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Month: February 2022

Help Wanted Rescue Us From Ourselves

Image: PV Bella

Help Wanted: Due to a shortage of workers, our famed circus is hiring clowns. Since so many went or are going into politics, we desperately need new talent. Like politics, no experience or intellectual ability is necessary. (The Effing Circus Troupe)

I received an email from a reader asking why do I “hate” politicians. I do not hate people (With a few exceptions). Hatred infers evil malevolence.

I despise politicians for what they do and, worse, neglect to do, or refuse to do. I believe in getting value for money. Since my tax dollars pay their salaries, I want them to do their jobs. They are servants and peons. They deserve to be treated as such, with our boots on their necks. Instead, they have their boots on our necks. They treat us like serfs and peons, and we let them.

 Politicians do things arse backward. They are always looking for solutions to create problems for them. When they are not doing that, they do very little., except talk They talk a big game, starting culture and societal wars to show they are down with whatever causes are the flavor of the month. They toss out red meat for the ignorant voters in this nation of uneducated, backwoods, bark chewing, peckerheads. They make you believe they are of the people when nothing is further from the truth.

Image courtesy of the Geriatric Genius

The situation in Ukraine is a perfect example. Politicians, here and abroad, did little to stop Putin from invading. All they did was talk a good game. Talk, talk, talk- they call it diplomacy. They danced with Putin until he invaded. Then, they danced around him. They did not realize while they thought they were dancing with a clumsy bear, Putin was en pointe and performing jetes and plies all around them.

World politicians, including our own, did nothing when Putin annexed Crimea, except speechify. Talk, talk, and more talk- that good ole down home diplomacy. Their oral skills put prostitutes to shame.

When Putin sends his assassins to other countries to murder dissidents, the politicians do nothing except have circle-jerk gabfests. They, including ours, will not provoke this new Hitler. We are supposed to study history, so it does not repeat itself. Well, Putin has been repeating history. He dusted off Hitler’s playbook and put it into motion.

Like when Hitler invaded Poland, the world politicians are talking instead of doing. No one came to rescue Poland in 1939. Polish cavalry fought German tanks on horseback.

Politicians trying to save Ukraine are a day late and a dollar short. They should have been sending arms and materiel when Putin was just making threats. International political cowardice was on display, including in the United States.

Suppose Putin decided we robbed Russia when we purchased Alaska. What if he claimed it was still part of Mother Russia and threatened to take it back. All the international politicians, including our homegrown potato heads, would gossip like proverbial women at the well. They would flap their soup coolers until he invaded the islands around the state to set up bases of operation before invading the mainland. Then, they would still yakety-yak until and while he invaded the mainland. Blowing steam. Sarah Palin would be able to see Russia in her front yard.

Here in Chicago, our politicians mastered the art of talkative idleness. They are part-time employees, by definition. They receive six-figure salaries with Rolls Royce perks and benefits. They do little for what we pay them, except gab. The same holds for our useless Cook County elected officials. The only hard work politicians do is continually campaign and fundraise. Some do toil long and hard, stealing from the cookie jar. No one will rescue Chicago.

So, yeah, I despise politicians. I am an equal opportunity despiser in this age of equity and wokism. I despise Democrats, Republicans, Conservatives, Liberals, Progressives, and extremists on both ends of the political spectrum. I despise them, their platforms, idiotologies, and the voters who worship their idiotlogies with cult-like ardor.

To be truthful, I would rather see clowns and comedians run for public office. At least they can entertain us, earning the salaries we pay them for doing nothing else.

A former comedian is the leader of Ukraine, and he is doing one hell of a job.

We gave some some gave all

On this day, in 1978, I walked into the Chicago Police Academy, beginning a career that would change my life. Policing is an identity profession like lawyers, doctors, nurses, etc. Even today after almost fifteen years of retirement, I still consider myself a police officer.

After six months of the academy, I hit the street on a hot, muggy summer day. I was sent to the 010 District which was composed of the Lawndale/Little Village/Heart of Chicago neighborhoods. I spent another six months learning the ropes and how to survive the streets in one of the busiest and most dangerous areas of the city. Every day was an adventure, sometimes hair raising, occasionally humorous.

