to help strengthen our community and culture.

But sometimes, you just need to put it on the table…?

This weekend’s dinner special was brought to you by the Mayor of Chicago, Lori Lightfoot, and her vulgar comments towards Italian Americans.

???????? ???????: “The Lori Lightfoot” ?

FREE 9″ Italian Sausage braised in white wine, garlic, and bay leaves with proof that you liked, shared, or commented on this post.

????? ????????? ??? ????-?? ???? (Bar Tucci/Facebook)

It was only a matter of time. When the story about Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s claim to have the “biggest d**k in Chicago, our creatives in the food world rose to the challenge, as you can see from the above Facebook post.

Others are joining the fray.

Lloyds Westside Maxwell St. Polish offers the Lightfootlong, a twelve-inch Polish sandwich with grilled onions.

Putanesca Bakery is offering a pastry swap with longer cannoli they created. “Leave a strap-on. Take the cannoli.”

Disco Danny’s, a South Side retro 70’s bar and restaurant offers Lori’s Long Dong for stuffing down the front of those retro tight-fitting disco pants. to “impress” the ladies.

Kluski Lane, a concept restaurant and sex toy shop, is offering the Lightfootski, a dinner of kielbasa, the length of your choice served with indyk kulki over noodles.

Krapisski’s Deli has several hanging and swinging smoked and cured Priapus brand sausages in various lengths and girths. They are sold by the inch instead of the pound.

Chisicle Freeze offers the Lorisicle, “The Biggest Popsicle in Chicago.” Their proprietary process. It melts slower and lasts longer.

Southwest Side Chi-Tex Tamales offers the Pie Ligero, a foot-long tamale with chorizo sheathed in their signature tubular wrapper. They are sold frozen by the half dozen for pick up at their drive-through in the rear entry of the factory.

 Goose Island Beef, a manufacturer of proprietary wieners for others, offers The Best Biggest Wiener in Chicago, fourteen inches, sheathed in a natural casing. They partnered with Bum-Bun bakery, which made buns to stick the wieners in. You can order both by the dozen for pick-up at their factory store.

Beanie Weenies, the smallest hot dog stand in Chicago, offers the ten-inch Lori Hot Dong on a sesame seed bun, dragged through the garden. The sandwich comes with a side of their famous baked beans .

Hinky Dinks, an Irish restaurant, and bar, offers a longer version of their Irish breakfast sausages, Lori’s Biggest Bangers. They are only sold at breakfast with toast or the full Irish breakfast. They will not be sold on Sundays.

Jilly’s Best Beef offers the Biggest Lori Combo, their famous Italian beef sandwich with a footlong house-made Italian sausage nestled in their artisan bread, topped with sweet and hot. It is only sold dipped.

Tommy Salami, Chicago’s Salami King, created specially shaped large hard salamis. They are hanging prominently in his store.

Simco’s Hungarian Deli created a nine-inch smoked paprika sausage called the Long Dong Lori. It is available while quantities last.

Schwanz Sausage Shop and Deli offers a unique selection of smoked and cured sausages in various lengths and shapes, all sheathed in natural casings called  Licht Fuß. Being up to the challenge, they will give you bragging rights to own the biggest sausage in Chicago, hard or semi-soft in their natural casings. Call to order in the length you desire. There is a two-week wait.

As late spring through early fall brings street fests, one of the corn dog producers will be providing a foot-long dog on a stick. It is called Lori’s Biggest Stick. Festival vendors already have orders in. It comes with a dipping sauce.

A few delis and sausage makers are partnering to build a sausage-shaped food truck, the biggest Sausagemobile in the country, to put Chicago on the map. They plan to sell the biggest wieners and sausages in Chicago. All sausage sandwiches will be named after Chicago politicians, with Lori Lightfoot having the biggest sausage. Their first planned stop will be outside City Hall.

Lori Lightfoot’s size boast drove a spate of creativity in our food creatives to make size matter. So get out there, Chicago, and stuff your maw with big sausages, wieners, and other tubular delights, gag reflex be damned.

Ya gotta have a sense of humor to survive in Chicago, with all the politicians and others sticking it to us and wet their big, bigger, or biggest d**ks.

Her name is Nyzireya Moore. She is dead. She was twelve years old. She was shot in the head on Tuesday while sitting in the passenger seat of a car. Three men were firing guns at another car, the Chicago Spray and Pray Way. Nyzireya Moore is another innocent child victim of Chicago’s unrelenting violence.

