Skip to content

Month: December 2022

Aldermanic thug life

Cartoon: PV Bella

Ald. Jim Gardiner is taking a page out of his predecessor, John Arena’s, term in office. He is living the aldermanic thug life. Who knows, maybe he will release a drill rap campaign video.

“Gardiner is facing multiple lawsuits and a series of allegations that include withholding ward services from his critics, using foul language to describe women and potential misconduct. The FBI, the Chicago Board of Ethics, the Circuit Court Clerk’s Office and the Office of the Inspector General have launched investigations into Gardiner’s conduct in office.” (Block Club Chicago)

Gardiner is once again under investigation for his thuggery. Gardiner is accused of harassing volunteers seeking petition signatures for his opponent, Marina Tomic. A Ring camera caught part of the altercation.

One canvasser accused Gardiner of threatening to punch them. Gardiner thinks he is a tough guy, a thug, a brawler, and above the law. He believes intimidation is the way to make friends and influence people ala the Chicago Outfit. In reality, Gardiner is a two-bit cowardly punk. Only punk cowards make threats they cannot or will not deliver.

In the video, Gardiner states, “Run a clean election.” His interference in the canvassing shows his hypocrisy. By harassing canvassers, he is running a dirty campaign, the Chicago Way campaign. What next? Will he hire armed goons to make sure people vote for him? Will he recreate the Pineapple Campaign of the 1920s? Will he send his precinct worker toughs out to intimidate voters? Will he hire gang members, like other alderpersons have done to menace voters?

Gardiner is a disgrace to the City Council and the City of Chicago. He has no business being an alderman. He defeated a thug, and he turned into a thug. Maybe he was a thug all along.

His predecessor, John Arena, was no better. He, too, was a thug. It appears that a few aldercritters are acting no better than gangbangers. They use intimidation to fight opponents. Gardiner, with his past actions under investigation, is a proven lager lout. He is also a charlatan and a fraud. He proves it every day he holds office.

The 45th Ward deserves an alderman who will represent the community, listen to critics, and respect the electoral process. That person is not Jim Gardiner. The only reason he is an aldercritter is because it pays more than being a firefighter, which was his career before becoming an elected thug. He could not care less about public service or his constituents.

Gardiner believes he can ride roughshod over the people in his ward. He believes he can do whatever he wants. Hopefully, the Feds will have enough to nail him before the election and take him out.

Chicago had its share of thug politicians in the past. Many thought that sordid past was long gone. That past reared its head in Aldercritter Jim Gardiner. He is living the thug life large and enjoying every minute. So, when does the drill rap video drop?

Monday morning comming down


I found the above picture amusing. Yet, it rings true. Aaron Rogers owns the Ken Dolls. Since the McCaskeys are moving the supposed team to the suburbs, the change honoring Rogers is appropriate.

Maybe one day soon these tables will turn.

Maybe one day the Chicago Bears will again be the dominant team in their storied rivalry with the Green Bay Packers.

Maybe the Bears will become the group making game-winning plays on the regular rather than stumbling into so many game-losing mistakes.

Maybe Justin Fields will soon become in this league what Aaron Rodgers has long been.

Maybe an extended run of success is riiiight there on the horizon.

Maybe. Perhaps. (Dan Wiederer/Chicago Tribune)

Hell froze over and pigs flew. The powers that be at the McCaskey Chicago Tribune allowed a rebuke of the Chicago Ken Dolls.

“Maybe. Perhaps.” Is the repeated theme of the piece. While a rebuke, it is not a total rebuke, but it is better than their slobbering sports writers’ past adoring opinions turning the Ken Dolls losses into wins and treating QB Justin Fields like the one and only god to be worshipped.

After eight straight losses, it is about time the Tribune allowed honest, objective reporting on the Ken Dolls versus obedient adoration. Listening to Matt Eberflus, the coach, one would think the Dolls are heading into the postseason versus into obscurity.

Another report claimed that the most sold Ken Doll jersey is Number 1, Justin Fields. By season’s end, those jerseys will fill Goodwill bins, selling for a couple of dollars. But the McCaskeys are happy. They made big bucks off the quarterback they are ruining. Big bucks are all they care about. Winning not so much.