I spent over nine years in that district. I worked a few years in the adjacent district until I went to Forensics. Between being in Patrol and Forensics, I saw it all. The good, bad, and the ugly. I witnessed the evil cruelty humans inflict on each other, things I would not wish on my worst enemies (With some exceptions). If it did not suck, we did not do it, and we did it all. The list of things we did every day was long and never-ending. There are not enough racks for all the hats we wore.

I learned something new almost every day. When you think you know everything, you are wrong. Knowledge is power. Police officers cannot afford to be weak. Complacency is the worst enemy of emergency responders. Complacency can get you in trouble, injured, or killed. Complacency is being too big for your britches, or as my departed father would say, farting higher than your ass.

I met all kinds of people. Honest and corrupt politicians, Chicago Outfit members, members of Chicago’s sports teams, a few celebrities before they became famous, and others from all walks of life.

I arrested Moses, Mahalia Jackson, and Jesus. Those were the names they gave and were born with. I almost shot and killed Moses. There were a lot of people named Jesus- black and Hispanic. Not one claimed to be my personal savior.

I earned the equivalent of a PhD. in Applied Psychology. When dealing with the public, you need to be creative and glib of tongue. You can never tell them there is nothing you can do. So, you think fast, improvise, adapt, overcome, and go on to the next assignment. Sometimes people are angry at you for the bad decisions they made. You must convince them of the errors of their ways.

I witnessed the social and personal destruction multigenerational poverty had on people. I saw how gangs and drugs devastated communities. I saw more dead bodies than anyone should ever see. I witnessed the grief and sorrow of the victim’s families. I witnessed other horrible crimes against the most vulnerable in society. Children, the elderly, young people, and those considered at-risk people.

“My mind never forgets what my eyes have seen./Image: PV Bella

There is a saying that is apt and applies to cops, firefighters, and EMTs- “My mind never forgets what my eyes have seen.” (Attributed to Dave Parnell/Detroit FD) Every now and again, I relive some of the horrible things I witnessed. I consider it a reminder that all the s**t talking about Chicago values and morals is a load of horse manure.

When I read about some horrific crime, I never ask how could this happen. I already know. Evil walks among us. If I wrote a book, there would be chapters cut out. They would not be fit for adult human consumption.

I will always love my extended police family, my brother, sisters, and now sons, daughters, and grandchildren, who wear the uniform. I will never forget the sacrifices we made, and they make every single day. I will never ever forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice, whose lives were taken. Never ever is a long, long f**king time.

I was proud to serve. I have no regrets. All good things must come to an end. One day I was getting ready to leave for work. I went to kiss my daughter goodnight. As I walked out of the room, she said, “I love you, dad.” I knew then the end was near. I retired almost fifteen years ago. As we cops say, “I don’t miss the circus. I miss the clowns.”

The Chicago Way Awards

The Chicago Way Award

Mayor Lori Lightfoot gave an emotional and impassioned award-winning statement on the situation in Ukraine. She rarely gives passionate, emotional statements over the almost daily murders of innocent victims, especially children, in Chicago. She cares more about a country half a world away than her own city. Dead people no longer vote in Chicago. Why waste the art of rhetorical emotion and passion on them?

Lightfoot is a nominee for the Chicago Way Award (CWA) for Best Actress from the Chicago Way Academy of Arts and Sciences. The Chicago Way Award is the most prestigious political award in the nation. The Chicago Way Academy of Arts and Sciences was established in 1977. The award ceremony takes place in a location in the city known only to members of the Academy and the nominees. The ceremony’s location changes yearly. The event is a formal invitation-only gala.

Lightfoot is not alone in contention for the CWA, a gold statuette in the form of the middle finger. State’s Attorney Kim Foxx is a contender for the Best Actress Award. Her impassioned and emotional acts when accused of cheerfully and willingly failing to do her job are stunning performances. You could see the tears and hear the sobs from her fans, the Chicago news media.

