Peter V. Bella Posts

The month of March is coming to a freezing end. Spring gave Chicago a huge FU finger. It teased with a warm day or two, then struck back with cold weather. March also brought us some questionable moments. Things that make inquiring minds go, hmmm.

The latest was the smack heard and seen around the world. Last night, Will Smith slapped Chris Rock in the face at the Oscars over a joke about Smith’s wife’s “GI Jane” look. Imagine what would happen if Chris Rock made a joke about Alec Baldwin’s wife, Hilarious, Hilarity, or whatever her name is. Baldwin, known for his mean temper, and punching innocent people may have pummeled Rock until pulled off by several people. Or, or there may have been some kind of deadly accident. The “unloaded” gun Baldwin did not know he was carrying went off by itself, an accidental discharge. Hmmm?

Russia is destroying parts of Ukraine while the Ukraine armed forces and militias are killing Russian soldiers. Farmers are towing away abandoned Russian tanks. A Russian tanker ran over an officer with a tank. France’s President, Emmanuel  Macron, is trying to pretend he is a diplomat and peacemaker. His vocabulary consists of one word, de-escalation. When he is not mugging for the cameras deescalating, he takes inventory of his nation’s WWII arms, brand new, never fired, and only dropped once. Hmmm?

While waging unprovoked war crimes in Ukraine, Russia condemned Azerbaijan for sending troops into the Armenian-held territory of Nagorno-Karabakh, killing three Armenian soldiers, and wounding others. There were supposed to be Russian “peacekeeping” forces to, well, keep the peace. Little good they did. Putin made his displeasure known about the unprovoked attack. Vlad the Invader is now trying to be Putin the Peacemaker. I guess Putin can juggle two personalities at once. Hmmm?

I listened to parts of the hearings to confirm Ketanji Brown for Supreme Court Justice. I was somewhat amused at the fascination some senators had over child pornography. Ted Cruz, the Cuban-Canadian with the creepy, ugly beard, would not let go. He is still seeking more information on child pornography. One could wonder about Cruz’s and others’ deep-diving fascination with child pornography. Hmmm?

The Chicago Public School system reported 8% of their tech items missing. Thousands of computers, iPads, and even air purifiers, lawn equipment, treadmills, and defibrillators. They reported the missing inventory to the police, who believe many items were stolen or on loan items were not returned. CPS must have some poor protocols for tracking their inventory. The smash and grabbers have nothing on CPS personnel or people they allow access to their property. One could wonder where all that property went? Your tax dollars, especially those high property taxes at work and waste, Hmmm?

And, last, but not least, our “illustrious” mayor, Lori Lightfoot, had her own hmmms this month. First, she claimed to have the biggest male genital member in the city, causing Chicago males to question their own manhood, so to speak. Then, she attended a St. Patrick’s Day parade wearing a kilt. Evidently, according to my Irish friends, she was not wearing it properly. One questioned how she kept the biggest genital member in Chicago from revealing itself. Was she wearing Tighty-Whities underneath to keep said member constrained? Hmmm?

We live in the realm of you just cannot make this stuff up. We will see what April Fool’s Day brings us in a few days. Hmmm?

They come daily

When the weather permits

Day after day the old men come

They sit in the plaza

On hard metal chairs and park benches

They bask in the sun

They watch the fat pigeons frolic

They watch children run and play

When there is live entertainment

They enjoy it

Sometimes they sit alone

Sometimes they gather

The old men talk

They talk of life and death

Joy and sorrow

Love and hate

Wives and former wives

Their children and grandchildren

They talk of their afflictions

and the afflictions of the others

They gossip

Their hair is gray

Their faces weathered

Their hands gnarled

They are men who

Worked hard

Some move slowly

Walking with measured steps

 Sometimes they will bring cans of beer

Sipping it in the heat of late afternoon

The plaza is like some in Europe

Where people gather

People meet people

People talk

The old men live alone

They are not lonely

They have each other

They are old

Older than I

I am not like them and like them

When the weather permits

The old men come to the plaza

We sit

We talk

We sip beer in the heat

Snow is falling on and off today. It is just flurries, but still snow. It appears we had a false spring opening. When we had a respite from winter, I was in the plaza near my home. It is a pleasant open space where people come to congregate or socialize. On nice days there is live entertainment.

