It’s just your s**t talkin’
You’re telling me lies, yeah
S**t talkin’
You wear a disguise
S**t talkin’
So misunderstood, yeah
S**t talkin’
You really no good
(The BeeGeebus)
There are only two pure verbal art forms, stand-up comedy and political speaking. Both are also known as talking s**t. Talking s**t is its own genre. Politicians are masters, true masters of the genre. The best of the best are Chicago politicians. They are s**t talking wordsmiths par excellence. No one can match them. There is a long tradition of political s**t talking going back to Chicago’s incorporation as a city. Chicago is called the Windy City due to all the political s**t talking, and we know which end the wind blows from.
Chicago’s s**t talking politicians are charismatic, eccentric, outlandish, honestly corrupt, contentious, and pugnacious. Some padded their salaries with graft and inflated their egos by writing articles, books, or poetry.
I mean, if the following eloquent quotes do not denote a genre, I do not know what does:
“We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement.”
“A newspaper is the lowest thing there is.”
“Even the Lord had skeptical members of His party.”
“The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.”
“They have vilified me, they have crucified me; yes, they have even criticized me.”
“I enjoy getting things done. My philosophy is the edge, the edge of something. There’s where we have to go in local government, in not only the philosophy but the creativity in people around you. They have to go to the edge.”
“I worked for him. I raised money for him. What am I supposed to do, take my pants off?”
“I thought the health of people is very important. If a rat is on your sandwich, you hope to know it before. If a mouse is on your salad, it’s common sense.”
“Scrutiny? What else do you want? Do you want to take my shorts? Give me a break. How much scrutiny do you want to have? Go scrutinize yourself! I get scrutined every day, don’t worry, from each and every one of you. It doesn’t bother me.”
It’s silly! It’s silly, baldhead! He’s baldheaded – is that silly? No. Come on! It’s the silliest thing I ever heard! Next question!”
“I’ve said ‘cuckoo’ once. I’ll say it again. (chirping) Cuckoo!”
Those are just two politicians, father, and son, who served over forty years as mayors between them. It is not just mayors s**t talking. The current Aldermen, Cook County Board President, State’s Attorney, and Mayor talk s**t to keep getting reelected over and over again. Together, they could fertilize thousands of farm acres with all the s**t they spew.
Their s**t talking is job security. Gullible Chicagoans love to be entertained by the clowns they keep reelecting to office. They will believe anything and everything the politicians and their handmaidens, the Chicago news media, tell them. The citizens in this town are too dumb to realize they are being served daily s**t sandwiches by elected officials and the news media.
There really is no difference between Chicago politicians and stand-up comedians, except the comedians are entertaining and funny. Politicians talk s**t, remain popular, no matter how outlandish their s**t talking is, and keep getting elected. If you are not a practitioner of the s**t talking genre, your chances of holding office in Chicago are slim to none, and Slim left town.
I finally concluded that stand-up comedians would be better public servants than our current and wannabe politicians. Maybe we should look to the comedy clubs to find our next crop of leaders. We already know they talk s**t, but they will at least entertain us by making us laugh instead of breaking our hearts and wallets (Taxation is theft in Chicago).
Hey Chicago, send in the clowns!