Chief Judge Timothy Evans is in contention for the Best Comedy Award for his performances, especially for his hilarious joke about undeveloped brains in Chicago’s murders. It was one of the best jokes on this city.

Superintendent of Police David Brown is up for two awards. One for his portrayal as a s**t kicking cowboy gunslinger in the big city. The other for his comedic ability portraying an incompetent, bumbling, mumbling, and ineffectual police superintendent ala the famed Barney Fife. Disclaimer: No horses were injured during his portrayals.

In the Fantasy category, Toni Preckwinkle is the hands-down favorite for her portrayal as a puppeteer, the invisible hands pulling and manipulating the strings of the Chicago Way. She is also in contention for an award as a producer and director. She produced and directed the Punch and Judy style show, with Kim Foxx as Punch, punching down Judy, portrayed by Lori Lightfoot.

Alderman Ed Burke is in contention for the Best Drama Award for his portrayal in the Old Man and the Sea, vigorously fighting the elements to land the Big Tuna. Burke was also nominated for a Lifetime Achievement Award for his dramatic and comedic performances and his contributions to the Chicago Way craft over the decades.

The CWA after-parties are some of the most coveted invitations in the city. The most lavish and coveted is thrown by Gregoire Sorostov, an enigmatic oligarch and financier whose goal is to shape governments to the ideals of his Closed Society Foundation. Sorostov finances some of the local political campaigns in Chicago and Cook County. Those who took his bribes campaign donations are achieving his Closed Society ideals by implementing and executing them.

This year’s ceremony will be held on April 1st, in honor of the Chicago voters who support the Chicago Way, keeping Academy members employed.

Lightfoot’s lame blame game

These defendants hunted down and murdered Ahmaud Arbery simply because he was a Black man. Full stop.” (Lori Lightfoot/Chicago Mayor’s Office)

But on Tuesday, Lightfoot said she would not “sit idly by and watch the level of gang violence that we’ve seen and not do anything.” (WTTW)

Lori Lightfoot made sure the whole world knows what she thinks about an insignificant verdict in, wait for it, Georgia. Yet, she has been sitting “idly by,” doing nothing about the rampant violence in Chicago. Lightfoot blamed and even shamed the victims, guns, root causes, systemic institutional something or other for the violent crimes. She provides lame excuses for her lack of action.

Georgia is more important and a welcome distraction. She thinks something with national headlines will take people’s minds off her failures. Maybe she should move and run for mayor of Brunswick, Georgia since she cares more about what happens there than her own city.

When it comes to Chicago, the city she is the mayor of, Lightfoot plays the lame blame game. Everyone and everything is to blame except her cold-hearted, merciless, and pitiless apathy.

Lori!, Lori! Bo-bor-bori
Bo-na-na fanna For-ley

The Chicago City Council temporarily shot down her ridiculous asset forfeiture ordinance. An ordinance that would do nothing to mitigate the violence and murder in Chicago. She is ignorant of how illicit money “legally” moves in this city. The leaders of the super gangs laundered and invested their money years ago. They were buying income properties and other real estate. The families of the ones in prison are sitting pretty. What is the city going to get from the current crop of wannabes? A pair of expensive Air Jordans?

Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s priorities are non-existent. Public safety is not even on her radar. If it was, she would have sent the mercenary cowboy Superintendent of Police, David “Tex” Brown, packing and riding off back to Texas on his horse, taking all his horse s**t with him. Brown has nothing but excuses for his failures. The rank-and-file Chicago Police officers are demoralized, burned out, and angry. They are retiring or quitting at unsustainable rates. The city cannot hire recruits because no one wants a thankless, soul-crushing job.

In a sign of cowardice and fealty to Machine Boss Toni Preckwinkle, she made nice with State’s Attorney Kim Foxx, one of the elected officials driving the violence in Chicago. Lightfoot kissed the ring of Da Boss. A Boss who is treacherous and unforgiving. Da Boss still feels the sting of Lightfoot’s landslide victory over her. Da Boss was supposed to be Da Mayor. Da Boss is also one of the drivers of violence and murder in Chicago. It is her misguided policies based on pure ignorance. Da Boss and her Mini-Me Minion, Foxx, have the blood of all the murder victims on their hands.