While Mayor Lightfoot brags about the size of her d**k, no one is speaking for the dead. Nyzireya Moore will be one more forgotten child murdered on Chicago’s streets. Lightfoot paralyzed the Chicago Police Department. Kim Foxx is a joke as a prosecutor. Chicago Machine Boss Toni Preckwinkle’s “progressive” policies literally kill people. Preckwinkle and Foxx care more about the welfare of criminals and their families than the lives of children or the general public.

Lightfoot and Foxx are masters of emotional oration, defending themselves against critics. They put award-winning thespians to shame. Yet, not once have they displayed emotion over the murder of innocent children. Not once have they shed a tear over the murder of children.

The citizens of this city are mute too. There should be constant mass protests demanding change. All we hear about is guns, inanimate objects, killing people. Humans are not responsible or held accountable. There are other inanimate “objects” killing people in Chicago. The misguided, ill-informed, and ridiculous policies implemented, executed, doubled, and tripled down by Lightfoot, Preckwinkle, and Foxx. They celebrate their failures as successes.

Even mediocre leaders know you change course when things do not work. The grand experiment failed. The proof is in the death toll.

The news media, AKA the City Hall/County Building PR Firm, is also culpable. They are failing us by their silence over the violence. They keep hyping the failures of our politicians. They tout themselves as watchdogs. Watchdogs are supposed to bark and bite. Chicago news media are toy lap dogs, begging for treats, ear scratches, and belly rubs. It is disgraceful.

Chicago is a city of scoundrels. They are in City Hall, the County Building, the Editorial Boards, and the general population. The silence over murders and other violent crimes in this city is deafening.

While people in this city are rightfully protesting the Russian atrocity in Ukraine and showing their solidarity, they are deathly silent on the daily atrocities terrorizing all our neighborhoods. They are silent on the death of children. They have no solidarity with each other. Lives do not matter in Chicago.

No one cares about murder and violence until it happens to them or a member of their family. Murder and violence are like oxygen. No one discusses or cares about oxygen until someone’s hands are squeezing their throat.

If you want to see what is driving violence in this city, just look in the mirror. Your silence on murders, especially child murders, is consent on steroids.

So good fellow citizens, stay silent and keep consenting to murder. But please do one thing for yourselves. Pray you or your children are not murder victims. Pray that you or your family members are not murder victims. Remember, it is not a crime if it does not happen to you or yours.

“You make some kind of secret agreement with Italians. … You are out there stroking your d—- over the Columbus statue, I am trying to keep Chicago police officers from being shot and you are trying to get them shot,” Lightfoot said, according to the complaint. “My d— is bigger than yours and the Italians, I have the biggest d— in Chicago.” (Mayor Lori Lightfoot/Chicago Tribune)

Chicago mayors are known for their colorful, quotable language. In the long list of mayoral quotes, Mayor Lori Lightfoot tops them all. Past Chicago mayors never bragged about the size of their d**ks. Lightfoot’s comment begs the question, are her balls as big as the bat?

This will go down as the best quote from a Chicago mayor. She sounds like a gangster. The original OG Mayor.

She went full OG on a Chicago Park District lawyer who is now filing a lawsuit against her. The conversation was over allowing Italian Americans to use a Christopher Columbus statue in a Columbus Day Parade and negotiations for keeping one of the statues in a near-west side park.

If you substitute Blacks or Hispanics for Italians, there would be howls and protests, maybe even a fresh round of rioting. Lightfoot sounds like the government tapes that recorded the late crime boss, John Gotti. Will she now imitate Italians by grabbing her crotch, saying, “I got your ____ right here!”

Since da mahr went full OG, she needs a theme song. Maybe one of our local rappers can come up with the “Theme from the Godmother” with some symphonic touches. How about an artist doing a Godmother picture ala The Godfather, with Lightfoot sitting behind a desk, stroking a cat? The best cat in Chicago.

I heard a lot of d**k jokes and size claims during my life. I never heard an elected official make those jokes or comparisons. I heard a lot of ridiculous or even scandalous things elected officials said. None of them mentioned genitalia.

Lightfoot’s claims about her caring for police officers getting shot are bogus. Lightfoot does not care about Chicago Police Officers. She threw Chicago Police Officers under the bus early in her administration. The bus ran over them when Lightfoot hired David “Tex” Brown as Superintendent of Police. She continues to run them over forward and backward.

