Author: pvbella

Today is the anniversary of Chicago’s incorporation as a city in 1837. In honor of this day, I am republishing this piece.

Ode to the Voice of Chicago.

Congenital mutant muppets who come to Chicago from someplace else, speaking the King’s English, think and posit the Chicago accent is the worst in the country. They forget we kicked the King’s ass out of America and his oh-so-proper Brit Twit language.

The Chicago accent is a voice.

It is a strong voice.

It is a proud voice.

It is the voice of all the immigrants and races who settled here.

It is the voice of the neighborhoods.

It is the voice of the streets, sidewalks, streets, stoops, playgrounds, athletic fields, and stadiums.

It is the voice of the cigar chompers.

It is the voice of the factory workers.

It is the voice of the blue-collar workers, laborers, ditch diggers, hod carriers, and other tradespeople.

It is the voice of the cops, firefighters, and paramedics.

It is the voice of the neighborhood saloon, bar, pub, tavern.

It is the voice of shot and beer drinkers.

It is the voice of mayors and aldermen.

It is the voice of the people working hard to survive.

It is the voice of the steel mills.

It is the voice of the small grocers, bakers, hot dog vendors, deli owners, and butchers.

It is the voice of the afternoon and midnight shifts.

It is the voice of the cab driver.

It is the voice of the smelt fishermen.

It is the voice of the bleacher bums.

It is the voice of sixteen-inch softball players.

It is the voice of the horseshoe pits.

It is the voice of our grandfathers and fathers.

It is the voice of the horseplayers, craps players, poker players, and other gamblers.

It is the voice of people with callouses on their hands and dirt under their nails.

It is the voice of the tired, who toil to earn a meager living.

It is the voice celebrated in Chicago literature by Nelson Algren, James T. Farrell, and Saul Bellow.

It is the voice of artists and musicians.

It is the voice of professionals who grew up in this city.

It is the voice of the voiceless.

It is the immigrant voice- “The door open please, so out go I.”

The Chicago accent is not just one voice.

It is the voice of many.

It is a chorus, rich and melodic.

It is Chicaga, the frunch room, the stoop, cuz, da, dees, dem, doz, dat, dere, udder.

It is words like wanna, hafta, woncha, gotta, gonna, outta.

It is ged, goin, gimme, didja, couldya wouldja, canya, tellya, sez, and scrooten.

It is aks, gid, and wit.

It is teefs, hoors, yoots.

It adds an s to the pronouns and titles like yous, Field’s, and Jewel’s.

It is the sout side and nort side or souf side and norf side.

It is da old neighborhood.

There are goofs, mooks, mamelukes, chumbalones, jamokes, and Mickey da Mopes.

There are sanguiches, samiches, and strimps.

It is pop, not soda.

It is the icebox, not the refrigerator.

It is the voice of dat guy. You know dat guy. Not dat guy, the udder guy, da guy dat does doz tings. Da guy who never has to be aksed to do sumptin for udder people.

The Chicago voice is us.

Thou shalt not insult the voice of the people of Chicago. Do so at your peril. Our voices will rise against ya. We will strike back atcha cuz dat’s what we gotta do.

By the way, Chicago dialect is the voice of a Columbia-educated Harvard Law School graduate who became a United States president, Barrack Obama.

Case fucking closed.

Now, we suddenly seeing a dozen or more
Sailing in the clear blue sky
The time has come when pigs fly
Yeah, it’s a beautiful thing
                                           When pigs fly (Michael Ford / Sandra Boynton)

An adynaton is a way of expressing something that will never happen. There are exceptions to everything. And two of the most common adynatons occurred on the same day. Pigs flew. Hell froze over.

Democratic warlord and ruler Mike “the Crypt Keeper” Madigan was indicted by the Feds with  22 counts of alleged crimes. The indictment alleges Madigan participated in an array of bribery and extortion schemes from 2011 to 2019 aimed at using the power of his office for personal gain.

“In his written statement Wednesday, Madigan said he never engaged in any criminal activity and that prosecutors were “attempting to criminalize” legal political actions such as job recommendations.” (Chicago Tribune)

Does Madigan’s statement sound familiar? Former governor and ex-felon Rod Blagojevich used the same defense when indicted and convicted for similar offenses. Blagojevich received a 14-year prison. Blago served 8 years until his sentence was commuted by former President Donald Trump.