It is incumbent upon us, as voters, to defeat Lori Lightfoot, Toni Preckwinkle, and Kim Foxx at the polls in the next election. Our very lives depend on it since there is no safe neighborhood in Chicago.

Lightfoot lied to us. She promised accountability and transparency. All she gave us was bloodshed, death, inculpability, and opacity. Foxx and Preckwinkle lie every time they flap their soup coolers.

As an aside, if any one of the 50 stooge aldercritters run for mayor, they should be defeated too. We need a mayor who cares about us. We are the people City Hall is supposed to keep safe. They are failing miserably.

Experts with no expertise

Image: PV Bella

I know how to do some things. I can change electrical outlets and switches. I can replace pipes under a sink and install faucets and showerheads. These do not make me an expert on the plumbing and electrician trades.

I know something about the criminal laws, as I was a police officer for almost 30 years. I am not trained as an attorney, do not practice, teach, or research legal issues. I am no expert on the law.

I am an art lover. I am not an expert on art or art history. I love history, especially Chicago history. I am not a historian.

Yet our gullible unlearned, ignorant news media, activists, legal organizations, and politicians believe, and worse, put their faith in so-called experts with no expertise on policing. They are academics or legal “scholars” who never wore the uniform, never interacted with the public, never made an arrest, never were shot at or shot. They were never in danger unless it was falling out of their chairs in their ivory towers, alleged crime labs, or bar stools in places where other experts with no expertise chill. They are experts with no, nada, zero credibility. Surprisingly, they are considered credible.

Stop and think about something. You never see academics and other “experts” claim plumbing, carpentry, electrician, sheet metal, or pipe fitting expertise. Why not? Why are there no experts with no expertise on truck drivers, merchant marine operations, hunting and fishing guides, beauticians and cosmetologists, janitors, wait staff, or any other career, trade, job, or profession? Yet, there are multiple experts on policing with not an iota of expertise.

We live in a nation that relies on experts with no expertise on every issue. No one, especially the news media, questions their experience or credibility. The letters at the end of their names are all the credibility they need. They toss XXXX-rated pornography out to their devout deviates- data and data analytics when asked about their expertise. The gullible get all lathered, wet, hot, and bothered. They pantingly believe everything the experts with no expertise claim is the truth. Even police leaders fall for the scam. Hey, who does not like XXXX-rated pornographic data and data analytics in their secret heart of hearts? Hell, it has the word anal in it, right?

These so-called experts are con men, scam artists, charlatans, and frauds. They do not know s**t from Shinola™, even when it is shown to them. They collectively are the Jerk.

I would love to debate these experts with no expertise on policy, tactics, and use of force. I would simply ask them how many domestic disturbances they handled, how many dead bodies have they seen or moved, or how many violent encounters have they been in. Were they ever shot at? Did they ever chase an armed offender on foot in the dark? Did they ever have to break up a bar fight or other large group fighting? How many car chases were they in? How many injured or murdered children did they encounter?

How many dead children did they see? How many times did they have to fight a person resisting arrest? How many victims of child abuse, incest, and child sexual abuse did they witness?

If their answer is to claim they do not need police experience because of data or data analytics, I will be ready. I will show them XXXX-rated porn with lots of anal, which is the same damn thing as their “expertise.”

Send in the Clowns

Image: PV Bella

It’s just your s**t talkin’
You’re telling me lies, yeah
S**t talkin’
You wear a disguise
S**t talkin’
So misunderstood, yeah
S**t talkin’
You really no good

(The BeeGeebus)

There are only two pure verbal art forms, stand-up comedy and political speaking. Both are also known as talking s**t. Talking s**t is its own genre. Politicians are masters, true masters of the genre. The best of the best are Chicago politicians. They are s**t talking wordsmiths par excellence. No one can match them. There is a long tradition of political s**t talking going back to Chicago’s incorporation as a city. Chicago is called the Windy City due to all the political s**t talking, and we know which end the wind blows from.