There are park benches and some metal chairs one of the regulars found and donated them to the place. There is a group of three to five regulars, elderly men, who show up daily. They sit alone, basking in the sun or in a group, talking or arguing over one issue or another. Sometimes one brings a to listen to music or the news.

They are there, day after day, leaving before evening falls to walk home. The men are retired or on disability. One gets crazy as a loon sometimes. He no longer comes around. I go to the plaza daily, weather permitting. I drink my coffee, work the crosswords, or hijack the guest WIFI of an adjoining restaurant to write or surf the web. I got to know the old men.

There are people like these all over this city. They sit in open spaces, sometimes congregating, sometimes alone. You also see them in the saloons, what the youngsters call old men bars- whatever that means. They will sit, nursing a beer, watching sports, whiling away time. Time is all most of them have.

They all have stories to tell once you get to know them. A few are not what they seem. They lived full lives. They are content. They just want to be around others or bask alone, outdoors, when the weather permits.

I ran into one last week when the weather teased us with warmth and sunshine. We were glad to see each other. We had a brief conversation about the others before he trudged home.

When people ask me how I am, I have a stock answer. “I am old, crabby, tired, ugly, mean, miserable, and ornery.” I have good reason to be. I live in Chicago, the most pestiferous and dangerous city in the nation. Our local criminals will end your life if our annoying local pests don’t drive you mad enough to run naked, screaming through the streets like a drunken mad Russian poet.

Spring is here. It brings out the worst pests and numerous murderous villains. We are living in a dystopian city. So, in my self-interest of public service, I will offer some tips and clues.

Do not have Zoom meetings or two-way conversations with the speaker on your phone or computer in a coffee shop, public trans, or other public places. If you are near me, I will play loud music on my phone or computer speaker. I did that yesterday while some pest had a Zoom meeting with her crotch rocket’s teachers. She became very annoyed and let me know it. I cranked up the volume. She was too stupid to move. They make these things called headphones and earbuds with microphones. Please enter the 21^st Century or do not be a cheapskate and chiseler.

Many parents believe having a child is a handicap. Having children is not a handicap. Do not take up a handicapped space on public transportation with your limo-sized stroller and squat sasquatch. You do not belong on public transportation if you are too dumb to get a folding umbrella stroller.

Bicycle season will be in full bloom soon. Those two-wheeled terrorists will be riding their weapons of mass pedestrian destruction like maniacs. The worst of them will ride on the sidewalks, violating the law. I will curse you up a red streak. I will not get out of your way if you ride towards me. If you swerve and fall or crash into a tree or something else, I will walk away laughing, no matter how injured you are. Stop signs mean stop. If I cross the street and you do not stop, see the above. I have no mercy or pity for lawbreakers. Boo, f**king hoo.

Riding the El is more dangerous lately. Riding with lawbreakers is even worse. No food or drink is allowed on public transportation. Yet, people feel free to drink and eat while riding. Due to a lack of political leadership and the cowardice of CTA officials, the lawbreakers commit these offenses with impunity, just like our violent criminals. CTA and the city could make a ton of money citing these minor criminals for breaking the law. The only law they enforce is smoking. From what I lately observed, they rarely do that anymore.

There are those lumps of left-over defective slurry of protoplasm who walk down busy sidewalks with their faces plastered to their phones. They are not watching where they are going. It is no one else’s job to watch where they are going. If I bump into you, knocking your phone out of your hand or knocking you on your keester, you get what was coming to you.

Now, to public safety. Again, there is no, none, zero, zip, nada, political leadership in Chicago. You must be hyper-aware when roaming the streets of Chicago or riding public transportation. Not one neighborhood is safe. You can be an innocent victim of a violent crime at any time of day. The rolling shootouts will soon return, so driving may be a fatal endeavor. Since most of the human species in this city are a useless waste of subnormal chromosomes, I cannot offer advice on your safety, except to stay home.

Public safety is an oxymoron in this city led by defective genetic morons. Do not leave home unless you absolutely must. Downtown and Near North, the entertainment, cultural, and tourist areas are too dangerous. Stay away. Stay home, order out, and watch or stream entertainment. Self-survival is the first and highest law of nature. By the way, you can even get booze delivered, so why risk drinking out?

