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Month: August 2021

Time Flies

Image: PV Bella

And just like that, summer is almost over. In a few weeks, autumn will be upon us. This summer blew by like a derecho.  I remember the first day of summer like it was yesterday. Labor Day, the harbinger of Autumn, is right around the corner.

Speaking of Labor Day. It is a day we usually recognize Organized Labor. This year we should expand the celebration to honor all the essential workers who risked their health to keep the rest of us going during the COVID pandemic. Medical professionals and personnel should be singled out for special praise for their heroic round-the-clock labors.

School started Monday. Parents are relieved their children will be out of the house yet concerned that schools may cause further spread of COVID. Their fears are not unfounded since CPS and CTU complicated the return with their petty bickering. No one knows how safe the precautions are.

Football season is nigh, though the Bears are not near and dear to my heart due to the terrible management by the bumbling McCaskey Family. Baseball season will continue until the boys of summer become the boys of fall. The Cubs are being flushed down the toilet. Sunday’s 13-1 loss to the Sox was an embarrassment. The Sox are going into the post-season. Maybe Chicago will see another World Series.

Fall is the time of year when the multi-ingredient coffee aficionados start adding f**cking pumpkin spice to their concoctions. Pumpkin spice will be everywhere and in everything. The stuff is fake, synthetic. It was developed in a lab, not a kitchen. It tastes horrible, but stupid lemmings have no taste. If someone told them they could get high on pumpkin spice, they would snort or shoot it. Someone in Bubbaland will promote pumpkin spice to prevent or cure COVTD. At least it is safer than horse dewormer.

The willingly unvaccinated in Chicago are helping drive up the COVID numbers. Mask wearing, social distancing, and stay the f**k away from me are my mantras again. It could be a long fall and winter if the cases keep rising.

Luckily our elected officials and most of the citizens in Chicago are not freedumb lovers. We do not see the dramatic rise in numbers like parts of Illinois, the South, and Southwest portions of the country.

Handling COVID is the only positive thing Chicago politicians and bureaucrats did during this summer of violence, incompetence, stumbling, and bumbling. The mayor is out of touch, the city council is useless, and parts of the city are turning into third-world type war zones, especially at night.

The leaves will start changing colors, then dropping off. The weather will cool down, and when all is baren, we will prepare for winter. COVID is not going away, and with the fall comes flu season. It is a pity our politicians and public health officials must beg people to get vaccinated. Maybe they could promise people a pumpkin spice non-dairy soy vegan mocha decaf latte made with socially conscious sustainable beans if they get jabbed.

Yeah, winter is coming too. I m hoping the days and weeks slow down. Summer blew by way too fast. I want to enjoy a long mild fall before the blast of winter drives us indoors.

The last man out

Image: US Department of Defense

Major General Chris Donahue was the last soldier to leave Afghanistan after two decades of war. He is not standing at the head or the end of a line of troops. He is not off to the side, watching his troops board the plane. He is alone.

Whether the photo was staged or not, it is powerful. It is a visual remembrance of the end of two decades of war.

There are iconic photographs of war. The naked Vietnamese girl running after a napalm attack or the helicopter atop the US Embassy in Viet Nam. There were powerful photographs from Korea and World War II showing the brutal ugliness of war and the camaraderie of the troops.

US Army Master Sergeant Max Beilke (Ret’d) was photographed and recorded as the last combat soldier to leave Viet Nam. He was killed on 911 at the Pentagon when one of the hijacked planes crashed into the building. Beilke was a civilian working on veteran affairs. The last man out of Viet Nam was one of the casualties that led to the War on Terror in Afghanistan.

Before photography, artists traveled with the troops, drawing and later creating paintings of battles and military life. During WWII, artists were deployed to record daily life on the ground, along with photographers and film artists.

The visual art of American warfare spans almost three centuries. Some of the art reminds us of the ugly brutality of combat. Art may be well crafted but is not always beautiful. War may be honorable and glorious, but there is no beauty.

Written history will determine if the war in Afghanistan was worth the blood, death, treasure, and anguish. The visual images show us the truth. There are probably millions of still and video images from the media, assigned military photographers or videographers, and the troops. There are probably drawings or paintings.