The city is out of control. Criminals rule the streets. Lightfoot insults Italians. Who is next? The Poles, Irish, Asians, Hispanics, Jews, or other ethnic groups? Not even Rahm Emanuel, known for his creative vulgarity, would get caught in a contest over who has a bigger d**k or the biggest d**k in Chicago.

Lightfoot responded to the allegation claiming she holds no animus toward the Italian community. Yet, Italian men are looking down, wondering how a female Black gay mayor could claim to have a bigger d**k than them. Other men from various ethnicities and races are doing the same, wondering how she could have the biggest d**k in Chicago. Even some of the male aldermen are looking down and wondering.

Hey, John Kass, we have the March Moutza, Lori Lightfoot, with her bigger and biggest d**k in Chicago. You just cannot make this stuff up.

Today is the anniversary of Chicago’s incorporation as a city in 1837. In honor of this day, I am republishing this piece.

Ode to the Voice of Chicago.

Congenital mutant muppets who come to Chicago from someplace else, speaking the King’s English, think and posit the Chicago accent is the worst in the country. They forget we kicked the King’s ass out of America and his oh-so-proper Brit Twit language.

The Chicago accent is a voice.

It is a strong voice.

It is a proud voice.

It is the voice of all the immigrants and races who settled here.

It is the voice of the neighborhoods.

It is the voice of the streets, sidewalks, streets, stoops, playgrounds, athletic fields, and stadiums.

It is the voice of the cigar chompers.

It is the voice of the factory workers.

It is the voice of the blue-collar workers, laborers, ditch diggers, hod carriers, and other tradespeople.

It is the voice of the cops, firefighters, and paramedics.

It is the voice of the neighborhood saloon, bar, pub, tavern.

It is the voice of shot and beer drinkers.

It is the voice of mayors and aldermen.

It is the voice of the people working hard to survive.

It is the voice of the steel mills.

It is the voice of the small grocers, bakers, hot dog vendors, deli owners, and butchers.

It is the voice of the afternoon and midnight shifts.

It is the voice of the cab driver.

It is the voice of the smelt fishermen.

It is the voice of the bleacher bums.

It is the voice of sixteen-inch softball players.

It is the voice of the horseshoe pits.

It is the voice of our grandfathers and fathers.

It is the voice of the horseplayers, craps players, poker players, and other gamblers.

It is the voice of people with callouses on their hands and dirt under their nails.

It is the voice of the tired, who toil to earn a meager living.

It is the voice celebrated in Chicago literature by Nelson Algren, James T. Farrell, and Saul Bellow.

It is the voice of artists and musicians.

It is the voice of professionals who grew up in this city.

It is the voice of the voiceless.

It is the immigrant voice- “The door open please, so out go I.”

The Chicago accent is not just one voice.

It is the voice of many.

It is a chorus, rich and melodic.

It is Chicaga, the frunch room, the stoop, cuz, da, dees, dem, doz, dat, dere, udder.

It is words like wanna, hafta, woncha, gotta, gonna, outta.

It is ged, goin, gimme, didja, couldya wouldja, canya, tellya, sez, and scrooten.

It is aks, gid, and wit.

It is teefs, hoors, yoots.

It adds an s to the pronouns and titles like yous, Field’s, and Jewel’s.

It is the sout side and nort side or souf side and norf side.

It is da old neighborhood.

There are goofs, mooks, mamelukes, chumbalones, jamokes, and Mickey da Mopes.

There are sanguiches, samiches, and strimps.

It is pop, not soda.

It is the icebox, not the refrigerator.

It is the voice of dat guy. You know dat guy. Not dat guy, the udder guy, da guy dat does doz tings. Da guy who never has to be aksed to do sumptin for udder people.

The Chicago voice is us.

Thou shalt not insult the voice of the people of Chicago. Do so at your peril. Our voices will rise against ya. We will strike back atcha cuz dat’s what we gotta do.

By the way, Chicago dialect is the voice of a Columbia-educated Harvard Law School graduate who became a United States president, Barrack Obama.

Case fucking closed.

Now, we suddenly seeing a dozen or more
Sailing in the clear blue sky
The time has come when pigs fly
Yeah, it’s a beautiful thing
                                           When pigs fly (Michael Ford / Sandra Boynton)

An adynaton is a way of expressing something that will never happen. There are exceptions to everything. And two of the most common adynatons occurred on the same day. Pigs flew. Hell froze over.

