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Velveeta Martini?

IMAGE: Velveeta

Ah, it is almost that time of year. That overblown coffee shop, Starbucks, will roll out that disgusting pumpkin spice coffee to all the precious fools who can’t get enough of it. They will wait in long lines to get it like addicts at a dope house.

Another disgusting treat will follow, Candy Corn. For Easter, there are Peeps. When my daughter was young, it was a fad to assassinate Peeps by microwaving them. Even young kids would not eat them.

In Chicago there is Malort, a horrible tasting liquor that some people cannot get enough of and brag about drinking that swill. But wait, there’s more. There is cookie dough whiskey. There is also Alaskan salmon-infused vodka.

It is bad enough that people in Chicago still insist on putting ketchup on hotdogs, a thoroughly disgusting practice.

If all the above is not disgusting enough, along comes the Velvetini. A Velveeta-inspired vodka martini. When I first read about this concoction, I had to double-check check I was not reading the Onion or some other comedy site. Velveeta teamed up with the BLT Restaurant Group to sell the $15.00 concoction while supplies last.

The Velvetini is described as “unapologetic, outrageously cheesy.” The Velvetini is made with Velveeta infused vodka. It is garnished with Velveeta stuffed olives, Velveeta mac and cheese shells, and the glass is dripped with melted Velveeta cheese. They also have a DIY kit with all the ingredients except the vodka, along with the recipe. (It is sold out. Yeah, and they let these consumers vote too).

Just what America needs. What will they dream up next? Maybe a pizzatini, an Italian beeftini, a corndogtini, a PB&Jtini or a hamburgertini? Geeze, it is not bad enough that high-end Bloody Mary’s are a meal in a glass.

This is a terrific marketing ploy for Velveeta, and the publicity gives their brand cachet. Just the thought of drinking one makes me want to blow chow.

Hell, maybe Starbucks will come up with a pumpkin spice coffeetini in their stores that sell alcohol. That will give the oh so precious people with no palate something to wait in line forever for.

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