There is no record of the first combat soldier to step into Afghanistan. There is only the last, walking alone onto a plane. A soldier geared for combat, like the first soldier to step foot in that sandbox.

This is no way to run a city

Image: PV Bella

“We are saddened and extremely frustrated by this situation, and we express our sincerest apologies to the impacted families for the inconvenience this has caused — especially with such short notice,” CPS said in a statement.” (Chicago Tribune)  

A school bus shortage will leave approximately 2100 students in Chicago without rides to their schools. According to the Chicago Tribune, 90 bus drivers resigned last week. Parents are scrambling to figure out how to get their children to school. CPS is offering a $1000 stipend for the first two weeks and $500 a month until the issue is resolved. Oh, and they are saddened?  How nice.

How did CPS not see this coming? CPS is another train wreck in this city. They spent time arguing with the teacher’s union over opening schools, ignoring other important issues, like bus drivers. One could wonder who is in charge at CPS? Someone needs to get fired over the lack of bus drivers. This is a national issue and was reported in national news media. How did no one see this as a potential problem and plan for it?

There is a sexual misconduct scandal at the Chicago Park District and a second scandal over the firing of the investigator. It appears no one really cares about it except the victims and some in the news media. #MeToo, anyone?

COVID cases are rising again. Mayor Lori Lightfoot wants to make vaccinations a condition of employment but will not state the consequences for those who refuse to get them. The employee unions are frustrated and confused. Oh, and some of her staff is not vaccinated. Rank has its privileges.

People are getting bills for the 6mph speed cameras, and there is only a short window to pay before the fine doubles or triples. No one believes this is about traffic safety. It is a cash grab, more like highway robbery, just like the parking boxes.

Crime is out of control all over the city. Every plan is failing. Even the so-called “quiet” neighborhoods are plagued by violence. Nowhere is safe. People are getting fed up. Superintendent David Brown was supposed to hold a press conference this morning. Crickets.

The City Council is a fractured warring group of mobs, politely called caucuses, who are better at fighting each other and the mayor than doing their six-figure part-time jobs. They are getting worse than the warring do-nothing United States Congress.

Some in the business community are fed up too. There are daylight street robberies in the Loop along with other crimes. Michigan Avenue is experiencing a spate of major thefts in broad daylight. River North is up for grabs. Businesses will suffer if people do not feel safe coming downtown or other nearby areas, especially at night.

Big business is also looking at these conditions. Some are returning people to the workplace. They are questioning if the city can keep their employees safe. It is a double whammy, COVID, and physical safety.

The problems keep adding up and no one has solutions. We get no answers from the people in charge. It appears the people responsible are either inept or do not care. Citizens are questioning who is in charge of Chicago.

Lightfoot lost the Police Department, many if not most of the teachers, and other city employees who provide services. She has few people to turn to and whatever advice she is getting is bad. She is marching down the road of righteousness. She is right and everyone else is wrong.

The past year and a half have been one thing after another. When the mayor gets called out, she plays the race card or some other card and walks away. Many in the news media no longer trust her or her spokespeople. Why would they?

This is no way to run a city. Lightfoot’s popularity is plunging. People are fed up. As bad as some of the past mayors were, they had a handle on things. Very little got past them. When serious issues or scandals arose, heads rolled. There were no sacred cows.

Lightfoot is short on goodwill and long on flimsy excuses. It can’t last. Chicago is being run into the ground. Many of the alderpersons do not care, just look at the conditions in their wards.

The 150th Anniversary of the Great Chicago Fire is around the corner. Chicago has another historic smoldering fire, and its epicenter is the fifth floor of City Hall.

Don’t go out at night

Image: PV Bella

This was updated. I found a video to download and it runs faster. See below.

Downtown Chicago used to be safe at night. From the Loop to River North, Gold Coast, and beyond, you could walk down State Street or Michigan Avenue in relative safety. You could even walk on the lakefront until closing hour.

The street lights, store windows, neon, and other attractions lent a romatintic atmosphere. The crowds were gone. People were out enjoying themselves. You could go to the movies, walk to dinner, then just wak. Maybe you would stop into a watering hole for a drink, or two or three. There were clubs with all kinds of entertainment.