Democratic warlord and ruler Mike “the Crypt Keeper” Madigan was indicted by the Feds with  22 counts of alleged crimes. The indictment alleges Madigan participated in an array of bribery and extortion schemes from 2011 to 2019 aimed at using the power of his office for personal gain.

“In his written statement Wednesday, Madigan said he never engaged in any criminal activity and that prosecutors were “attempting to criminalize” legal political actions such as job recommendations.” (Chicago Tribune)

Does Madigan’s statement sound familiar? Former governor and ex-felon Rod Blagojevich used the same defense when indicted and convicted for similar offenses. Blagojevich received a 14-year prison. Blago served 8 years until his sentence was commuted by former President Donald Trump.

Until his resignation last year, Madigan held office in Springfield since 1971. He was also the longest-serving Speaker of a legislature in the nation. Madigan was the most powerful politician in Illinois. He was the de facto governor. It made no difference which party held the governorship. Madigan ruled Illinois, his congressional district, and the 13^th Ward with a “velvet hammer.”

Mike Madigan was described as the “Khan of Madiganistan” by columnist John Kass. A khan is a ruler who either, through power or threats, makes alliances with others or ruthlessly destroys them to become the omnipotent leader.

It appears Mike Madigan committed a political mortal sin. He violated the 11^th Commandment, “Thou shalt not get caught.” Madigan is now in the same position as another long-time powerful Chicago politician, Alderman Ed “the Big Tuna” Burke. If convicted and sentenced, they could be cellmates in federal prison. They could compare notes on how they vanquished their enemies or about the schemes and shenanigans they committed to hold power and enrich themselves

It used to be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for an ultra-powerful Illinois or Chicago politician to enter the kingdom of the Feds. Now, two of the most powerful await their fate.

Except for his family and some of his subjects, no one is shedding any tears over Madigan’s indictment. There is no empathy or sympathy. For many in Chicago and Illinois, the feeling is it took too long to nail him. There is only a sigh of relief. Finally, we are free of Madigan’s merciless cold iron death grip.

The mighty khan fell. Madigan’s throne crumbled. His fiefdom, Madiganistan, is in ashes. He is just another geezer awaiting his fate.

For the ill-informed, the Holy Feds do not seek indicts of people like Madigan or Burke unless they know there is a higher than 50% chance they will prevail at trial. If the stories about the investigations into Madigan and Burke are accurate, including wiretaps and cooperators, the Feds have way more than they need.

The Terrible Twins are toast. It is better to stick to the smaller stuff in corrupt Chicago politics. The saying is, “Pigs get fat. Hogs get slaughtered.” Madigan will get slaughtered then roasted over the slow spit of a federal trial. Instead of the stench of corruption, there will be the aroma of low and slow cooking porcine.

MARCH 
I Martius am!  Once first, and now the third!
  To lead the Year was my appointed place;
A mortal dispossessed me by a word,
  And set there Janus with the double face.
Hence I make war on all the human race;
  I shake the cities with my hurricanes;
I flood the rivers and their banks efface,
  And drown the farms and hamlets with my rains. (Poet’s Calendar/Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

March is named for Mars, the Roman God of war. It is the month spring begins.

Military campaigns resumed in March. On March 1^st, we witnessed the Ukraine Spring, a nation rising to fight and die for its independence and freedom against Russia.

Russia is making an unprovoked war on Ukraine. Russia is shaking cities with her bombs missiles. Russia is flooding Ukraine with her tanks and artillery. Russia is trying to drown Ukraine by raining unconscionable terror in Ukraine.

The situation in Ukraine is heartbreaking. Civilians are arming themselves and fighting for their freedom. Over 600,000 people fled the country. Children say goodbye to their fathers, not knowing if they will see them again. The Ukrainian people are fighting and dying to stay free.

Watching this horror unfold over the past few days, witnessing the bravery of ordinary citizens willing to die for their freedom, I cannot believe that freedumb lovers in this country fought COVID mandates, masks, and vaccinations for two years. I can’t believe that freedumb loving elected officials fought so hard against common-sense precautions. As WC Fields said, “Common sense, the sense horses have that keeps them from betting on humans.” Freedumb lovers have no common sense. They have no sense at all.