Chicago’s s**t talking politicians are charismatic, eccentric, outlandish, honestly corrupt, contentious, and pugnacious. Some padded their salaries with graft and inflated their egos by writing articles, books, or poetry.

I mean, if the following eloquent quotes do not denote a genre, I do not know what does:

“We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement.”

“A newspaper is the lowest thing there is.”

“Even the Lord had skeptical members of His party.”

“The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.”

“They have vilified me, they have crucified me; yes, they have even criticized me.”

“I enjoy getting things done. My philosophy is the edge, the edge of something. There’s where we have to go in local government, in not only the philosophy but the creativity in people around you. They have to go to the edge.”

“I worked for him. I raised money for him. What am I supposed to do, take my pants off?”

“I thought the health of people is very important. If a rat is on your sandwich, you hope to know it before. If a mouse is on your salad, it’s common sense.”

“Scrutiny? What else do you want? Do you want to take my shorts? Give me a break. How much scrutiny do you want to have? Go scrutinize yourself! I get scrutined every day, don’t worry, from each and every one of you. It doesn’t bother me.”

It’s silly! It’s silly, baldhead! He’s baldheaded – is that silly? No. Come on! It’s the silliest thing I ever heard! Next question!”

“I’ve said ‘cuckoo’ once. I’ll say it again. (chirping) Cuckoo!”

Those are just two politicians, father, and son, who served over forty years as mayors between them. It is not just mayors s**t talking. The current Aldermen, Cook County Board President, State’s Attorney, and Mayor talk s**t to keep getting reelected over and over again. Together, they could fertilize thousands of farm acres with all the s**t they spew.

Their s**t talking is job security. Gullible Chicagoans love to be entertained by the clowns they keep reelecting to office. They will believe anything and everything the politicians and their handmaidens, the Chicago news media, tell them. The citizens in this town are too dumb to realize they are being served daily s**t sandwiches by elected officials and the news media.

There really is no difference between Chicago politicians and stand-up comedians, except the comedians are entertaining and funny. Politicians talk s**t, remain popular, no matter how outlandish their s**t talking is, and keep getting elected. If you are not a practitioner of the s**t talking genre, your chances of holding office in Chicago are slim to none, and Slim left town.

I finally concluded that stand-up comedians would be better public servants than our current and wannabe politicians. Maybe we should look to the comedy clubs to find our next crop of leaders. We already know they talk s**t, but they will at least entertain us by making us laugh instead of breaking our hearts and wallets (Taxation is theft in Chicago).

Hey Chicago, send in the clowns!

Chicago lies are virtuous and deadly

Image: PV Bella

“If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.” (PJ O’Rourke)

I am a crotchety contrarian stark realist curmudgeon who finds tragedy in the truth and comedy in lies. I live in Chicago- a city of tragic comedy and humorous deadly lies. My problem is Chicago logic. All politicians are liars. All liars are not politicians. Politicians give liars a bad rap. Need proof? Chicago elections are supposed to be non-partisan- no party affiliation. Yet, Chicago politicians claim affiliation with Democratic Party. They are not non-partisan. They are liars. They pledge allegiance to their party platforms like brain dead Scientologists.

Politicians are very good at getting people to believe their lies. They are aided and abetted by the friendly local news media, who provide free public relations, hyping the lies. How else can they get elected and, worse, re-elected? Most of the voters are gullible or ignorant. They believe everything the politicians and news media tell them. They love Kool-Aid.

There is no such thing as an honest politician in Chicago. Naive uninformed voters are abundant.

As the ditty says- “Bulls**t, it makes the grass grow green. Horses**t, it does the same damn thing. Bulls**t or is it Horses**t or is it Bulls**t and Horses**t combined?”

I only care about local politics and policy. I live here. What happens here directly affects me. I keep up on national and international issues. Most do not directly impact me or my quality of life. For example, I really do not care about Ukraine’s problems with Russia. When Russia park their army and tanks on the border of Chicago, I will worry.

From where I sit in my bunker, Chicago is going to hell in a handbasket. Our mayor is more concerned with the Museum Campus, keeping the McCaskey Bears in Chicago, getting a casino in the city, and other sundry issues than she is about public safety.