During the Christmas season, there was a festive air. Christmas lights, street decorations, store window decorations, and Sal Army Santas ringing their bells. There was a festive athmosphere. People were in a happier mood.

No more.

Criminals own the night. Bands of violent criminals attack, and brutalize people for no reason, or violently rob them. No one steps in to stop them. No one steps in to help.

The video below shows two men attacked, brutally beaten, and robbed on the 400 block of Noth State Street.

For over four minutes,, two men were robbed and brutalized while bystanders shot phone videos, celebrated, danced, and twerked. Motorists kept driving by, trying to avoid hitting anyone.

Nowhere is safe in this Mad Max era of Chicago. Michigan Avenue, River North, and the Gold Coast, are no longer safe at night. The romance and festivity turned into a nightmare. Even the parking lots are not safe.

People used to be able to go out to dinner, walk, stop in one or two places for a late-night drink or two or three. There are clubs for entertainment. Now, people are the entertainment for criminals and their bystander fans.

Downtown, North and South Michigan Avenue and River North turned into violent crime-ridden areas. There are roving bands of robbers, thieves, groups wilding, and other violent actors. Even during the day, bands of thieves invade designer stores, stealing thousands or tens of thousands of dollars worth of merchandise. They will pummel anyone who tries to stop them.

Nighttime is the worst. The night is when there is no value for human life. The night is when you are most vulnerable. The night is when you could be beaten, shot, wounded, or killed. Areas once known for safety are now dangerous.

The revitalized gem, Grant Park turned into a staging ground for wildings, groups of young people running amok, terrorizing the area because they can. The Magnificent Mile is no longer magnificent. River North and River West are dangerous. The night turns these neighborhoods into the Wild West.

It is a pity our city came to this. The places we should be proud of are turning into violent,, crime-ridden battlegrounds at night. This criminality is not new and has been building up over the past few years. It started to get worse last year and is worsening this year.

The alderpersons representing the wards are complaining. Their complaints land on deaf ears. One alderperson was the victim of a battery while waiting for friends outside of a restaurant. Mayor Lightfoot is trying to please everyone and is pleasing no one. The citizens, news media, and City Council cannot figure out what she is doing.

Thanks to City Hall, an incompetent Superintendent of Police, a State’s Attorney who cares more about coddling criminals than prosecutions, and a court system that enables a revolving door of catch and release, the Loop, Mag Mile, and River North went from being attractive, safe places to visit or walk around to places to fear.

Nowhere is safe at night in those areas. The criminals know there are cameras all over the place. They do not care. They do not fear arrest or imprisonment if, by fat chance, they are prosecuted. This is not just criminality. It is a culture of violence. Violence is acceptable and expected behavior.

Criminals are waging war. There is no rhyme or reason for their actions. They do it because they can. They do it because they want to. They do it for fun. They do it because no one will stop them. They do it because they know there will be no consequences.

Don’t go out at night.

Lori Lightfoot Comes Clean

Image: City of Chicago

“Lightfoot doubled down saying that it will be a condition of employment, making it clear that she will require all city workers to be fully vaccinated by October 15 or they will be fired…. 

“Let’s be clear. We always want to engage with our unions on any issue that’s going to affect their members, and certainly their workplace, but it’s a condition of employment,” Lightfoot said.” (abc 7

Once again, Mayor Lori Lightfoot shot herself in the foot, making the COVID vaccine a “condition of employment” while still negotiating with the public employee unions. What is she negotiating?

She threw down the gauntlet. She threw out the perception that employees could be fired for refusing to be vaccinated. Perception is the reality in today’s world. The unions must be fuming.

Unlike the private sector, public employees, except exempt appointees, are not at-will employees. They can only be fired for just cause. They have due process rights. Even the perception of termination will blow up whatever negotiations she is in with the unions.

There should be no argument. Every city employee should be vaccinated unless there are health issues. Very few religions prohibit vaccinations. Yet, members of her staff are not vaccinated. That is not leading by example. Every appointed member of her staff not vaccinated should be fired immediately. That would be leading by example.

Image: City of Chicago

There are better ways to enforce vaccinations. Employees could be put on unpaid administrative leave until they get vaccinated. Making vaccinations a condition of employment means she can and probably will try to fire employees to set an example for others. That might be one legal battle she will lose.