Until his resignation last year, Madigan held office in Springfield since 1971. He was also the longest-serving Speaker of a legislature in the nation. Madigan was the most powerful politician in Illinois. He was the de facto governor. It made no difference which party held the governorship. Madigan ruled Illinois, his congressional district, and the 13^th Ward with a “velvet hammer.”

Mike Madigan was described as the “Khan of Madiganistan” by columnist John Kass. A khan is a ruler who either, through power or threats, makes alliances with others or ruthlessly destroys them to become the omnipotent leader.

It appears Mike Madigan committed a political mortal sin. He violated the 11^th Commandment, “Thou shalt not get caught.” Madigan is now in the same position as another long-time powerful Chicago politician, Alderman Ed “the Big Tuna” Burke. If convicted and sentenced, they could be cellmates in federal prison. They could compare notes on how they vanquished their enemies or about the schemes and shenanigans they committed to hold power and enrich themselves

It used to be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for an ultra-powerful Illinois or Chicago politician to enter the kingdom of the Feds. Now, two of the most powerful await their fate.

Except for his family and some of his subjects, no one is shedding any tears over Madigan’s indictment. There is no empathy or sympathy. For many in Chicago and Illinois, the feeling is it took too long to nail him. There is only a sigh of relief. Finally, we are free of Madigan’s merciless cold iron death grip.

The mighty khan fell. Madigan’s throne crumbled. His fiefdom, Madiganistan, is in ashes. He is just another geezer awaiting his fate.

For the ill-informed, the Holy Feds do not seek indicts of people like Madigan or Burke unless they know there is a higher than 50% chance they will prevail at trial. If the stories about the investigations into Madigan and Burke are accurate, including wiretaps and cooperators, the Feds have way more than they need.

The Terrible Twins are toast. It is better to stick to the smaller stuff in corrupt Chicago politics. The saying is, “Pigs get fat. Hogs get slaughtered.” Madigan will get slaughtered then roasted over the slow spit of a federal trial. Instead of the stench of corruption, there will be the aroma of low and slow cooking porcine.

MARCH 
I Martius am!  Once first, and now the third!
  To lead the Year was my appointed place;
A mortal dispossessed me by a word,
  And set there Janus with the double face.
Hence I make war on all the human race;
  I shake the cities with my hurricanes;
I flood the rivers and their banks efface,
  And drown the farms and hamlets with my rains. (Poet’s Calendar/Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

March is named for Mars, the Roman God of war. It is the month spring begins.

Military campaigns resumed in March. On March 1^st, we witnessed the Ukraine Spring, a nation rising to fight and die for its independence and freedom against Russia.

Russia is making an unprovoked war on Ukraine. Russia is shaking cities with her bombs missiles. Russia is flooding Ukraine with her tanks and artillery. Russia is trying to drown Ukraine by raining unconscionable terror in Ukraine.

The situation in Ukraine is heartbreaking. Civilians are arming themselves and fighting for their freedom. Over 600,000 people fled the country. Children say goodbye to their fathers, not knowing if they will see them again. The Ukrainian people are fighting and dying to stay free.

Watching this horror unfold over the past few days, witnessing the bravery of ordinary citizens willing to die for their freedom, I cannot believe that freedumb lovers in this country fought COVID mandates, masks, and vaccinations for two years. I can’t believe that freedumb loving elected officials fought so hard against common-sense precautions. As WC Fields said, “Common sense, the sense horses have that keeps them from betting on humans.” Freedumb lovers have no common sense. They have no sense at all.

Those same freedumb lovers celebrate the end of the mandates, as COVID abates. They are claiming victory over their senselessness, ignorance, and foolishness.

If these people were in Ukraine, they would be cowering, some weeping while clinging to their firearms like Teddy Bears. Many would be running for their lives to seek freedumb instead of standing tall for freedom.

Less-ons (Lower than morons) fight for freedumb, a ridiculous battle against inconvenience. It is more important for freedumb lovers to be right than intelligent.

