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Month: August 2023

Here we go again

The late comedian, George Carlin, posited, ‘Just think of how stupid the average people are and realize half of them are stupider than that.” The gag is proven repeatedly in good ole red, white, and blue ‘Merica, Land of the Less-on* and Home of the Half-wit.

Summer is coming to an end. For the past two weeks, there have been incessant ads for pumpkin-spiced drinks and other food items. Pumpkin spice was invented in a laboratory by that second-rate coffee chain, Spewf**ks, or something like that. One could wonder if that lab was a meth lab, as that fake spice is so addictive.

Drooling, slobbering, mindless zombies wait in long lines to get their fix of fake pumpkin spice. They pay big bucks for the privilege. Dunkin Donuts has that crap too, as do other places. Pumpkin spice is everywhere, even in beer and liquors. Maybe these establishments should start open-air pumpkin spice markets for their addicts.

There is only one place for pumpkin spice, in pumpkin pies. But the rubes and unwashed masses suck that crap up like meth addicts. Lab-created pumpkin spice should be considered a Schedule 1 drug like heroin or coke and banned by the federal government.

Stores started stocking Halloween decorations, costumes, and other items in early August. They also sell another disgusting treat. Candy corn. Candy corn, which resembles rat pellets and has the texture of earwax, is another horrid treat that makes me want to blow chow. The original name for Candy Corn was Chicken Feed. Evidently, chickens would not touch the stuff. They marketed it as candy because children will eat anything called candy.

Last year Hormel, who makes SPAM®, introduced SPAM® Figgy Pudding. According to the company, “SPAM® Figgy Pudding brings a blend of warm spices and seasonal ingredients that will be the star in many wintertime recipe favorites. With notes of cinnamon and nutmeg combined with fig and orange flavors, you’ll taste true holiday comfort that will have you caroling all season long.” It sold out within days of its introduction.

‘Mericans throughout this country will make this a national holiday treasure. When Food & Wine has an article on it, you know foodies will try to score it. Members of the White Christian Nationalist Crystal Methodist Church of ‘Merica proclaimed SPAM® Figgy Pudding as a gift from above, manna from heaven. They offer it at Communion., the Great Comedian’s holy joke.

This country’s consumers are like its voters. They are clodpoles and chowderheads. There is not an ounce of intelligence in these people. Companies rely on this. They profit off the stupidity of the average ‘Merican consumer just like our politicians do.

These consumers should all wear “I’M WITH STUPID” tee shirts so they can be easily identified and shunned.

*Less-on is lower than a moron.

Is White Sox Jerry Reinsorf bluffing again


“Today we met and discussed our shared values and commitment to the city of Chicago, the importance of deep roots and the need for equitable community investment throughout the city.” (Chicago Tribune)

The above was a joint statement from Mayor Brandon Johnson and Bear’s president, Kevin Warren. The White Sox have been a Chicago institution for over 120 years. That may end, may being the operative word. Owner, Jerry Reinsdorf, is talking about moving the team, again. He tried that ploy before to get a new stadium. Guaranteed Rate Field opened in 1991. Guaranteed Rate Field is owned by the Illinois Sports Facilities Authority. The team leases the field. The lease runs for six more years. So, the Sox will be here for a while. It was rumored Reinsdorf is also thinking of selling the team.

Supposedly, Reindorf wants a new stadium. Or he may sell or take the team to Nashville. Why? Who knows? Reinsdorf cleaned house in the executive suite. He is bringing back that dim bulb fossil, Tony La Russa, as a consultant. Again, why? Who knows? La Russa belongs out to pasture. He is still living in ancient times when it comes to baseball.

Having two teams in Chicago gives baseball lovers twice the excitement. Baseball is a business. Reinsdorf is a businessman. If he wants a new stadium, which is ridiculous, he will do whatever it takes to get one. If he were a smart businessman, he would do what the Ricketts did with Wrigley.

Make improvements to the stadium and develop the surrounding area into a Soxville. Guaranteed Rate Field sits in the middle of a desert. There is nothing surrounding it. Reinsdorf is acting as cheap as the McCaskeys.