Once again, Lightfoot is doubling down on being right. Her hardheaded stubbornness is losing the confidence of city employees. This will not end well. The vaccine mandate should have been negotiated while the vaccines were developed. This is not a mandate. It is an edict. Obey or else. 

Her arch nemesis, Toni Preckwinkle, is chuckling. Her political machine is well-oiled, firing on all cylinders, and ready to run a candidate worse than Lightfoot. The dumb voters in Chicago who believe Preckwinkle is a reformer will follow her off a cliff. The city will become a catastrophe.

Lori Lightfoot made one wrong decision after another on too many issues. She handled the pandemic well until this point. I do not know who is giving her legal advice, but they are not the best or the brightest.

Lightfoot is turning into a disaster of her own making. So far, there is not a peep from the alderpersons. Some may weigh in today or Monday. They must be furious, as they rely on many city employees to provide services in their wards.

Lightfoot’s my way, or the highway style of management is failing. The voters see it, contenders see it, and the unions see it. She is an elected official, not an imperial monarch. She cannot issue edicts without sound legal standing or defined consequences. She is an attorney and should know better.

There is not much to salvage from Lightfoot’s numerous mishaps. The city is a junkyard full of Lightfoot’s wreckages, including rampant citywide violent crime. Maybe Lincoln Towing should step in to tow them all away.

Another Fine Mess Lori

Image: City of Chicago

Mayor Lori Lightfoot announced the City of Chicago would be mandating COVID vaccinations for all city employees. There will be religious and health exemptions on a case-by-case basis. The deadline for vaccinations is October 15th. She said she is in negotiations with municipal employee unions over the implementation. It is not clear how the city will handle unvaccinated employees.

The police unions threaten legal action if the mandates go into while negotiating with City Hall. Other unions issued statements encouraging vaccinations and their concerns about the execution of the mandate. Their concerns are with the consequences. Will the city place employees into no pay status if they refuse vaccinations? They are willing to negotiate the issue.

The city of Chicago has over thirty thousand employees. Like the police, fire, EMTs, and people working in various city agencies, many are in close contact with the public. They are also in close contact with each other. From public safety and public health standpoints, it makes sense to mandate employees be vaccinated.

Contrary to freedumb lovers, vaccinations are safe and effective. If there is a breakthrough infection, the symptoms are not as life-threatening in most cases. It is extremely rare for vaccines to cause serious side effects in healthy people.

Very few religions in America are against vaccinations. Most recognize the vaccines are necessary or do not contain forbidden substances. The ones against vaccinations are freedumb death cults, trying to get as many people to “eternal life” as fast as possible. God-fearing preachers do not lead them. Scam artist heretics do. Even the cherished bible they thump has a passage mandating face covering and distancing to avoid people from spreading disease. (Leviticus 13:45-46)

Keeping people safe and healthy is plain common sense. Most legal experts agree that taking the city to court over the mandate will be futile. The exception may be the consequences of the mandate. The city should be clear about what the ramifications will be for the willingly unvaccinated.  Will they be forced to use vacation time, put on unpaid status, suspended, or fired? This is the issue of concern with most public employee unions.

Once again, Mayor Lightfoot created a mess she cannot get out of. Her administration is a train wreck. She did fine with the mask and distancing mandates, getting vaccinations for us, and keeping the citizens informed about COVID. Her actions drove the numbers down. The current rise is due to irresponsible people.

She let the rest of the city go to hell in a handbasket. Now, she dug herself a deeper hole with the public employee unions. Add to that her failure to curb the violence in Chicago, and she is staring down a single term.

It is a pity, a candidate who carried 49 out of 50 wards is losing the voters’ confidence. She lost the news media and many of the aldermen. She has few friends or even frenemies in politics. Politics is supposed to be the art o making friends, frenemies, and influencing people.

So much potential was wasted because it is more important for Lightfoot to be right than be clear on her objectives.

Save the Leprechaun

Image: By University of Notre Dame Brand Standards, Fair use.

The Fighting Irish mascot came under fire in 2018 when ESPN’s Max Kellerman called on Notre Dame to do away with the leprechaun as Cleveland’s major league baseball team did with its mascot, Chief Wahoo. .. “Should that also change? The answer is yes. Unequivocally yes. Pernicious, negative stereotypes of marginalized people that offend, even some among them, should be changed.”