We have a new familiar slogan too. Violent crime used to be blamed on guns, gangs, and drugs. Over and over during the Daley, Emanuel, and Lightfoot administrations, we heard guns, gangs, and drugs. Now, the slogan is guns, drugs, and poverty. And the pliant news media picks it up without questioning and drives the mayor’s narrative. The gullible, naïve voters believe it.

Guns are inanimate objects. So are drugs. Poverty is a condition. Committing crimes is a choice, a human choice. People are responsible for their choices. In Chicago, criminals are not held accountable for their crimes.

The causes of violent crime are humans. Humans using guns, humans in gangs, humans in the drug trade. Humans who have no humanity. Evil humans who have no regard for life. All these humans are not impoverished. They are just evil. They choose evil over good.

Governance and politics imply a submission to reality. In Chicago, crime-fighting devolved to submission to the unrealistic. Our politicians’ objective- criminal justice reform- failed miserably.

There are only two legal justice systems in this country, criminal and civil. Social justice, economic justice, environmental justice, and the rest are theoretical, academic, and political exercises in fantasy. They are also lucrative business plans for attorneys and activist organizations.

All these experts, activists, and elected officials (We can question if they are human) are supposedly intelligent, educated people. What if all these “brilliant” people are wrong? It is something to ponder since their reforms fail to keep us safe.

Crime is part of the human condition. The best we can do is control it- hence the term crime control. We no longer control crime in Chicago. Thanks to our elected officials and their failing policies, crime controls us- the new crime control.

What is it going to take for our elected officials to admit they made mistakes instead of doubling and tripling down on their ridiculous philosophies and beliefs about fake justice systems? They tout these philosophies and ideas with the zeal of evangelical preachers. They are backed by a choir of academic experts with no expertise except smoking green substances in their ivory towers.

PJ O’Rourke was right. “If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.” Government in Chicago should be banned as an illegal substance.

Chicago you suck

Image: PV Bella

“There is a crime here that goes beyond

denunciation. There is a sorrow here that

weeping cannot symbolize. There is a failure

here that topples all our successes. (John Steinbeck/The Grapes of Wrath)

Living in Chicago is difficult. Lately, everything sucks.

The weather ranges from lung-sucking summer heat and humidity to polar bone-chilling winter freezes with snow and ice thrown in for good measure. If the heat and humidity don’t incapacitate or kill you, shoveling snow or falling on the ice will. Some days the weather can change in a heartbeat. A pleasant warm sunny day turns into a miserable cold gray one when the temperature drops to freezing with wind chill factors.

The hawk is a predatory bird. Old school Chicagoans call the wind in Chicago the hawk. When the late fall and winter winds blow, they chill you to the bone, just like sensing the eerie presence of a predator.

The ice and snow melt when the weather warms for a day or two, creating small lakes on sidewalks. Then, they freeze over again, making things more treacherous. That beautiful snow? After a few days, the beauty fades, and it turns into filthy mounds sprinkled with yellow to give a sense of color.

The politics and politicians suck. If they are not proving their incompetence every day, they are being hauled off to the federal Gray Bar Hotel. There is another predatory bird in Chicago, the eagle, the Feds. The threat of their mere presence should chill people to the bone, like the hawk. However, our politicians have no feelings. They never feel the chill until the talons, cold steel handcuffs, are slapped on their wrists.

The whole city is now officially dangerous to live in. Not one of the 77 neighborhoods is safe. People take their lives and those of their children in their hands just by walking out their door. Public safety is an oxymoron in Chicago. Violent crime is legitimate, business as usual in this city.

The politicians are like the Care Bears™, banding together with the Care Bear Stare™, shooting love out of their tummies towards the criminals.

There is no love or concern for the victims, their families, or citizens who must live with grief, trauma, or fear. If there is criticism, the Care Bears™ morph into predatory growling mauling grizzly bears, ripping proverbial heads off with the paw claws. The politicians are cold, merciless, pitiless, and feral.