In Chicago, people are expressing solidarity with Ukraine. Hundreds showed up at a demonstration on Sunday in the Ukrainian Village neighborhood. People on social media post Ukrainian flags, express dismay, and share news pieces about the conflict.

These same people from all walks of life, races, and ethnicities are silent on Chicago’s bloodshed, violence, and terror. Hundreds do not show up anywhere to demonstrate their anger at our city and county governments endorsing and enabling terror.

Spring is Nigh. Warm weather is on the way. So is the yearly spring offensive by our violent criminals. There will be more bloodshed and terror on our streets. Like the past two years, little will be done to curb the terror or hold violent criminals accountable.

Criminals know there will be no mass resistance against their terrorism. They know they will be released back to the streets to commit more violence and terror. If you deface the Bean, you will be held on a high bond. Violent criminals are caught and released on low or no bail. Many are put on the failing electronic monitoring system.

Today is March 1^st, the start of Spring. Will Chicagoans suffer through another season of terror? Or, will they wake up from their apathetic somnolence to demand elected officials do their jobs to keep the public safe?

Or, will they sit back in apathy, fretting, showing outrage, and protesting about issues in other places? The unprovoked terrorism afflicting Ukraine is horrible. All we can do is condemn it. The terrorism in our city is awful. We can do something- act out and act up to curb it.

The choice is yours. Sit on your couch or at your desk kvetch about Ukraine or other issues in the country or world. Or,  get up off your lazy, apathetic asses and do something about the terror here in Chicago.

Ukrainians are fighting for their lives and their freedom. Will Chicago fight for their safety?

What will you do?

Help Wanted: Due to a shortage of workers, our famed circus is hiring clowns. Since so many went or are going into politics, we desperately need new talent. Like politics, no experience or intellectual ability is necessary. (The Effing Circus Troupe)

I received an email from a reader asking why do I “hate” politicians. I do not hate people (With a few exceptions). Hatred infers evil malevolence.

I despise politicians for what they do and, worse, neglect to do, or refuse to do. I believe in getting value for money. Since my tax dollars pay their salaries, I want them to do their jobs. They are servants and peons. They deserve to be treated as such, with our boots on their necks. Instead, they have their boots on our necks. They treat us like serfs and peons, and we let them.

 Politicians do things arse backward. They are always looking for solutions to create problems for them. When they are not doing that, they do very little., except talk They talk a big game, starting culture and societal wars to show they are down with whatever causes are the flavor of the month. They toss out red meat for the ignorant voters in this nation of uneducated, backwoods, bark chewing, peckerheads. They make you believe they are of the people when nothing is further from the truth.

The situation in Ukraine is a perfect example. Politicians, here and abroad, did little to stop Putin from invading. All they did was talk a good game. Talk, talk, talk- they call it diplomacy. They danced with Putin until he invaded. Then, they danced around him. They did not realize while they thought they were dancing with a clumsy bear, Putin was en pointe and performing jetes and plies all around them.

World politicians, including our own, did nothing when Putin annexed Crimea, except speechify. Talk, talk, and more talk- that good ole down home diplomacy. Their oral skills put prostitutes to shame.

When Putin sends his assassins to other countries to murder dissidents, the politicians do nothing except have circle-jerk gabfests. They, including ours, will not provoke this new Hitler. We are supposed to study history, so it does not repeat itself. Well, Putin has been repeating history. He dusted off Hitler’s playbook and put it into motion.

Like when Hitler invaded Poland, the world politicians are talking instead of doing. No one came to rescue Poland in 1939. Polish cavalry fought German tanks on horseback.

Politicians trying to save Ukraine are a day late and a dollar short. They should have been sending arms and materiel when Putin was just making threats. International political cowardice was on display, including in the United States.

Suppose Putin decided we robbed Russia when we purchased Alaska. What if he claimed it was still part of Mother Russia and threatened to take it back. All the international politicians, including our homegrown potato heads, would gossip like proverbial women at the well. They would flap their soup coolers until he invaded the islands around the state to set up bases of operation before invading the mainland. Then, they would still yakety-yak until and while he invaded the mainland. Blowing steam. Sarah Palin would be able to see Russia in her front yard.