I believe the Irish would be more offended by being referred to as marginalized than “The Fighting Irish” depicted by a leprechaun in a boxing pose. The Irish have a sense of humor and who they are. Maybe Max Kellerman should interview many Irish people instead of believing. That is what real journalists do before flapping their soup coolers.

Having been around Irish Catholics all my life and working with them on the Chicago Police Department, I can assure people, Irish Catholics are not easily offended and do not consider themselves marginalized. There would be too many people walking around Chicago with a mouse,* broken noses, or other injuries if they were offended.

Just when you thought sports “journalism” woketivism could not get worse, it finally headed down the sewer. A recent survey by a sports apparel company, Quality Logo Products, rated the Fighting Irish logo, a caricature of a leprechaun, as the fourth most offensive football team logo, citing cultural appropriation and some other nonsense participants found offensive.

The survey polled over 1200 people. The small sample proves surveys are voodoo science. Evidently, the pollsters did not research the history of the term “Fighting Irish” or the logo and its comedic variations. History, like humor, has no place in woketivism. They probably did not get too many Irish to participate either.

What next, the Lucky Charms™ leprechaun logo? These woketivists are probably the same non-Irish people who dress up in fake cartoonish Irish garb, green face paint and spend all of St. Patrick’s Day, night, or weekend, drinking and puking their way through fake Irish pubs. You know, cultural appropriation?

Notre Dame was founded in November 1842 by Rev. Edward F. Sorin, C.S.C., a priest of the Congregation of Holy Cross, a French missionary order…. A man of lively imagination, Father Sorin named his fledgling school in honor of Our Lady in his native tongue, “L’Université de Notre Dame du Lac” (The University of Our Lady of the Lake). On January 15, 1844, the University was thus officially chartered by the Indiana legislature.”(University of Notre Dame)

How did a school started by French clerics, named after “Our Lady” (Mother of Christ), name their sports teams “The Fighting Irish?” Shouldn’t they have named the team the Feckless French?

“Notre Dame said its nickname, Fighting Irish, began as a term used by other schools to mock its athletic teams. At the time, anti-Catholicism and anti-immigrant sentiments were strong. Because Notre Dame was largely populated by ethnic Catholics – mostly Irish, but also Germans, Italians and Poles – the university was a natural target for ethnic slurs, it said. At one football game in 1899, Northwestern students chanted “Kill the Fighting Irish,” Notre Dame said.” (NYP)

At the time, Northwestern University was anti-Catholic and anti-Semitic. There are no wokists to demand apologies or destruction of monuments. Northwestern is one of the main producers of wokisits today.

The football team gained national prominence in the early 1900s. Sports journalists began to use the phrase, “fighting Irish.” “Soon, Notre Dame supporters took it up, turning what once was an epithet into an ‘in-your-face’ expression of triumph.” (University of Notre Dame)

University President, Father Matthew Walsh, of Irish descent, adopted the Fighting Irish name in 1927. As for the leprechaun, it is an intentional caricature depicting the Fighting Irish.

There is no large protest by the nation’s Irish or people in Ireland to change the nickname and logo. The only protests are from a small group of wokists who took the survey and a few interviews with members of the woke public. And, of course, ESPN’s Max Kellerman.

Yet, this issue is gaining traction in the news. The New York Post has a story and editorial piece on it. So does the Irish Times. Both do not support the wokists. Others reported on the issue, with a few interviews but no opinion.

All I can say is cowboy the f**k up wokists. Put your big girl and big boy pants on. If you are not Irish, you have no business sticking your St. Paddy’s Day drunken nose into this. If the Irish were offended, you would know it. By the way, Chicago and other areas Irish are the biggest fan base of the “Fighting Irish. Case f**king closed.

*Mouse is Chicagoese for a black eye.

Stop Talking and Do Something

Image: PV Bella

When I was a young boy, we played cops and robbers. We chased each other through the neighborhood, shooting toy guns, sometimes cap guns. I still remember the smell of the smoke from paper caps.

Today, in Chicago, people play with real guns. They run around neighborhoods spraying bullets. The violence in Chicago is out of control. Every neighborhood is affected by it. Nowhere is safe.