The people in this city suck the most. No decent civilized people would not only tolerate but accept the violence we do. We have a right to leave our homes without fear of being victimized by violent predators or being victims of collateral damage. Chicago is not a decent civilized city. The people are not human or humane.

Chicago sucks so bad it should be renamed Hooverville. People in this town are so naïve and gullible that they keep reelecting the same less-ons (Lower than morons) responsible for violent victimization. They believe the lies of the politicians and their PR weasels, the Chicago news media. Apathy is rife in this city of greenhorn ignorant fools.

The apathy, lack of concern for fellow citizens, cold, pitiless, merciless elected officials wallowing in the success of their failures, the naive gullibility of voters who keep reelecting these monsters “…is a crime here that goes beyond denunciation.”

Chicago is no longer the city of “Big Shoulders” or big hearts. It is a city as cold and hard as our skyline’s concrete, glass, and steel. The soul of Chicago is brittle. We are a people who do not care for one another. We are no longer our brother’s keeper. We keep to ourselves.

Be proud Chicago. You suck.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Image: PV Bella

“While men were watching professional football or drinking beer or bowling, they, the women, were thinking about us, concentrating, studying, deciding – whether to accept us, discard us, exchange us, kill us or whether simply to leave us. In the end it hardly mattered; no matter what they did, we ended up lonely and insane.” —Charles Bukowski

As you can tell from the above, I am one of those hopeless romantics, Mr. Lance Romance, with Cupid’s arrow sticking out of my arse cheek. Today is Valentine’s Day. A day of hearts, flowers, candy, gifts, and whatever. All romance, kissy face, teeth aching treacle sweetness.

In Chicago, we celebrate Valentine’s Day by killing men. We send the gift of lead.

On February 14, 1929, Chicago showed the world how to properly celebrate Valentine’s Day. The celebration was and still is, romanticized in film, history, and fiction. It was the day Chicago put the red in Valentine’s Day, making it the official color. Alphonse Capone is credited with creating the celebration. It made people see those lovey-dovey hearts in a whole new manner.

Image: Chicago Tribune

Rat-a-tat-tat kaboom became the official music of L-U-V on that cold, snowy February day. The whole world saw how Chicago celebrated Valentine’s Day in a whole new way. Somewhere in the world, the ritual is emulated daily.

Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday, also known as the Day of the Wusses. People watched the game from home or in bars, eating crappy food, drinking to excess, and cheering a bunch of overpaid no talented Ken Dolls trying to win a genteel game for gentle men. It makes the few real men left want to stick their fingers down their throats and puke shards of glass.

People bet on this phony game, winning, or losing, not realizing the whole thing is a major scam. They waste good money buying expensive paraphernalia- logos, jerseys, hats, what have you. All cheaply made crap for the dim wits who desperately believe football is legit. Con men, liars, scam artists, thieves, and politicians are more legit than “professional” football. Hell, even pro wrestling is more legit than the NFL.

The NFL is nothing but a well-oiled, smooth-running money-sucking machine. They suck bucks from all the rubes, bark chewers, and backwoods pecker heads, too many who are supposedly educated. They should change the name of the NFL to the NDFL, the National Dyson Foolsball League. I am so glad this game only happens once a year. The nation would be better off if football was banned and the league of con men disbanded.

So, today, people are hungover and sick from all the beer, booze, and crappy food they shoved down their maws watching Ken Dolls pretend to be tough guys. Too many rode the porcelain bus overnight. Now, this morning, they expect some romance and kissy-face with their chili, taco, brat, pizza, booze, vomit breath. Go figure.

So, Happy Valentine’s Day.

Complaints, contradictions, and wusses

Image: PV Bella

Chicago is a city of complainers, enforcers, contradictions, and wusses. Some of our illustrious aldermen do not like the litter of dibs preserving parking spaces people risked a death-dealing heart-a-stroke to dig out. They are sending out Streets and San to clear the “rubble.”

However, there is other rubble, litter, blight, and eyesores they refuse to remove. I am talking about those ugly white bicycles littering our neighborhoods. They are monuments to dead cyclists. They are up years after many were killed in traffic accidents. They are ugly monuments to nothing. Why not treat the white bikes as the same litter and blight as dibs? Either dibs stay or the bikes go too.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday when two groups of over-privileged wusses play a genteel championship football game- even though the ball is thrown and carried with hands and arms.

