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Tag: pumpkin spice

Fall is here

Image: PV Bella

It is official, Autumn arrived. The temperatures quickly dropped from ninety to fifty-five degrees like it saw a state trooper. Fall also brings some horrible seasonal specialties, like pumpkin spice. Drooling dipshits, wait in long lines for the first pumpkin spiced drinks. 

That chain coffee shop, Spewfucks, or something like that, introduced pumpkin spice drinks years ago. Their devoted fans can never get enough. If they could get the raw product, they would be using it like meth addicts. Pumpkin spice is everywhere, even in beer and liquors. There is only one place for pumpkin spice, in pumpkin pies.

As September moves into October, another horrible treat becomes popular., Candy Corn. This is one of the most disgusting candies ever made. Yet, people are raving fans of it. The cruelest ones give it out to children on Halloween. Chicken Feed was the original name of this horrid product. Chickens are smarter than humans. They would not eat this crap.

Halloween costumes should be in the stores by now. Social media will erupt with the Instagram and Pintrest crafters who make their own. We will be plagued by photos and videos of some of the ugliest costumes that trendoids think are the latest Halloween fashion challenge.

People will decorate their homes with pumpkins, corn stalks, and an assortment of witches, ghosts, goblins, skeletons, and other Halloween creatures. This will lead into Thanksgiving décor, with turkeys, pilgrims, more pumpkins and corn stalks. There will be inflatables on many front lawns. Some will start their Christmas decorations in October to get in the mood.

Stores will be ramping up for Christmas shopping. They start earlier every year. Soon, they will start after the Fourth of July. People are being encouraged to shop now due to supply chain shortages and ships idling at sea, with long waits to get into ports. Shop till you drop and make your home temporarily look like a hoarder lives there.

Fall is also the time to get in shape for the winter sport of snow shoveling. The leaves fall from the trees, necessitating the autumn exercise craze of raking and hauling. The sound of leaf blowers will be music to the ears of many, especially those who own those annoying devices.

We will be hauling out the warmer clothing, hoping it fits. There are long sleeves, sweaters, woolens, down, and other puffy coats, gloves, hats, and scarves. Most summer clothing will be packed away, except for a few items for those rare warm days. Winter coats will get washed or dry cleaned, as they were not before being stored. Boots will replace sandals, and we will no longer be tormented by ugly feet and toes.

Our eating habits will change. Comfort foods like roast chicken, meatloaf, stews, soups, pot pies, and other heartier meals will be the norm. We will stay home as the weather turns cold and more of us will cook. That is a positive thing.

The skies will get grayer, and so will our moods. Every sunny day will bring joy, no matter how cold it gets.

Fall is my favorite season. My only wish is for pumpkin spice and Candy Corn to disappear, along with the people who promote them and the people who imbibe them. Maybe there is another city we can deport them and their purveyors to.

The Age of Ignorance and Pumpkin Spice

By Stephen Witherden – Pumpkin Pie Spice, CC BY 2.0,

From the time I was a small boy until my early teen years, my sainted mother always told me to never talk to strangers. It was the only good advice I remember her giving. It is the reason I am anti-social. The Chicago Police Department paid me to talk to strangers, even stranger danger. My attitude is, if a stranger wants to talk to me, they can pay me, buy me a drink, or a meal.

Like most sane, intelligent people (Cough, cough), I spent a lot of time alone during the COVID pandemic. Most of the time, I did not feel lonely. I stayed in my own bubble, fishbowl, or whatever you want to call it when I ventured out. I was happy in my cantankerous solitude.

During the lockdown, I took daily long walks, weather permitting. During the coldest winter days, I spent way too much time on the Internet or streaming videos. If it wasn’t for my phone, I would have been an ideal hermit. I could have emerged as a wandering shouting preacher of the coming rapture. Just look what is going around in this nation of dips**ts.

When things loosened up, everyone wanted to be a social butterfly. People wanted to chat about everything. What’s your name, what do you do, where do you live, are you married. single, divorced, gay, why are you here every day, on and on with questions. It is like the pandemic bred and trained a host of FBI interrogators. I started asking people for their credentials and if they were wearing a wire.

I had a lot of time to think, which in my case, is a dangerous proposition. Most of the news was terrible. I followed the Greatest Show on Earth, the circus in Washington. I kept a close eye on the comedy show in Chicago and Springfield. I concluded that politics is a s**t show, and the politicians are full of it. From the White House to the outhouse, it is all cazzate*.