Chicago is like the mythical wild west. You could be run down by a fleeing felon or randomly shot and killed. It does not matter where you live. Supposed quiet neighborhoods like mine are turning into shooting galleries.

Giddings Plaza is a pleasant place to hang out, sit, think, and work. You occasionally meet interesting people. The plaza has park benches and chairs that one of the regulars found and brought there. People sit with laptops or dine out at the two restaurants on each side. Some bring food from other places to eat. Parents bring their small children to run around, climb the decorative German light pole, or draw with sidewalk chalk. Musicians and other entertainers put on shows.

I usually go there daily, weather permitting. It is my outdoor office. As I walked there yesterday, I heard a news report about traffic being backed up just north of the plaza due to police activity. 

I arrived at the plaza and saw yellow and red crime scene tape. Red tape is used for serious incidents, especially crimes of violence. There was a car that crashed into the corner of a building at the crime scene.

I initially found out that the car was used in a shooting, and two alleged offenders fled. One ran through a restaurant where several police officers were eating. They chased him down the street, capturing him. The other alleged offender ran in a different direction and got away.

I later found out that the shooting was about a half-mile away. The car, a Porsche SUV, was involved. They were fleeing, lost control of the car, and crashed. A vehicle matching that description was involved in several recent shots fired calls in the area.

Guns and drugs were found in the vehicle, and charges are pending against the one arrestee. The details of the incident were not clear. Two versions were and still are being given. One, a FedEx driver, was shot and wounded. The other, a motorist, was shot and wounded in the arm. The victim went to a local hospital for treatment.

This could have turned into a tragedy. Small children play in the plaza as well as people like me, who hang out there. The driver of that car could have struck any of us when he lost control. Like many other places in Chicago this summer, it could have turned into a mass shooting.

I watched things play out, as I did for almost thirty years on the Chicago Police Department. The detectives showed up, canvassing the area. Forensics processed the car. After a while, things returned to normal. Except, in this summer of rampant citywide violence, there is no normal.

There is no safe place in Chicago. Not even a pleasant plaza in what is described as a quiet neighborhood. Anyone can be a victim. There were several recent calls of shots fired in the general area over the past week or so. Three people were shot in the area this year.

The mayor claims the violence is a public health issue, a term local and national politicians use when they have no answers. Others claim the root causes of crime, poverty, gangs, drugs, and guns are the issue. No more. The weasel words must stop. This is a political and tactical problem. The problem lands squarely on Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s and Superintendent David Brown’s desk. They must stop talking and do something.

It was fortunate the alleged offender did not hit or run over people in the plaza. It was pure luck he was not some wild-eyed shooter, spraying bullets as he tried to run away. How long can fortune and luck hold out in this summer of violence, bloodshed, and death?

COVID is Not a War

Image: PV Bella

“Therefore, I shall ask God mercifully to protect us. Then I shall fumigate, help purify the air, administer medicine, and take it. I shall avoid places and persons where my presence is not needed in order not to become contaminated and thus perchance infect and pollute others, and so cause their death as a result of my negligence. … (Martin Luther/1527 treatise)

Martin Luther wrote the above almost 500 years ago during an outbreak of bubonic plague. There was no germ theory, pharmaceutical research, or vaccines. Medical practices were primitive by today’s standards. Yet, Luther knew to take precautions to protect himself and others.

America loves winners. Sometimes we love losers. We love to fight and turn everything into a fight or a war on whatever. Americans love fear-mongering and trust fear-mongering politicians and “journalists.”

We have been “fighting” the COVID-19 pandemic for over a year and a half. The news media uses terms like fighting, war, beating, or battling. So do our unlovable elected officials.

The pandemic wreaked political, economic, emotional, and physical havoc throughout the country. People suffered and are still suffering from the aftereffects of COVID. People mourned the deaths of their loved ones. Commerce and industry, especially small businesses, suffered. All of us made sacrifices to win this “war.”

Now, medical experts, including Dr. Fauci, are claiming there may be no end in sight. The War on COVID may be a perpetual war for at least another year. Economists are making dire predictions. Politicians are shaking in their boots. Their “jobs” are on the line, as they should be. We are wondering when it will be safe. When will it be normal?