Mayor Lori Lightfoot is in full campaign mode. She is touting her continual string of failures as successes. Lightfoot is claiming promises made during her last campaign are promises kept instead of every promise being broken.

The Chicago news media is gleefully echoing and cheering for her in their reportage. No editorials are calling her out for her dishonesty. No criticism that Lightfoot broke every promise she made when running for her first term. She had to return a large campaign contribution because of an ethics violation and may have to return another large contribution for the same reason. Yet, it is reported as a minor blip, an oversight.

The Eleventh Commandment is, “Thou shalt not get caught.” The Thirteenth Commandment is, “Thou shalt not talk.” I wonder if there is a Fourteenth Commandment, “Thou shalt not bear harsh witness of the Chicago’s mayor, City Council, and Chicago Sports teams.”

Chicago is known as the city of scoundrels. We can add the Chicago news media to the scoundrel list for joyfully and willingly ignoring failures in local political and sports reportage while hyping them as successes.

I do not know how I missed this


“Oh, bring us some figgy pudding
Oh, bring us some figgy pudding
Oh, bring us some figgy pudding
And bring it right here…

We all like our figgy pudding
We all like our figgy pudding
We all like our figgy pudding

With all its good cheers”

 (We wish you a Merry Christmas/Arthur Warrell 1939)

The late comedian, George Carlin, posited, ‘Just think of how stupid the average people are and realize half of them are stupider than that.” The gag is proven repeatedly in good ole red, white, and blue ‘Merica, Land of the less-on* and Home of the Half-wit.

Yes, my fellow “Mericans, you proved once again how utterly stupid you are. It is not bad enough you vote to elect the worst of the worst to public office. It is not bad enough you gleefully pleasure yourself with pumpkin spice everything in the fall, especially the creator of that crap, Spewf**ks, or whatever that crappy coffee chain is called.

You, my fellow citizens, outdid yourselves in the stupidity, absurdity, and ridiculous factors. How you ask? Hormel, who makes SPAM®, introduced SPAM® Figgy Pudding on November 15th. They sold it through, Amazon, and Walmart.

According to the company, “SPAM® Figgy Pudding brings a blend of warm spices and seasonal ingredients that will be the star in many wintertime recipe favorites. With notes of cinnamon and nutmeg combined with fig and orange flavors, you’ll taste true holiday comfort that will have you caroling all season long.”

The great mass of “Merican chromosomal defective, gullible bark chewing pecker headed rubes bought it. It sold out within days of its introduction. For you dullards who missed out, you can find it on the secondary market at twice the price.

Naturally, this will soon be a Christmas tradition, dating back to the jolly olde age of Dickens. Scrooge will be portrayed as giving out SPAM® Figgy Pudding instead of the Christmas goose. Ads will portray people unwrapping cans of SPAM® Figgy Pudding under the tree with joy and glee. Large mockups of the cans will be placed alongside public nativity scenes, or maybe a can will replace one of the gifts of the Magi.

There will be images of SPAM® Figgy Pudding, ala Norman Rockwell, proudly brought to the Christmas table on a fancy China plate. It will become the national centerpiece of holiday fare. ‘Mericans throughout this country will make this a national holiday treasure. When Food & Wine has an article on it, you know foodies will try to score it.

SPAM® is counting on this great ‘American Public of clodpoles and chowderheads to make this product a holiday tradition while they laugh all the way to the bank. Maybe next year, they can issue people tee-shirts emblazoned with “I’m with stupid,” along with the product’s image. Now mall shoppers have a reason to wear their cargo shorts. They can stuff the large pockets with SPAM® Figgy Pudding for a light snack between holiday shopping and hitting the mall’s junk food joints.

Members of the Christian Nationalist Crystal Methodist Church of America will proclaim SPAM® Figgy Pudding as a gift from above, manna from heaven. They may even offer it at Communion., the Great Comedian’s holy joke.

The idiocy of the ‘Merican consumer never fails to disappoint.

