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A modest proposal

Once again, the McCaskey Ken Dolls of the NFFL- National Fake Football League- lost another game Sunday Night. A few former pundits expressed they might- might being the operative word- only win one more game this season. Because of their miserable performance and horrid owners, I have a modest proposal.

Since Mayor Brandon Johnson does not have the cojones to go into federal court to stop the unlawful filtration of migrants from Texas F├╝hrer, Greg Abbott, Johnson should use his emergency powers to cancel all Ken Doll home games.

Soldier Field should be used to build a tent city to house the migrants. It is the perfect facility. It has space, it is not near a neighborhood so no residents will be against it. The facility has restrooms, food concessions, and the home and away locker rooms have showers. The city could provide the migrants with meal ticket books. They could reimburse the concessionaires for food consumed by the migrants.

Volunteer agencies could replace those offensive tailgaters, providing nourishing food to the migrants instead of that moldy swill they are getting from that politically connected staffing agency bilking the city out of millions of dollars.

Since the communities are rightfully up in arms over Johnson not involving them in the process of tenting migrants in their neighborhoods, this would eliminate public anger over his dictatorial edicts.

Johnson refuses to inform or seek input from the communities. He and his regime just do what they want. Meet the new mayor, same as the old mayors. So, if they want to do what they want, take over Soldier Field. Screw the McCaskeys, their team, and the drooling, bark chewing, knuckle dragging, brain dead Ken Doll fans.

This would be a benefit because communities would be mollified. Ken Doll fans would not have the embarrassment of watching the team lose at home. The other benefit is not having Ken Doll fans in drinking establishments on the canceled game days. Intelligent people can drink in peace without seeing all their offensive clothing and listening to them cheer for losers. We can watch other sports like soccer and rugby, you know, real football.

This modest proposal is a win-win for the city. They have a safe environment for the migrants. They can provide decent meals and sanitary restrooms. The migrants can be contained to receive social and legal services in one place. Soldier Field is a safer alternative than the neighborhoods. Everything is in one place for these people.

The only people who would suffer would be the McCaskeys. But turn-around is fair play. They caused enough suffering and emotional distress with their horrid ownership and management of the team. So what if they have to forfeit games? It does not affect the city as a whole. It does not affect the team because they are not going to the postseason, anyway. Oh, and they would have to refund ticket holders. The McCaskeys deserve to lose the money.

The only people who may be affected are the Chicago sportswriters, who are bigger cheerleaders than the fans. Chicago sports writers should be required to wear colorful uniforms and carry pom poms so they can be instantly recognized. Their few criticisms are so mild they sound like compliments.

Once again, a simple solution to a simple problem.

Published inUncategorized