Here in Chicago, our politicians mastered the art of talkative idleness. They are part-time employees, by definition. They receive six-figure salaries with Rolls Royce perks and benefits. They do little for what we pay them, except gab. The same holds for our useless Cook County elected officials. The only hard work politicians do is continually campaign and fundraise. Some do toil long and hard, stealing from the cookie jar. No one will rescue Chicago.

So, yeah, I despise politicians. I am an equal opportunity despiser in this age of equity and wokism. I despise Democrats, Republicans, Conservatives, Liberals, Progressives, and extremists on both ends of the political spectrum. I despise them, their platforms, idiotologies, and the voters who worship their idiotlogies with cult-like ardor.

To be truthful, I would rather see clowns and comedians run for public office. At least they can entertain us, earning the salaries we pay them for doing nothing else.

A former comedian is the leader of Ukraine, and he is doing one hell of a job.

On this day, in 1978, I walked into the Chicago Police Academy, beginning a career that would change my life. Policing is an identity profession like lawyers, doctors, nurses, etc. Even today after almost fifteen years of retirement, I still consider myself a police officer.

After six months of the academy, I hit the street on a hot, muggy summer day. I was sent to the 010 District which was composed of the Lawndale/Little Village/Heart of Chicago neighborhoods. I spent another six months learning the ropes and how to survive the streets in one of the busiest and most dangerous areas of the city. Every day was an adventure, sometimes hair raising, occasionally humorous.

I spent over nine years in that district. I worked a few years in the adjacent district until I went to Forensics. Between being in Patrol and Forensics, I saw it all. The good, bad, and the ugly. I witnessed the evil cruelty humans inflict on each other, things I would not wish on my worst enemies (With some exceptions). If it did not suck, we did not do it, and we did it all. The list of things we did every day was long and never-ending. There are not enough racks for all the hats we wore.

I learned something new almost every day. When you think you know everything, you are wrong. Knowledge is power. Police officers cannot afford to be weak. Complacency is the worst enemy of emergency responders. Complacency can get you in trouble, injured, or killed. Complacency is being too big for your britches, or as my departed father would say, farting higher than your ass.

I met all kinds of people. Honest and corrupt politicians, Chicago Outfit members, members of Chicago’s sports teams, a few celebrities before they became famous, and others from all walks of life.

I arrested Moses, Mahalia Jackson, and Jesus. Those were the names they gave and were born with. I almost shot and killed Moses. There were a lot of people named Jesus- black and Hispanic. Not one claimed to be my personal savior.

I earned the equivalent of a PhD. in Applied Psychology. When dealing with the public, you need to be creative and glib of tongue. You can never tell them there is nothing you can do. So, you think fast, improvise, adapt, overcome, and go on to the next assignment. Sometimes people are angry at you for the bad decisions they made. You must convince them of the errors of their ways.

I witnessed the social and personal destruction multigenerational poverty had on people. I saw how gangs and drugs devastated communities. I saw more dead bodies than anyone should ever see. I witnessed the grief and sorrow of the victim’s families. I witnessed other horrible crimes against the most vulnerable in society. Children, the elderly, young people, and those considered at-risk people.

There is a saying that is apt and applies to cops, firefighters, and EMTs- “My mind never forgets what my eyes have seen.” (Attributed to Dave Parnell/Detroit FD) Every now and again, I relive some of the horrible things I witnessed. I consider it a reminder that all the s**t talking about Chicago values and morals is a load of horse manure.

When I read about some horrific crime, I never ask how could this happen. I already know. Evil walks among us. If I wrote a book, there would be chapters cut out. They would not be fit for adult human consumption.

I will always love my extended police family, my brother, sisters, and now sons, daughters, and grandchildren, who wear the uniform. I will never forget the sacrifices we made, and they make every single day. I will never ever forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice, whose lives were taken. Never ever is a long, long f**king time.

I was proud to serve. I have no regrets. All good things must come to an end. One day I was getting ready to leave for work. I went to kiss my daughter goodnight. As I walked out of the room, she said, “I love you, dad.” I knew then the end was near. I retired almost fifteen years ago. As we cops say, “I don’t miss the circus. I miss the clowns.”