To American tourists and suburbanites, stay out of Chicago. You do not have the survival skills to stay alive in this city. Plus, if you do not bring your dollars here, we can eliminate all the suburban-style food emporiums that serve mung and dreck. Our vibrant food scene is being polluted by the chain-style places, catering to you and serving their sewage sludge. We do not need more McF**konalds, S**tpoltes, Olive Fartens, Pee Cake F**ktory, or other places you think are “fine dining” or fake ass ethnic food. Stay out of Chicago. Go mall walking in your suburb, city, or whatever else you do to amuse yourselves. Eat your fine sewage sludge in your own city or suburb.

Foreign tourists are welcome, as they have class. But, they may be taking their lives into their hands. I feel sorry for them.

If you must come to Chicago, do not read or take advice from Chicago Magazine or Timeout Chicago. They have no clue about this city. They are written, edited, and published by drooling, slobbering, less-ons (Lower than morons). They just make s**t up, knowing out of town and suburban mutant genetic mental defectives will believe it. Only humans who were failed experiments at Area 51 believe their bulls**t.

“The impact of injustice on these individuals, by actors including prosecutors, deserves to be remedied,” Foxx said in a statement. “Through the Resentencing Initiative, prosecutors can begin addressing the fact that many Black and brown people are still incarcerated today under failed policies of the past, even though they have been rehabilitated and pose little threat to public safety.” (Kim Foxx/Chicago Tribune)

A while back, an incarcerated person who murdered a police officer was up for parole. State’s Attorney Kim Foxx refused to send officials to argue against parole. She stated her office would no longer object to convicted criminals being paroled.

Now, she is advocating for the release of convicted criminals if she feels their sentences were too long, unjust, or they are rehabilitated. She blames the failed policies of the past for long incarcerations.

Foxx’s failed policies of the present are responsible for murder and mayhem on the streets of Chicago. She is washing away the “sins” of the past with the blood of the present. She has blood on her hands.

According to Foxx’s Office of Criminal Cuddling and Coddling, “The purpose of resentencing is “to advance public safety through punishment, rehabilitation, and restorative justice.”

We saw time after time paroled- rehabilitated- people commit violent crimes shortly after getting released from prison. Kim Foxx even refused to prosecute parole violators. One brave judge went on the record with her disgust during a case where the prosecutor said the office would not prosecute two parole violators.

If Kim Foxx spent more time and resources prosecuting dangerous felons, our city might be safer. Unfortunately, she cares more about criminals and their families than victims. Not once has she shown any emotion towards murder victims. Not even when they were children, toddlers, or infants.

But boy, oh boy, did she get emotional over the Jussie Smollett conviction and sentence. Her op-ed piece in the Sun-Times was Pulitzer Prize worthy.

She put on an Academy Award emotional performance when Mayor Lori Lightfoot criticized her failures. Boss Preckwinkle politically slapped Lightfoot around. Now she and Foxx are the best of frenemies.

Kim Foxx is a disaster as a State’s Attorney. You people elected her twice and will probably elect her again if she runs or runs for higher office.

Folks, you got the State’s Attorney you deserve. Learn to live with it. Hopefully, you will not die from it.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day. We celebrate Irish history, culture, and the contributions the Irish made to society and culture. Too many, mostly non-Irish, celebrate by wearing funny green clothing and drowning the shamrock, drinking way beyond excess, especially that horse p**s green beer and those concocted “Irish” cocktails.

What is lost to many are the sufferings inflicted on the Irish by Great Britain. Great Britain never was held accountable for all the atrocities they committed throughout the world in the Colonial Era. They are held up as a paragon of human rights, go figure.

The Irish gave us poets, writers, playwrights, musicians, actors, singers, songwriters, visual artists, politicians, a president, educators, religious institutions, and other contributions to this country.

Like other immigrants who came to America, the Irish were treated brutally until they fought their way up the ladder of acceptance. This was the American way for most immigrants over the last two centuries. You were treated like dirt until you overcame and earned acceptance. Unfortunately, that American way has been dusted off and reared its ugly head again.

My pal, Tony Fitzpatrick, summed up the Irish in these excerpts from a longer essay:

“There is an impression that the Irish are a bunch of happy-go-lucky dipshits with fake brogues and cheery dispositions. Let us dispense with this myth right now. There is no darker heart than that of the Irish, Boyo…

You don’t want the luck of the Irish. Poverty, famine and the oppression of the British Crown are some of the components of this “luck.”