Those same freedumb lovers celebrate the end of the mandates, as COVID abates. They are claiming victory over their senselessness, ignorance, and foolishness.

If these people were in Ukraine, they would be cowering, some weeping while clinging to their firearms like Teddy Bears. Many would be running for their lives to seek freedumb instead of standing tall for freedom.

Less-ons (Lower than morons) fight for freedumb, a ridiculous battle against inconvenience. It is more important for freedumb lovers to be right than intelligent.

In Chicago, people are expressing solidarity with Ukraine. Hundreds showed up at a demonstration on Sunday in the Ukrainian Village neighborhood. People on social media post Ukrainian flags, express dismay, and share news pieces about the conflict.

These same people from all walks of life, races, and ethnicities are silent on Chicago’s bloodshed, violence, and terror. Hundreds do not show up anywhere to demonstrate their anger at our city and county governments endorsing and enabling terror.

Spring is Nigh. Warm weather is on the way. So is the yearly spring offensive by our violent criminals. There will be more bloodshed and terror on our streets. Like the past two years, little will be done to curb the terror or hold violent criminals accountable.

Criminals know there will be no mass resistance against their terrorism. They know they will be released back to the streets to commit more violence and terror. If you deface the Bean, you will be held on a high bond. Violent criminals are caught and released on low or no bail. Many are put on the failing electronic monitoring system.

Today is March 1^st, the start of Spring. Will Chicagoans suffer through another season of terror? Or, will they wake up from their apathetic somnolence to demand elected officials do their jobs to keep the public safe?

Or, will they sit back in apathy, fretting, showing outrage, and protesting about issues in other places? The unprovoked terrorism afflicting Ukraine is horrible. All we can do is condemn it. The terrorism in our city is awful. We can do something- act out and act up to curb it.

The choice is yours. Sit on your couch or at your desk kvetch about Ukraine or other issues in the country or world. Or,  get up off your lazy, apathetic asses and do something about the terror here in Chicago.

Ukrainians are fighting for their lives and their freedom. Will Chicago fight for their safety?

What will you do?

Help Wanted: Due to a shortage of workers, our famed circus is hiring clowns. Since so many went or are going into politics, we desperately need new talent. Like politics, no experience or intellectual ability is necessary. (The Effing Circus Troupe)

I received an email from a reader asking why do I “hate” politicians. I do not hate people (With a few exceptions). Hatred infers evil malevolence.

I despise politicians for what they do and, worse, neglect to do, or refuse to do. I believe in getting value for money. Since my tax dollars pay their salaries, I want them to do their jobs. They are servants and peons. They deserve to be treated as such, with our boots on their necks. Instead, they have their boots on our necks. They treat us like serfs and peons, and we let them.

 Politicians do things arse backward. They are always looking for solutions to create problems for them. When they are not doing that, they do very little., except talk They talk a big game, starting culture and societal wars to show they are down with whatever causes are the flavor of the month. They toss out red meat for the ignorant voters in this nation of uneducated, backwoods, bark chewing, peckerheads. They make you believe they are of the people when nothing is further from the truth.

The situation in Ukraine is a perfect example. Politicians, here and abroad, did little to stop Putin from invading. All they did was talk a good game. Talk, talk, talk- they call it diplomacy. They danced with Putin until he invaded. Then, they danced around him. They did not realize while they thought they were dancing with a clumsy bear, Putin was en pointe and performing jetes and plies all around them.

World politicians, including our own, did nothing when Putin annexed Crimea, except speechify. Talk, talk, and more talk- that good ole down home diplomacy. Their oral skills put prostitutes to shame.

When Putin sends his assassins to other countries to murder dissidents, the politicians do nothing except have circle-jerk gabfests. They, including ours, will not provoke this new Hitler. We are supposed to study history, so it does not repeat itself. Well, Putin has been repeating history. He dusted off Hitler’s playbook and put it into motion.

Like when Hitler invaded Poland, the world politicians are talking instead of doing. No one came to rescue Poland in 1939. Polish cavalry fought German tanks on horseback.

Politicians trying to save Ukraine are a day late and a dollar short. They should have been sending arms and materiel when Putin was just making threats. International political cowardice was on display, including in the United States.

Suppose Putin decided we robbed Russia when we purchased Alaska. What if he claimed it was still part of Mother Russia and threatened to take it back. All the international politicians, including our homegrown potato heads, would gossip like proverbial women at the well. They would flap their soup coolers until he invaded the islands around the state to set up bases of operation before invading the mainland. Then, they would still yakety-yak until and while he invaded the mainland. Blowing steam. Sarah Palin would be able to see Russia in her front yard.