If Mayor Johnson was smart, he would encourage that development. As the Tribune states, “Here’s a chance for Johnson to spur major development in a challenged area and not to preside over the exit of two Chicago sports teams. That’s the key here: creating something akin to what the Detroit Tigers have done in downtown Detroit. And there is more available space than was the case in Wrigleyville.”

Mayor Brandon Johnson said he would do anything to keep the White Sox in Chicago. Yeah, right. How much will it cost the taxpayers to keep the Sox here? Why should he negotiate with a billionaire to keep one of the worst teams in baseball here? One of the reasons the Sox are so terrible is poor management. Reinsdorf, as the owner, is the head manager. Bringing La Russa back will just contribute to more poor management.  

There are rumors the Sox want to bring back Ozzie Gullien. Ozzie Guillén is a obvious draw for South Side fans. His one World Series title alone makes him the most successful manager in White Sox history.

Bringing Gullien back may be a good idea only if La Russa is around for a short time or they are mandated to keep away from each other. It is a good bet the two of them would constantly clash. Gullien would be the one to go, as it is apparent Reinsdorf and La Russa have a bromance going. They name streets after guys like La Russa, One Way, and Dead End.

Brandon Johnson did it again

Image: PV Bella

Mayor Brandon Johnson needs to think before he flaps his soup coolers. He is embarrassing himself. Since the editorial boards and reporters are giving him wide sway, Johnson believes he can say whatever he wants and get away with it. There will be no harsh criticism.

Now, there’s a lot to be said about the neighborhoods of Chicago, but there is one thing for sure, if you’re not offering solutions or hope for our neighborhoods, shut your mouth about the city of Chicago,” said Johnson.

Had the mayor started with, “If you do not live in Chicago … shut your mouth,” there would be no issue. People who do not live here know nothing and have no solutions. We have been bashed by less-ons* from other places for too long.

Johnson is telling the critics to shut up. Thou shalt not criticize the mayor or the city. Johnson is too full of hubris. As the saying goes, “Pride goeth before the fall.” If Johnson keeps up with his prideful and purposeful foot-in-mouth disease, his fall will be swift.

Johnson has no solutions as far as anyone can see. His first hundred days in office are nothing to brag about. His campaign promised no solutions to Chicago’s various serious problems including violent crime, homelessness, and the migrant crisis. Like Lori Lightfoot, it appears failure is an option and will be touted as success.

I wanted to give the new mayor the benefit of the doubt, in hopes he would be better than Lightfoot. It appears we are in for four years of stumbling, bumbling, and mumbing. Every time Johnson opens his mouth nothing intelligent or intelligible comes out. Just warnings. The only reason he is mayor is because over sixty percent of registered voters did not vote. Now Chicagoans must suffer the consequences.

Solutions have been offered for many of our problems over the decades. Politicians did not heed or execute them. Johnson is no different. Like his long line of predecessors, he will improve little and accomplish less. But, he will order people to “shut up,” including the weak-kneed news media and their lily-livered editorial boards.

The migrant issue is turning into a crisis. Johnson is doing little to mitigate it. As the article states, he offers few specifics of whatever his solution is. In reality, he is doing nothing to stop the Texas filtration buses from trafficking humans into our city. Neither is the governor, State Attorney General, or the U.S. Department of Justice. Once again, here are some solutions, Mr. Mayor. One, impound every bus that brings in migrants and tow them to the auto pound. The fees will be high and the city can use the bucks. Two, go into federal court, file a suit, and get a stay until the suit is heard. Geez, how hard is that?

We do not need Chicagoans to “shut up.” We need the people and the news media to create a loud noise until Johnson starts doing something. You know, acting like a mayor instead of a sock puppet.

Brandon Johnson is out of his element. He is not and was never ready for prime time. It is now his job to offer solutions. Johnson needs to act and stop mumbling nonsense.

*Less-ons are lower than morons.