These defendants hunted down and murdered Ahmaud Arbery simply because he was a Black man. Full stop.” (Lori Lightfoot/Chicago Mayor’s Office)

But on Tuesday, Lightfoot said she would not “sit idly by and watch the level of gang violence that we’ve seen and not do anything.” (WTTW)

Lori Lightfoot made sure the whole world knows what she thinks about an insignificant verdict in, wait for it, Georgia. Yet, she has been sitting “idly by,” doing nothing about the rampant violence in Chicago. Lightfoot blamed and even shamed the victims, guns, root causes, systemic institutional something or other for the violent crimes. She provides lame excuses for her lack of action.

Georgia is more important and a welcome distraction. She thinks something with national headlines will take people’s minds off her failures. Maybe she should move and run for mayor of Brunswick, Georgia since she cares more about what happens there than her own city.

When it comes to Chicago, the city she is the mayor of, Lightfoot plays the lame blame game. Everyone and everything is to blame except her cold-hearted, merciless, and pitiless apathy.

Lori!
Lori!, Lori! Bo-bor-bori
Bo-na-na fanna For-ley
Fee-fi-mo-mor-ley
Lori!

The Chicago City Council temporarily shot down her ridiculous asset forfeiture ordinance. An ordinance that would do nothing to mitigate the violence and murder in Chicago. She is ignorant of how illicit money “legally” moves in this city. The leaders of the super gangs laundered and invested their money years ago. They were buying income properties and other real estate. The families of the ones in prison are sitting pretty. What is the city going to get from the current crop of wannabes? A pair of expensive Air Jordans?

Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s priorities are non-existent. Public safety is not even on her radar. If it was, she would have sent the mercenary cowboy Superintendent of Police, David “Tex” Brown, packing and riding off back to Texas on his horse, taking all his horse s**t with him. Brown has nothing but excuses for his failures. The rank-and-file Chicago Police officers are demoralized, burned out, and angry. They are retiring or quitting at unsustainable rates. The city cannot hire recruits because no one wants a thankless, soul-crushing job.

In a sign of cowardice and fealty to Machine Boss Toni Preckwinkle, she made nice with State’s Attorney Kim Foxx, one of the elected officials driving the violence in Chicago. Lightfoot kissed the ring of Da Boss. A Boss who is treacherous and unforgiving. Da Boss still feels the sting of Lightfoot’s landslide victory over her. Da Boss was supposed to be Da Mayor. Da Boss is also one of the drivers of violence and murder in Chicago. It is her misguided policies based on pure ignorance. Da Boss and her Mini-Me Minion, Foxx, have the blood of all the murder victims on their hands.

It is incumbent upon us, as voters, to defeat Lori Lightfoot, Toni Preckwinkle, and Kim Foxx at the polls in the next election. Our very lives depend on it since there is no safe neighborhood in Chicago.

Lightfoot lied to us. She promised accountability and transparency. All she gave us was bloodshed, death, inculpability, and opacity. Foxx and Preckwinkle lie every time they flap their soup coolers.

As an aside, if any one of the 50 stooge aldercritters run for mayor, they should be defeated too. We need a mayor who cares about us. We are the people City Hall is supposed to keep safe. They are failing miserably.

I know how to do some things. I can change electrical outlets and switches. I can replace pipes under a sink and install faucets and showerheads. These do not make me an expert on the plumbing and electrician trades.

I know something about the criminal laws, as I was a police officer for almost 30 years. I am not trained as an attorney, do not practice, teach, or research legal issues. I am no expert on the law.

I am an art lover. I am not an expert on art or art history. I love history, especially Chicago history. I am not a historian.

Yet our gullible unlearned, ignorant news media, activists, legal organizations, and politicians believe, and worse, put their faith in so-called experts with no expertise on policing. They are academics or legal “scholars” who never wore the uniform, never interacted with the public, never made an arrest, never were shot at or shot. They were never in danger unless it was falling out of their chairs in their ivory towers, alleged crime labs, or bar stools in places where other experts with no expertise chill. They are experts with no, nada, zero credibility. Surprisingly, they are considered credible.