Here in Chicago, our politicians mastered the art of talkative idleness. They are part-time employees, by definition. They receive six-figure salaries with Rolls Royce perks and benefits. They do little for what we pay them, except gab. The same holds for our useless Cook County elected officials. The only hard work politicians do is continually campaign and fundraise. Some do toil long and hard, stealing from the cookie jar. No one will rescue Chicago.

So, yeah, I despise politicians. I am an equal opportunity despiser in this age of equity and wokism. I despise Democrats, Republicans, Conservatives, Liberals, Progressives, and extremists on both ends of the political spectrum. I despise them, their platforms, idiotologies, and the voters who worship their idiotlogies with cult-like ardor.

To be truthful, I would rather see clowns and comedians run for public office. At least they can entertain us, earning the salaries we pay them for doing nothing else.

A former comedian is the leader of Ukraine, and he is doing one hell of a job.

On this day, in 1978, I walked into the Chicago Police Academy, beginning a career that would change my life. Policing is an identity profession like lawyers, doctors, nurses, etc. Even today after almost fifteen years of retirement, I still consider myself a police officer.

After six months of the academy, I hit the street on a hot, muggy summer day. I was sent to the 010 District which was composed of the Lawndale/Little Village/Heart of Chicago neighborhoods. I spent another six months learning the ropes and how to survive the streets in one of the busiest and most dangerous areas of the city. Every day was an adventure, sometimes hair raising, occasionally humorous.

I spent over nine years in that district. I worked a few years in the adjacent district until I went to Forensics. Between being in Patrol and Forensics, I saw it all. The good, bad, and the ugly. I witnessed the evil cruelty humans inflict on each other, things I would not wish on my worst enemies (With some exceptions). If it did not suck, we did not do it, and we did it all. The list of things we did every day was long and never-ending. There are not enough racks for all the hats we wore.

I learned something new almost every day. When you think you know everything, you are wrong. Knowledge is power. Police officers cannot afford to be weak. Complacency is the worst enemy of emergency responders. Complacency can get you in trouble, injured, or killed. Complacency is being too big for your britches, or as my departed father would say, farting higher than your ass.

I met all kinds of people. Honest and corrupt politicians, Chicago Outfit members, members of Chicago’s sports teams, a few celebrities before they became famous, and others from all walks of life.

I arrested Moses, Mahalia Jackson, and Jesus. Those were the names they gave and were born with. I almost shot and killed Moses. There were a lot of people named Jesus- black and Hispanic. Not one claimed to be my personal savior.

I earned the equivalent of a PhD. in Applied Psychology. When dealing with the public, you need to be creative and glib of tongue. You can never tell them there is nothing you can do. So, you think fast, improvise, adapt, overcome, and go on to the next assignment. Sometimes people are angry at you for the bad decisions they made. You must convince them of the errors of their ways.

I witnessed the social and personal destruction multigenerational poverty had on people. I saw how gangs and drugs devastated communities. I saw more dead bodies than anyone should ever see. I witnessed the grief and sorrow of the victim’s families. I witnessed other horrible crimes against the most vulnerable in society. Children, the elderly, young people, and those considered at-risk people.

There is a saying that is apt and applies to cops, firefighters, and EMTs- “My mind never forgets what my eyes have seen.” (Attributed to Dave Parnell/Detroit FD) Every now and again, I relive some of the horrible things I witnessed. I consider it a reminder that all the s**t talking about Chicago values and morals is a load of horse manure.

When I read about some horrific crime, I never ask how could this happen. I already know. Evil walks among us. If I wrote a book, there would be chapters cut out. They would not be fit for adult human consumption.

I will always love my extended police family, my brother, sisters, and now sons, daughters, and grandchildren, who wear the uniform. I will never forget the sacrifices we made, and they make every single day. I will never ever forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice, whose lives were taken. Never ever is a long, long f**king time.

I was proud to serve. I have no regrets. All good things must come to an end. One day I was getting ready to leave for work. I went to kiss my daughter goodnight. As I walked out of the room, she said, “I love you, dad.” I knew then the end was near. I retired almost fifteen years ago. As we cops say, “I don’t miss the circus. I miss the clowns.”