Chicago we have problems

You must hand it to community groups and Chicago alderpersons. They come up with the most ridiculous ideas. It was not ridiculous enough when an alderperson bought whistles to give away. The dumb idea was if people saw a crime being committed, they could blow the whistles to attract attention.

A North Side community group is calling for people to refrain from shooting guns in Chicago between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. to reduce the risk to people “not involved in high-risk activities.”

The group, Native Sons, is from Rogers Park. 49th Ward Ald. Maria Hadden is promoting what is called “The People’s Ordinance” in her newsletter. While called an ordinance, no legislation is being considered. It is a sure bet the criminals will abide by the community’s wishes. Just like they abide by the laws against carrying guns, shooting people, selling narcotics, and committing other violent crimes. The rivalry between the Gangster Disciples and Black P. Stones gangs supposedly causes many shootings in the area.

It is hard to tell who is more ridiculous, the Native Sons or the alderperson. Community groups can look ridiculous. Many are and do. But elected officials are not supposed to look, act, or sound ridiculous. The Chicago City Council has a long history of alderpersons looking ridiculous. Ridiculousness happens when people vote with their feelings instead of their brains or worse, do not vote.

It may not be long before some in the City Council propose this idea as an ordinance. The City Council is full of ridiculous feather brained alderpersons. We are living in the age of asinine politics. Some community groups are as big of a joke as the Chicago City Council.

Our new mayor, when asked about the firing of the Public Health Commissioner, Dr. Arwady, evaded the question. Instead, he quoted the late rapper, Tupac- “You can’t always go by the things that you hear. Right? `Real eyes realize real lies…” Mayor Brandon Johnson cannot or will not answer a question to save his life. He dances around them and chides reporters for their choice of words. I was willing to give Johnson the benefit of the doubt and wished him success. No more. I doubt his ability to govern and pick qualified people to fill important posts.

“The victims of crime feel like they’re the ones that are not being supported, and that criminals are the ones that are being coddled,” one resident said. “… The police need to be able to do their jobs.”

The people in the Ukrainian Village held a community meeting with their alderman and the 13th District police commander. They expressed, sometimes angrily, their frustration and anger at the lack of policing. Former mayor, Rahm Emanuel, closed the district police station and merged it with the abutting 12th District. Various street crimes are up, people are in fear, and they complain they rarely see police patrols. It would have been better if they had merged the district with the 14th District, which is closer and abuts the 14th. The two police districts are demographics so the police would be familiar with them. They can still merge them with no disruptions.

Expert with no expertise

“Plus, Lincoln Park is home to the city’s two most popular beachfronts: North Avenue Beach and Oak Street Beach.”

I read an article written about what to skip and do on a trip to Chicago. The writer claimed to be a Chicagoan. The sentence above proves the writer is dumber than a box of rocks. Oak Street beach IS NOT IN LINCOLN PARK. It is in the Gold Coast neighborhood, almost a mile from where Lincoln Park begins. It gets worse. Local geography is not this scribbler’s forte. She advises people to visit Promontory Point, just south of Grant Park.” It is not “just” south of Grant Park. It is almost six miles from Grant Park in the Hyde Park neighborhood. The Point is worth a visit, but geez, tell people how far it is.

The less-on (lower than a moron) advises tourists where to find the best hot dogs or deep-dish pizza, as if people come here from afar just to try those food items. I bet this woman puts ketchup on a hot dog. Some people do come here for pizza and dogs. Those tourists, like this writer, are easy to spot. They wander in herds, look like they are hopelessly lost, and leave a trail of saliva drool in their wake, searching for dogs or pizza. They all wear the same tee shirts emblazoned with, “I’m with stupid,” in case one wanders a few feet from the drooling herd. This writer would advise people seeking authentic Mexican food to eat at Taco Bell or Chipolte.

The scribbler wades into the Al Capone territory. Why? Capone and his era are no longer relevant and not all that interesting aanymore. Evidently, this “Chicagoan” does not know there are no Al Capone tourist sites left in Chicago except his former home on the South Side. Fortunately, the less-on omitted the supposed gangland bus tours that the bark chewers waste their money on.

