I do not know who is worse, the f**ktard fribbles at TimeOut Chicago or the birds**t brains at Chicago Magazine. If someone gave them copies of the Kama Sutra, they would pull out crayons and color in the images. Whenever I read their advice, I want to commit seppuku with a broken jagged-edged beer bottle.
Chicago Magazine’s latest advice column is a new low in absolute idiocy. The title of this pile of horse sh**t? “Don’t be a FIP! Five unmistakable signs you’re not actually from Michigan” FIP meaning F**cking Illinois People. All the adjoining states label Illinoisans as FIPs. We label others as F**king Cheese heads, F**king Hoosiers, etc.
This piece of what my dog used to leave behind advises what people from Chicago should not do while visiting Southwestern Michigan. It is inane and asinine. First, SW Michigan has been an exurb of Chicago for several decades. Many Chicagoans have vacation homes or moved there. Some commute daily by train to the city to work. It is part and parcel of what is known as Chicagoland.
Second, no one goes to Michigan to pretend to be from there. People go on vacation for one reason, R&R- rest and recreation. They want to have fun. They do not go to blend in with the locals or pretend to be something other than they are. Michiganders only care about one thing. How much dinero are you going to leave there?
What are Chicago Magazine’s ways of identifying FIPS?
Driving a foreign car: No one in Michigan cares what make of cars tourists drive. They can tell who you are by the license plates. Michiganders drive foreign cars, trucks, and farm equipment. It is evident the author of this nonsense, Edward McClelland, never visited Michigan or any place else. He should get out of mommy and daddy’s basement once in a while.
Owning a beach house: Many of the beach houses in SW Michigan are owned by people from Illinois, especially Chicago. Why does owning a beach home imply you are pretending to be from Michigan? Maybe McClelland should put the bong down or lay off the magic mushrooms.
Wearing a Stray Dog T-shirt: The Stray Bar sells souvenir T-shirts. They are meant to be worn. They do not imply anything except that you visited the bar and bought a T-shirt. Just like people come here and purchase souvenir T-shirts- TO F**KING WEAR THEM.
Jogging on the beach at sunset: According to this less-on (Lower than a moron), outdoor pursuits in Michigan are only hunting and fishing. Talk about overly precious privileged toxic stereotyping. Oh, and of course, he, like his lowlife ilk, had to get in a dig about billionaires. “Penny Pritzker and her husband trained for the Chicago Marathon at their Harbor Country getaway.”
Mispronouncing Michigan locales: This base snipe product of bonobos does not know that people will constantly mispronounce the names of places. Hell, most people in Chicago do not know the proper pronunciation of Goethe Street or other places.
If this was intended as a humor piece, it fails. Aside from its pretentious stereotyping, there are too many people in Chicago dumb enough to take this tripe seriously. Need proof? Look who they vote for and keep voting for.
Anyone who believes anything these two comic rags write should be institutionalized and placed on psychotropic drugs until cured. The writers of these two magazines continually make up stuff knowing the rubes and bark chewers in Chicago will believe it. They know that people who read these publications are way dumber than they are.