Spending time on the Internet, I realized, social media is inhabited by angry, angsty teenagers from all age groups. Some middle-aged and older people make teenagers look happy. I found out a good portion of my city and the nation is inhabited and run by some of the dumbest best-educated people in the world.

From the anti-maskers, anti-vaxxers, anti-child vaxxers to those promoting a livestock dewormer to cure and prevent COVID. They will not get vaccinated to prevent the disease, but they will take Ivermectin to prevent COVID. It is Logic -100.

Since Fall is upon us, if I were a social media influencer, I would be a full-blown anti-vaxxer. I would promote pumpkin spice as a preventative and cure for COVID. People would be lining up to gulp, snort, or inject that crap. Ivy League-educated politicians from Bubbaland would be mandating it.

Pumpkin spice is readily available and does nothing to take away freedumb. The more the FDA or CDC condemned pumpkin spice, the more people would want it. They would trade everything, including sex, to get it. The drug cartels would start making and exporting it.

People ask me why I am so angry. I am not mad. Anger implies I have the power or control to change things. If I did, we would live in a fairytale world where unicorns run free, and there would be pumpkin spice for everyone.

I am more disappointed than angry. The only people who are trying to make a difference in this country do so in relative anonymity. They do what is morally required, feed and clothe the poor, take care of children, give hope to the hopeless, and love to the unloved. Politicians are useless. They are all talk and no action. They tout values and morals they do not have or believe in.

I have voted in elections for fifty years. From the local level to the federal level, every politician promised to change things to make our lives better. They changed nothing, did nothing, and continue to do nothing. There is no such thing as a good politician.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get to the stores and on the Internet to stock up and horde pumpkin spice. It will be my road to massive wealth. Pumpkin spice will rival cryptocurrency, and I want to be in on the basement floor.

*Bulls**t in Italian

Time Flies

Image: PV Bella

And just like that, summer is almost over. In a few weeks, autumn will be upon us. This summer blew by like a derecho.  I remember the first day of summer like it was yesterday. Labor Day, the harbinger of Autumn, is right around the corner.

Speaking of Labor Day. It is a day we usually recognize Organized Labor. This year we should expand the celebration to honor all the essential workers who risked their health to keep the rest of us going during the COVID pandemic. Medical professionals and personnel should be singled out for special praise for their heroic round-the-clock labors.

School started Monday. Parents are relieved their children will be out of the house yet concerned that schools may cause further spread of COVID. Their fears are not unfounded since CPS and CTU complicated the return with their petty bickering. No one knows how safe the precautions are.

Football season is nigh, though the Bears are not near and dear to my heart due to the terrible management by the bumbling McCaskey Family. Baseball season will continue until the boys of summer become the boys of fall. The Cubs are being flushed down the toilet. Sunday’s 13-1 loss to the Sox was an embarrassment. The Sox are going into the post-season. Maybe Chicago will see another World Series.

Fall is the time of year when the multi-ingredient coffee aficionados start adding f**cking pumpkin spice to their concoctions. Pumpkin spice will be everywhere and in everything. The stuff is fake, synthetic. It was developed in a lab, not a kitchen. It tastes horrible, but stupid lemmings have no taste. If someone told them they could get high on pumpkin spice, they would snort or shoot it. Someone in Bubbaland will promote pumpkin spice to prevent or cure COVTD. At least it is safer than horse dewormer.

The willingly unvaccinated in Chicago are helping drive up the COVID numbers. Mask wearing, social distancing, and stay the f**k away from me are my mantras again. It could be a long fall and winter if the cases keep rising.

Luckily our elected officials and most of the citizens in Chicago are not freedumb lovers. We do not see the dramatic rise in numbers like parts of Illinois, the South, and Southwest portions of the country.

Handling COVID is the only positive thing Chicago politicians and bureaucrats did during this summer of violence, incompetence, stumbling, and bumbling. The mayor is out of touch, the city council is useless, and parts of the city are turning into third-world type war zones, especially at night.

The leaves will start changing colors, then dropping off. The weather will cool down, and when all is baren, we will prepare for winter. COVID is not going away, and with the fall comes flu season. It is a pity our politicians and public health officials must beg people to get vaccinated. Maybe they could promise people a pumpkin spice non-dairy soy vegan mocha decaf latte made with socially conscious sustainable beans if they get jabbed.

Yeah, winter is coming too. I m hoping the days and weeks slow down. Summer blew by way too fast. I want to enjoy a long mild fall before the blast of winter drives us indoors.