*Lower on the intelligence scale than morons

The mayoral race is on

Mayor Lori Lightfoot

Ald. Sophia King,

Community activist Ja’Mal Green

Cook County Commissioner Brandon Johnson

Former Chicago Public Schools CEO Paul Vallas,

Businessman and philanthropist Willie Wilson,

State Rep. Kam Buckner

Ald. Roderick Sawyer

U.S. Rep. Jesús “Chuy” García

Annnnd theiiiiiiir off. The list is the finalists running for mayor of Chicago. They are the only candidates to submit nominating petitions out of a predicted 15 or more. Kudus to the eight candidates who had the stomach to campaign against Lori Lightfoot. It takes a certain type of person to run for elected office in this city. The hurdles are high. Just getting and staying on the ballot is a tough slog because of the antiquated petition signature ploy and challenges to the petitions.

Which one of the eight can turn this city around from the stream of Lori Lightfoot’s continual failures? Who can attract the most votes and money and last until the election in February?

Candidates and their staffs must be multi-taskers. They need to raise big bucks, do the rubber chicken circuit, get on the street to press the flesh, get their messages out to the media, allay the fears of the business community, give interviews, and did I mention raise big bucks? It is seven days a week grueling grind from dawn til past most people’s bedtimes.

The word campaign is derived from the Latin word campania- open field battle and the French, campange and Italian, campanga- field military operation. It is rooted in the military and wars going back to ancient times. In Chicago, politics is warfare. Political campaigns are wars of attrition and battles for the hearts and minds of the public. It is a war for money. It is a war to attract the powerful and prominent people in the city and the neighborhoods to support you.

Chicago politics is a battle against your opponents and their supporters in and out of politics. It is a battle for who can last the longest and make it to election day. Chicago politics is brutal. Only the strong survive. It will be interesting to see how many of Lightfoot’s eight challengers stay the course. If they drop out, who will they support? Or will they disappear?

Lightfoot lost Chicago. She and her incompetent mercenary Superintendent of Police, David Brown, lost the city in 2020 when rioting and looting broke out from one end of the city to the other. Brown had no strategy to deal with the mass peaceful protests, looting, and rioting. Businesses of all sizes were furious. Residents were furious. The world watched as Chicago descended into mob rule. Lightfoot should have fired Brown then. But Lightfoot’s policy is failure is an option, and failures, like Brown, are successful.

The love is not there. She lost the police and fire communities. She lost the teachers and their formidable union/political action committee with big bucks to spend. Past mayors like Daley and Emanuel stumbled but recovered. Lightfoot keeps stumbling from one failure to another.

“I know how to build coalitions. I know how to bring people together,” Lightfoot said. “Every single time there’s been a challenge and you all are speculating, ‘She can’t get it done because of this, that and the other and people don’t like her personality and whatnot,’ we deliver, every single time. So print that.” (Chicago Tribune/Emphasis mine)

The Chicago Tribune dutifully printed that. The paper has been Lightfoot’s water carrier since her election. Chicago news media reprints press releases or dictates and calls it journalism. You will know who not to vote for if any of the Chicago news media endorses Lightfoot or ramps up positive stories about her. This is the same news media that slobbers and drools over the McCaskey Ken Dolls and the McCaskeys like hormonally overcharged teenagers.

Make no mistake, anyone but Lightfoot is not an option and could be worse. We need a mayor who can relate to the entire city, not just certain blocs like race, ethnicity, or progressives. Chicago is a mix of political ideas. No one dominates. A mayoral candidate should be able to appeal to the cross-section of political ideals across this city. Every neighborhood is unique. Chicago needs a mayor who can unite us instead of dividing us. Lightfoot is divisive. However, the voters in Chicago are not the brightest bulbs. Half are even dimmer. Look who they elect as aldercritters.

We need a mayor who can put public safety first. The next mayor should be able to relate to the business community, bringing in businesses and ensuring businesses of all sizes can thrive and remain here. We need a mayor who can treat the city council respectfully instead of publicly berating and insulting members while violating council rules.