…The Irish have been conquered, raped and pillaged by the Spaniards, the English and the Vikings. Some “luck.” They still managed to take the language imposed upon them by their conquerors and use it better than they did…

…We are the best storytellers on the planet. We endured a famine so atrocious almost a quarter of our countrymen perished while the English raided our surviving potato crops…

…This is the way with us Irish. We contain great beauty; that which history has not been able to take from us, and we wield it with the best and worst intentions. Get in the way of our dance in this life, Boyo, and we’ll knock your dick loose…

To my Irish friends, Erin Go Bragh. To all you non-Irish people who pretend to be Irish today, do us all a favor. Go puke in the street or alleys instead of the sidewalks on your “pub” crawls. Or, like dog owners, carry plastic bags you can puke in and dispose of. Better yet, stop pretending to be “Irish.” Cultural appropriation and all that.

The streetlamps are on in Ukraine tonight
And the Russians are running to ground
Leaving their junk behind
And Putin  is dosing and the Fatman’s counting the tanks
And there’s more tanks than places to put ’em, he said
But I’ve got room for them all
So round ’em up boys
’cause I want some more toys
Hit the road where the convoy stalled

To me way, hay
Tow them away
The Ukraine Farmers are we
From Kyiv to Sumy
There’s nothing so gloomy
                                                       And we always collect our fee (Apologies to Steve Goodman)

Ukrainians are religious people. During Putin’s terrorism against their homeland, they prayed for salvation in any form.

The Great Comedian looked down with pity on his children. He called Satan and had Ross Cascio, AKA the Fatman, the former owner of Lincoln Towing, brought to Him. Lincoln Towing was the most notorious towing company in Illinois. It was the subject of the Steve Goodman song, the “Lincoln Park Pirates.” It was also the subject of several Mike Royko columns.

Cascio did not look worse for the wear for someone who spent his time in Hell. He looked hale, happy, and hardy, except for some singed ear and nose hair. Cascio stood before the Great Comedian puffing a large black oily cigar.

God asked him why he was not suffering like the others in Hell. The Fatman shrugged and replied that he made a deal with the Devil. He and his band of graduates from the Charm School in Joliet became Satan’s enforcers.

The Great Comedian offered Cascio a better deal, a deal with Him.

“The people of Ukraine are suffering. But the Russians are abandoning their tanks and other vehicles. They are running around like heads with their chickens cut off. I will commute your sentence in Hell, temporarily return you to mortal life, and then bring you to Heaven. You must go to Ukraine and develop a way to “relocate” the abandoned vehicles. The Ukrainians can use the tanks against the Russians. Later, you can show them how to sell them for scrap to raise money to cover their losses. It is long past time you became a humanitarian.”

The Fatman looked down and thought for a moment. In typical Chicago- Italian fashion, he put his palms up, shrugged his shoulders, and said, “Yeah, sure.”

 One second, he was standing before the Great Comedian. The next he was in Ukraine. He discovered he could speak and understand the language. He secured transportation to one of the abandoned convoys. There were several abandoned tanks surrounded by Ukrainians.

Cascio realized he was in a farming community. Farmers have tractors and earth-moving equipment. He told people to have the farmers bring their equipment. There were large numbers of tractors and other equipment by the following day.

The Fatman told the farmers to attach chains and tow bars the tanks to tractors until there were enough to pull them. Once that was figured out, they went to work. One by one, the tanks were towed, Destroyed tanks were booby-trapped and used to strategically block the road from any future tank convoys.

Being an entrepreneurial type, Cascio also had Russian armored vehicles and trucks towed. He towed them all away. Day after day, his crew of farmers went to abandoned convoys, towing tanks, and other Russian equipment.

In one instance, they towed a tank with Russians still inside. They popped out and began to run. They bumped into their guards, who left to forage for food. They ran off, stumbling, bumbling, and slogging through the muddy farm fields.

Cascio realized he may need more help if they encountered Russian soldiers. He convinced the government to lend him some students from the charm school at Lukyanivska. They arrived the next day, looking like the meanest band of cutthroat pirates The Fatman ever saw. His former crew was wusses compared to these guys.

Ross Cascio is reveling in his role as The Ukraine Tank Pirate. He is reliving his life all over again on a grander scale. Cascio sent the Russian government a Lincoln Park Towing bill for each tank towed as a joke. He would sell each one for one U.S. dollar to the Ukraine resistance if they did not pay.