Pandemics are not wars or battles. We do not fight them. There is no glory in the march to normalcy. No generals are sending military personnel off to die in glory. No medals are given to the frontline workers or troops, as some refer to them. There will be no grand parades, stump speeches, or memorial works of public art bestowed upon the “heroes.”

Pandemics are not political. They do not identify with political parties or ideologies. They are not economic. They are diseases. They run their own course. They mutate into variants. It is called nature or science. Even God, if you are a believer, can do nothing about them. Nature has been trying to kill us off since the Great Comedian put humans on this planet. Nature is His joke on us.

People need to get real. Almost five hundred years ago, people knew to protect themselves, taking common-sense precautions. They also knew they were responsible for caring for others. They did not rebel, refuse, protest, or try to overthrow their leaders.

It is past time for the politicians and news media to stop with the weasel words. The weak-kneed worriers should cowboy up instead of hoarding Depends™. We had enough panic generated from them and the news media. In plain simple English, what is needed now is calm assurance and truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Can the flowery speeches or fear-mongering written by public relations, political communications, and news media weasels.

We do not pick and choose who gets sick. The virus does. We can only pick and choose to take measures to protect ourselves and others. Wear masks, distance from others, avoid large public gatherings, get vaccinated. It really is just that simple.

TimeOut Chicago is the Idiots Guide to Nowhere

Image: PV Bella

“Don’t be a jagoff! Brush up on all of the essential Chicago lingo with our helpful dictionary.” (TimeOut Chicago)

Speaking of jagoffs, TimeOut Chicago should give the solo flyers who write for them a time out in dark corners with dunce hats. The “editors” put together a piece, “20 slang words that every Chicagoan should know.” Originally published in March 2020, they shared it on their Facebook page the other day.

It is pure garbage for the most part. I would grade it a D- and send the little jagoffs off to detention. 

If you want to learn anything about Chicago, do not read TimeOut Chicago or Chicago Magazine, for that matter. They are not the definitive go-to publications for anything Chicago. They really should remove Chicago from the mastheads and replace it with “The Idiot’s Guide to Nothing and Nowhere.”

Slang: n- a type of language that consists of words and phrases that are regarded as very informal, are more common in speech than writing, and are typically restricted to a particular context or group of people. Ex. Dope(s) is slang for TimeOut Chicago editors. 

Most of what they describe as local “lingo” or slang is not. A little research would dig up real Chicago slang. The little onanists probably used picture books, like the Kama Sutra, for research while coloring them with their boxes of crayolas. They got a little extra tingle when they sniffed the box. 

Bungalows are not single-story homes with slanted roofs. The bungalow is a specific architectural design that can be one or two stories. Bungalow roofs are not just slanted. They have different shapes, unlike the brains of the self-abusing TimeOut editors.

Chicago Mix® was a registered brand name of caramel corn, not a slang term.

Pedway has a formal definition. It is not slang. It is a generally accepted portmanteau. Pedways are over, or underground pedestrian walkways are found all over the world. Pedways are not only found in Chicago. They are not part of the local lingo, contrary to what the little wankers at TimeOut Chicago believe.

A coach house is not a small apartment located in the rear of a property. It is a small or large house, usually the original home, on the property. It is a f**kinhouse, not an apartment unless it is above a garage that used to be a barn or stable. The editors must have come up with this during a circle jerk.

Chicago handshake? I never heard of that drink. The Chicago handshake is a warm greeting a close friend or “associate” gives before he kills you, per the Mob’s orders. They have not killed anyone in a long time.

The El is called the L now and has been for over two years. Update your style manual.

Mild sauce is not slang. It is the name of a sauce. Geez, are soy, tomato, bearnaise, and pesto sauces are slang too?

Jagoff is not only a term of derision. It is also a friendly term, like when laughing with a pal, you say, “You really are a jagoff.” When discussing TimeOut Chicago, I always refer to them as those jagoffs.

Every time the wankers at TimeOut Chicago write something about Chicago, they get it wrong. The problem is their readership is made up of gullible people dumber than the editors. They believe the nonsense. Maybe the editors at TimeOut Chicago should spend less time under their blankets, humming, and more time doing real research.

If you really want. To learn Chicago lingo, here ya go.