Stop and think about something. You never see academics and other “experts” claim plumbing, carpentry, electrician, sheet metal, or pipe fitting expertise. Why not? Why are there no experts with no expertise on truck drivers, merchant marine operations, hunting and fishing guides, beauticians and cosmetologists, janitors, wait staff, or any other career, trade, job, or profession? Yet, there are multiple experts on policing with not an iota of expertise.

We live in a nation that relies on experts with no expertise on every issue. No one, especially the news media, questions their experience or credibility. The letters at the end of their names are all the credibility they need. They toss XXXX-rated pornography out to their devout deviates- data and data analytics when asked about their expertise. The gullible get all lathered, wet, hot, and bothered. They pantingly believe everything the experts with no expertise claim is the truth. Even police leaders fall for the scam. Hey, who does not like XXXX-rated pornographic data and data analytics in their secret heart of hearts? Hell, it has the word anal in it, right?

These so-called experts are con men, scam artists, charlatans, and frauds. They do not know s**t from Shinola™, even when it is shown to them. They collectively are the Jerk.

I would love to debate these experts with no expertise on policy, tactics, and use of force. I would simply ask them how many domestic disturbances they handled, how many dead bodies have they seen or moved, or how many violent encounters have they been in. Were they ever shot at? Did they ever chase an armed offender on foot in the dark? Did they ever have to break up a bar fight or other large group fighting? How many car chases were they in? How many injured or murdered children did they encounter?

How many dead children did they see? How many times did they have to fight a person resisting arrest? How many victims of child abuse, incest, and child sexual abuse did they witness?

If their answer is to claim they do not need police experience because of data or data analytics, I will be ready. I will show them XXXX-rated porn with lots of anal, which is the same damn thing as their “expertise.”

It’s just your s**t talkin’
You’re telling me lies, yeah
S**t talkin’
You wear a disguise
S**t talkin’
So misunderstood, yeah
S**t talkin’
You really no good

(The BeeGeebus)

There are only two pure verbal art forms, stand-up comedy and political speaking. Both are also known as talking s**t. Talking s**t is its own genre. Politicians are masters, true masters of the genre. The best of the best are Chicago politicians. They are s**t talking wordsmiths par excellence. No one can match them. There is a long tradition of political s**t talking going back to Chicago’s incorporation as a city. Chicago is called the Windy City due to all the political s**t talking, and we know which end the wind blows from.

Chicago’s s**t talking politicians are charismatic, eccentric, outlandish, honestly corrupt, contentious, and pugnacious. Some padded their salaries with graft and inflated their egos by writing articles, books, or poetry.

I mean, if the following eloquent quotes do not denote a genre, I do not know what does:

“We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement.”

“A newspaper is the lowest thing there is.”

“Even the Lord had skeptical members of His party.”

“The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.”

“They have vilified me, they have crucified me; yes, they have even criticized me.”

“I enjoy getting things done. My philosophy is the edge, the edge of something. There’s where we have to go in local government, in not only the philosophy but the creativity in people around you. They have to go to the edge.”

“I worked for him. I raised money for him. What am I supposed to do, take my pants off?”

“I thought the health of people is very important. If a rat is on your sandwich, you hope to know it before. If a mouse is on your salad, it’s common sense.”

“Scrutiny? What else do you want? Do you want to take my shorts? Give me a break. How much scrutiny do you want to have? Go scrutinize yourself! I get scrutined every day, don’t worry, from each and every one of you. It doesn’t bother me.”

It’s silly! It’s silly, baldhead! He’s baldheaded – is that silly? No. Come on! It’s the silliest thing I ever heard! Next question!”

“I’ve said ‘cuckoo’ once. I’ll say it again. (chirping) Cuckoo!”

Those are just two politicians, father, and son, who served over forty years as mayors between them. It is not just mayors s**t talking. The current Aldermen, Cook County Board President, State’s Attorney, and Mayor talk s**t to keep getting reelected over and over again. Together, they could fertilize thousands of farm acres with all the s**t they spew.

Their s**t talking is job security. Gullible Chicagoans love to be entertained by the clowns they keep reelecting to office. They will believe anything and everything the politicians and their handmaidens, the Chicago news media, tell them. The citizens in this town are too dumb to realize they are being served daily s**t sandwiches by elected officials and the news media.

