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Things that drive me mad

Image: PV Bella

Things that drive me mad

Living in Chicago is arduous. The city is inhabited by too many humans from the dregs of the gene pool. They make me crazy enough to want to run naked through the streets shouting like some raving mad drunken Russian poet. With warm weather, hopefully, on the horizon, these genetic mutants will be out in force. These are just a few things driving me insane.

Last week I ordered something from a major corporation- not Amazon. The next day they sent me the information to track my package. It left Tennessee. The next day it arrives at O’Hare Airport in Chicago. Then, it went to FedEx O’Hare and then FedEx Chicago. It was en route to FedEx, New Berlin Wisconsin, outside of Milwaukee the next day. Later that day, it arrived. Last night I checked, and it was on its way back to Chicago. Today, FedEx turned it over to the USPS. Hopefully, it will not go through Alaska before it finally arrives.

A couple of days ago, I was sitting in a bar and was hungry. I saw the bartender order a sandwich and had it delivered. I ordered online from the same place. It is a national chain that promises to deliver your food faster than the fire department arrives if your house is burning. I specified in the notes I was sitting in the named bar. I pre-tipped the delivery on my card. An hour goes by, and there is no sandwich.

I called the sandwich shop. The manager claimed they tried to deliver the sandwich. I told him I never saw the delivery person come into the bar. He insisted the driver was there. Then he was appalled at my salty language. I have no tolerance for no-service people when they act like idiots. Eventually, my sandwich arrived, but I will never order or eat again at one of those places.

Horn beepers are a serious bane. If you are a millisecond too slow to move from a red light or stop sign, the horns blare. I tap the gas to get the car moving, then let the car roll as slowly as possible. I am never in a hurry. At my age, I only have two speeds, slow and stop. So, suffer, suckers. Beep all you want. I ain’t driving faster to accommodate your race to the bottom.

Worse are the guys- they are always guys- who drive Ferraris, Lambos, Maserati’s, or other exotic sports cars. They cannot drive them at full speed, but they must let the world know they exist. So, they coast in neutral, hitting the gas, so their pipes blast out an explosive growling noise that echos off buildings.

For the uninformed, Ferrari, Lambo, and Maserati are slang for penis extension. Only guys with too much money and too little size spend a small fortune on those extensions of their genitalia. Guys, you are out of your league. Mayor Lightfoot has the biggest d**k in Chicago. Ask her, she will tell you. Oh, and she did not have to spend a king’s fortune for it.

Electric scooters, motorized skateboards, and motorized unicycles are plaguing our streets. Why did the city cater to children and allow them to use toys for transportation? What next, Red Ryder electric wagons? Do these adults who transport themselves on toys have a thumb-sucking need to relive their childhood or live the childhood they wished they had? Like the terrorist bicyclists, they have no regard for the Rules of the Road. They are a danger to themselves, drivers, and pedestrians. These toys should be banned. One could wonder how much money in bribes oops, “campaign contributions” these companies paid our corruptible politicians to put children’s toys on the streets for playful, silly adults.

People who cannot control their large dogs while walking them are menaces to society, especially if they use long or retractable leashes. In some cases, one could say the dog is walking the supposed human. I have not seen a human relieving themself while the dog watches, though. The dog drags them along while they are oblivious to people walking. If you almost trip, they blame you. You are supposed to watch where their dog is and what it is doing.

Some of these puss heads walk the dogs while their faces are plastered to their phones. They are not paying attention to the animal or watching where they are going. I am waiting for one of those beasts to lunge at something while their humanoid waste of protoplasm tweets, texts, or scrolls. I would laugh like a fool if the human faceplanted on the sidewalk.

If these “humans” are the future of the human race., we do not have to worry about climate, whatever they call it this month, destroying civilization. It appears these slop leavings at bottom of the gene pool will do Mother Nature’s work for her.

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