The scribbler promotes the architectural river tours, which are boring, inaccurate, and a waste of time and money. Geez, this person is an airhead. This supposed Chicagoan knows very little about Chicago and less about tourism.

“Wicker Park, Chicago’s hippest neighborhood, is your go-to for unique shops and thrifting…” Wicker Park used to be Chicago’s hippest neighborhood. No more. Wicker Park lost its hipness years ago when all the corporate brands opened stores there and the corporate hospitality groups flooded the food, drink, and entertainment venues. There are very few unique shops and very little thrifting left there.

First, telling people what to skip or see is the personification of privilege. Chicago has so many attractions. People decide what they want to see and experience. While we are all prejudiced with our favorites, spouting off like you are a “Chicagoan” does not make you an expert.

I read other pieces about what to do or skip in Chicago. They were just as misguided, but not as bad this one. The writer assumes tourists will love what she thinks are attractions or what should be skipped. A Chicagoan? She is probably a transplant from another planet.

Chicago we have a problem

…Johnson stressed that the Chicago police order to arrest dozens during a large teen gathering last weekend in the South Loop was constitutional and compassionate… (Chicago Tribune)

Mayor Brandon Johnson made the above statement during a press conference yesterday. He was responding to the mob of young people who created havoc, damaged property, and looted and trashed a 7-11 in the South Loop neighborhood. Can someone explain to this retired police officer WTF a compassionate arrest is? In almost thirty years and more arrests than I can count, I never heard of a “compassionate arrest.”

It only got t more ridiculous. “Unfortunately, arrests were made. Unfortunately, some damage was caused.” Unfortunately? Geebus, this guy is unfortunate. What were the police supposed to do when property is damaged and a store is looted? Hand out lollipops and send the offenders home to mommy and daddy? It was fortunate the police made arrests. It was more than unfortunate property was damaged and goods were stolen.

But wait, there’s more. The mayor took “umbrage” over a reporter referring to the mob of youths as a mob. “We’re not talking about mob actions,” Johnson said. “We have to be careful when we use language to describe certain behavior.”

So, what is the new politically correct woke term for a mob of youths creating havoc, damaging property, looting, and some carrying firearms? Have they invented a new term for this group activity? Of course, the reporters will obey the mayor as they are obsequious boot lickers, in fear of losing access. The editorial boards will get on board by not upbraiding the mayor for his ridiculousness. The Chicago news media is made up of cowards and lickspittles. There is no longer courage or fearlessness in the Chicago media.

Brandon Johnson is starting to look ridiculous. The mayor of Chicago is not supposed to look ridiculous. If mobs of young people having fun involves committing crimes, then they should be arrested, charged, and punished. Their parents should be ordered to make restitution for the damage they cause. That is fair and constitutional.

Here is a thought, since the mayor does not believe mobs of youth are not responsible for their actions. Chicago residents and business owners who suffer losses from large groups of young people running wild in their neighborhood may want to take a tip from a North Side alderman: Bill the city! The unusual suggestion came from Lakeview Ald. Bennett Lawson (44th) following an hours-long “teen trend” near the Belmont CTA station in June. (CWB Chicago) If the youth or their parents are not responsible and the police should be compassionate, then the city should pay for all criminal damage to property and looting perpetrated by these mobs. That is fair justice. That is compassionate. That is fortunate.

Then there was this. Large crowds injure 3 cops, damage CPD squad cars on northwest and southwest sides overnight. Chicago Police officers were injured trying to break up two drag racing events on the Northwest Side. Hmm, how “compassionate should the police be?”

It appears Brandon Johnson expects people to change their vocabulary to fit his compassionate and healing public safety agenda. Of course, we will see what happens if these mobs- now called trends for some stupid reason- attack his neighborhood or block. Chicago will learn just how compassionate Johnson really is. 

It appears Chicago went from dumb to dumber when they voted out Lightfoot and chose Johnson. Johnson, like most politicians, is proof education is wasted on some people. Their feelings are more important than reality. We may be looking at the next one-term mayor.