Wusses? Yeah, all football players are wusses, especially Super Bowl contenders. I come from an age when football players were rough and tumble tough. The defense mantra was “kill the quarterback.” The offensive and defensive linemen were awesome brutes. The teams played in the rain, the mud, the snow, and even sub-zero temperatures. They played through injuries.

Now, the sport is oh so genteel. It is being played by guys sipping tea from fine bone China who stick their pinkie fingers out discussing the fashion choices of the British royals. Quarterbacks are celebrities, not to be manhandled lest their pretty faces get bruised. They are nothing more than Ken dolls.

Super Bowls must be played in cities with warm climates, preferably in domed stadiums, so the players do not get their uniforms dirty or suffer from the elements. I long for the days of real football with guys named Butkus, Ditka, Karras, Nagurski, just to name a few. I loved watching the 1967 NFL Championship, called the Ice Bowl, played in Green Bay between the Packers and the Cowboys. The temperature was between 13-18 degrees below zero. The field was like a sheet of ice and rock hard.

So, I will not be watching the Ken dolls playing nice on the “gridiron.” I would rather watch the second coat of paint dry or spiders killing flies than watch a bunch of wusses pretending to be tough guy athletes. Hell, a senior citizen like me could play the game without fear of injury.

This brings us to Mayor Lightfoot versus the McCaskey Bears. The Bears lost the title of Monsters of the Midway shortly after winning the 1985 Super Bowl. They are the Louses of the Lakefront. The McCaskey’s who own, run, and rule the roost, are probably the most incompetent owners in the NFL. They are like noisy birds, cheap, cheap, cheap. They squeeze quarters so tight the eagle screams.

“We’re going to continue to do everything we can to keep the Bears in Chicago,” Lightfoot said on WSCR-AM 670. “We’re working on some plans to present to them that I think will make a very, very compelling financial case as to why it makes an abundance of sense for them to stay in Chicago.” (Chicago Tribune)

Good luck with that Lori.

The Bears want to relocate to Arlington Heights, a sleepy, leafy suburb. They tendered an offer to purchase the shuttered Arlington Park Racetrack property so the bears can play atop decades of horse manure, which is what the McCaskey’s are full of.

Mayor Lori Lightfoot does not care how many children are murdered in Chicago, how many people are carjacked, robbed, terrorized, or how thoroughly incompetent her police superintendent, Tex Brown, is.

Lightfoot finally found something to care deeply about. Do whatever it takes to keep the McCaskey Bears in Chicago. They are moving to that monument to horse manure in Arlington Heights. If she can’t keep the city safe, how is she going to keep the McCaskey’s here? It seems Lightfoot cannot do anything right.

As I wrote before, the Bears could have built a state-of-the-art domed stadium decades ago. There were plenty of huge tracts of vacant property, even along the riverfront. Most of those enormous tracts of land were gobbled up by developers to erect massive suburban-style insular apartment/condo communities. Oh, and they got generous TIF benefits for turning this city into a piss poor imitation of the burbs.

Hell, if the Bears had asked former Mayor Richard M. Daley, he would have bent over backward and tied himself in knots to accommodate the McCaskey’s with tiff money. There would be no scrootening or scrootenization. The McCaskey’s could have had whatever they wanted.

So, phuque the Bears, the McCaskey’s, and wussball. Let them go. Let the door slam them hard on the ass on their way out and knock them down the stairs. Let them build a lovely pink palace dollhouse for their overpaid untalented Ken dolls to play in. Adios, ciao, do widzenia, adieu, 再见, slán.

Mayor Lightfoot, forget the McCaskey Bears. Concentrate on your job. Our city is not safe, thanks to your frenemies, Chicago Machine Boss, Toni Preckwinkle, and her Minnie Me Minion, Kim Foxx. Your cowboy police superintendent is an abject failure. How many more people must be killed, wounded, or terrorized before you wake up and smell the horse manure?