There really is no difference between Chicago politicians and stand-up comedians, except the comedians are entertaining and funny. Politicians talk s**t, remain popular, no matter how outlandish their s**t talking is, and keep getting elected. If you are not a practitioner of the s**t talking genre, your chances of holding office in Chicago are slim to none, and Slim left town.

I finally concluded that stand-up comedians would be better public servants than our current and wannabe politicians. Maybe we should look to the comedy clubs to find our next crop of leaders. We already know they talk s**t, but they will at least entertain us by making us laugh instead of breaking our hearts and wallets (Taxation is theft in Chicago).

Hey Chicago, send in the clowns!

“If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.” (PJ O’Rourke)

I am a crotchety contrarian stark realist curmudgeon who finds tragedy in the truth and comedy in lies. I live in Chicago- a city of tragic comedy and humorous deadly lies. My problem is Chicago logic. All politicians are liars. All liars are not politicians. Politicians give liars a bad rap. Need proof? Chicago elections are supposed to be non-partisan- no party affiliation. Yet, Chicago politicians claim affiliation with Democratic Party. They are not non-partisan. They are liars. They pledge allegiance to their party platforms like brain dead Scientologists.

Politicians are very good at getting people to believe their lies. They are aided and abetted by the friendly local news media, who provide free public relations, hyping the lies. How else can they get elected and, worse, re-elected? Most of the voters are gullible or ignorant. They believe everything the politicians and news media tell them. They love Kool-Aid.

There is no such thing as an honest politician in Chicago. Naive uninformed voters are abundant.

As the ditty says- “Bulls**t, it makes the grass grow green. Horses**t, it does the same damn thing. Bulls**t or is it Horses**t or is it Bulls**t and Horses**t combined?”

I only care about local politics and policy. I live here. What happens here directly affects me. I keep up on national and international issues. Most do not directly impact me or my quality of life. For example, I really do not care about Ukraine’s problems with Russia. When Russia park their army and tanks on the border of Chicago, I will worry.

From where I sit in my bunker, Chicago is going to hell in a handbasket. Our mayor is more concerned with the Museum Campus, keeping the McCaskey Bears in Chicago, getting a casino in the city, and other sundry issues than she is about public safety.

We have a new familiar slogan too. Violent crime used to be blamed on guns, gangs, and drugs. Over and over during the Daley, Emanuel, and Lightfoot administrations, we heard guns, gangs, and drugs. Now, the slogan is guns, drugs, and poverty. And the pliant news media picks it up without questioning and drives the mayor’s narrative. The gullible, naïve voters believe it.

Guns are inanimate objects. So are drugs. Poverty is a condition. Committing crimes is a choice, a human choice. People are responsible for their choices. In Chicago, criminals are not held accountable for their crimes.

The causes of violent crime are humans. Humans using guns, humans in gangs, humans in the drug trade. Humans who have no humanity. Evil humans who have no regard for life. All these humans are not impoverished. They are just evil. They choose evil over good.

Governance and politics imply a submission to reality. In Chicago, crime-fighting devolved to submission to the unrealistic. Our politicians’ objective- criminal justice reform- failed miserably.

There are only two legal justice systems in this country, criminal and civil. Social justice, economic justice, environmental justice, and the rest are theoretical, academic, and political exercises in fantasy. They are also lucrative business plans for attorneys and activist organizations.

All these experts, activists, and elected officials (We can question if they are human) are supposedly intelligent, educated people. What if all these “brilliant” people are wrong? It is something to ponder since their reforms fail to keep us safe.

Crime is part of the human condition. The best we can do is control it- hence the term crime control. We no longer control crime in Chicago. Thanks to our elected officials and their failing policies, crime controls us- the new crime control.

What is it going to take for our elected officials to admit they made mistakes instead of doubling and tripling down on their ridiculous philosophies and beliefs about fake justice systems? They tout these philosophies and ideas with the zeal of evangelical preachers. They are backed by a choir of academic experts with no expertise except smoking green substances in their ivory towers.

PJ O’Rourke was right. “If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.” Government in Chicago should be banned as an illegal substance.