It is said Putin is twirling, swirling, and spinning over Cascio and his Ukraine Tank Pirates. He even tried sending a delegation to Chicago to learn how to deal with the Fatman. They were met with disdain, shrugged shoulders, and palms up. “Nuttin we kin do. Da Fatman is dead. Tell ya boss to lay off da bong.”

NOTE: What is happening in Ukraine is heartbreaking. However, the sight of farmers towing Russian tanks is humorous and embarrassing to Putin.

As to the conflict, contrary to what everyone thinks, Putin is not conducting a “special operation or a war. It is an act of terrorism. Unfortunately, no one in the world has the guts to call him a terrorist or label the Russian Federation as a terrorist organization. That is my opinion, and I am sticking to it.

I was dreamin’ when I wrote this
Forgive me if it goes astray
But when I woke up this mornin’
Could’ve sworn it was judgment day…

Say, say, 2000-00, party over
Oops, out of time
So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999 (1999/Prince)

On St. Patrick’s day two years ago, I celebrated in my local saloon with friends. There was a full buffet, and we had a great time. The next afternoon, after watching Jeopardy with some of the same group- a daily activity- Governor Pritzker was on the news, fulminating over the various St. Pat’s celebrations. The COVID-19 shutdowns began.

We masked up, social distanced for almost two years, stayed home and followed the protocols and mandates. I usually have a jaded position on Chicago, Cook County, and Illinois elected officials. Chicagoans have a love-hate relationship with our mayors. We hate to love them and love to hate them. But I am fair and believe in giving credit where credit is due.

Mayor Lori Lightfoot and her team led a calm response to the pandemic. They tried to keep the numbers down, hospitals from overflowing, and more importantly, keeping the death toll as low as possible. Working with the Governor and his team, their policies kept most of us alive and as healthy as possible. Public safety and public health are the highest priorities of the government. Lightfoot failed and is still failing on public safety. But she succeeded in the public health arena.

Yes, the mandates were a pain in the ass. No one likes wearing masks, looking like a bandit, and putting up with the discomfort. No, our freedumbs were not inhibited. Freedom has some responsibilities, like keeping ourselves and others safe. I am fortunate to live in a great walking neighborhood, with two large parks bordering the north and south and a plaza. I could go for daily long walks, weather permitting. I met new acquaintances.

Yes, the COVID mandates caused anger in some. TFB. There were times when mandates were worse. People were quarantined in their homes during typhoid, T.B., the so-called Spanish Flu, and other contagions. They were imprisoned. Signs were posted on doors by the Chicago Police Department. There was even an order prohibiting police officers from using the butts of their pistols to nail quarantine signs to the doors.

While our elected officials deserve some credit, the real credit goes to you, the citizens. You followed the mandates. You kept yourselves, families, friends, and the rest of us safe. You deserve a hearty pat on the back. The few freedumb lovers in this city deserve several swift kicks in the ass.

The heroes during the pandemic were essential workers. Cops, firefighters, EMTs, health care professionals and workers, retail workers, cab and rideshare workers, CTA personnel, and a long list of others. They went to work every day providing for us. City workers made sure Chicago stayed the City that Works. They were out daily, keeping things running as smooth as possible. So were the utility companies’ workers.

A shout-out goes to Chicago restaurants and cooks who provided free, or through others, food to health care workers, cops, and fire personnel. Former Mayor Rahm Emanuel showed up at several hospitals, bringing food to the workers. In small or large ways, other people pitched in to ensure the most vulnerable among us had their needs met.

So, now that we are finally free from most mandates and protocols, congratulate yourself, Chicago. You did it. You drove the numbers down to the point we are open, and business is back to nearly normal. We can do the things we missed.

I wrote and edited this a saloon. It is one of the places where I can be away from home, be amongst my so-called fellow humans, and interact or be left the f**k alone.

It ain’t over yet, but the end looks near. We may soon party like it’s 1999.

Someone needs to advise Mayor Lori Lightfoot on her clothing choices as a side note. If you are going to wear an Irish kilt to a parade, learn to wear it properly, you know, lok like you are Irish. My Irish friends and Scots relatives were appalled at her wardrobe at the South Side St. Patrick’s parade.