The key is to vote. Get your family, neighbors, coworkers, friends, and acquaintances to vote. We cannot afford to go into a runoff election if no one gets over 50%

Out of the eight, I do not know who can turn this ship around. When it comes to politics, I am jaded. All modern fairy tales should start with, “If elected, I promise…”

Abandon the Bears bring on soccer

PHOTO: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Digital Cartoon: PV Bella

“I say “soccer.” My European friends say “fútbol.” Whether it’s soccer or fútbol, no one will be saying “Chicago Bears.” It will be the “Arlington Heights Bears.” Good riddance, I say.” (Laura Washington/Column: Forget the Bears. Soccer is Chicago’s future. (

I am a recovered Bears fan. I am slowly recovering from being a “professional” football fan. The hindrance to my full recovery? I keep rooting for whatever team plays the Bears. I have a Jones to see those Ken Dolls soundly defeated every week.

On Sundays, I must put up with screaming, brain-dead zombie Bears fans at my local saloon. We need to bring back asylums to house and medicate these people. Getting the bartender to put on a soccer game is nearly impossible when football is on television. Golf, yeah. Soccer no.

I picked up an interest in soccer a while back. After watching the World Cup, especially the game between the USA vs. Saudi Arabia, I am hooked. I realized watching that game and others that soccer players are true athletes, sometimes with gymnastic abilities, like the image above. Not one professional football player can make that flying kick. That takes skill, artistry, and athleticism.

Not one “player” in the NFL could last 90 minutes on a soccer pitch. Soccer players run from one end of the field to the other and back throughout the game. There is contact. The players do not wear equipment or helmets. Just shorts, jerseys, and thin shin guards under their stockings.

Football is as fake as “Professional wrestling.” There is no elegance, intricacy, or art to the game. It is a staged and choreographed act. The winners are the team that can out-fake their opponents in stuntman form.

Soccer players use their feet, legs, knees, chests, and heads to move the ball. Only the goalie can use their hands. The footwork can be as intricate as a dancer when watched close up. Soccer is as much an art form as a sport.

Soccer was dubbed the beautiful game in the late 1950s. Two British reporters are credited with coining the phrase. Famed soccer player Pele made the phrase synonymous with the game and used it in the title of his autobiography.

No one ever called the game of football beautiful. It was a game of brutes played by mindless sides of beef. Back in the day, football players could have been loan shark collectors, a job requiring only brutishness and mindlessness.

Now, Ken Dolls play football, pretending to be brutes. No one ever claimed football was a beautiful game. It has no grace or style. One Brit presenter called soccer “Feet with brains.” No one ever referred to football players as even having brains.

As Laura Washington points out in her column, soccer is the most popular sport in the world. On any weekend day, drive through Chicago, and you will see people playing soccer in many of the larger parks, even on the lakefront. There are many ethnic soccer clubs in Chicago and the suburbs. Soccer is popular in high schools and colleges, with male and female teams. Some teams are mixed.

Soccer is n international sport. Football is confined to the states. Probably because other people are not as stupid as the average American football fan. You know, people who think fast food is haute cuisine and Olive Garden, is real Italian food.

Soccer is so popular with the young that “Soccer Mom” entered the lexicon. Soccer drove the sale of mini-vans so “soccer moms” could haul their children, their teams, food, and equipment to games all over the area. There is no such thing as a “Football Mom” and football never drove the sale of specific vehicles.

America needs to wean itself from football and support professional soccer. Put butts in the stadium seats, watch the games, and demand more televised games and sports media coverage. Soccer should supersede football as one of America’s favorite past times. It could and should put the NFL- National Fake League- out of business.

City Hall should dump the Bears and throw their full support to the Chicago Fire. Their recent owner, Joe Mansueto, has two exceptional qualities. He has money and is not afraid to spend it. He has a deep passion for the sport. The only qualities the McCaskeys have is how cheap and chiseling they are and embarrassing our great city with their passion for mediocrity. Bears fans should abandon the team. All they provide is heartbreak year after year.

With municipal support and fan building, Chicago could become the center of professional soccer in the country. The Bears can waste away whenever they move to Arlington Heights.